Comments for Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs – Hope for Marriages http://www.hopeformarriages.com Loving Christ. Loving each other. Fri, 17 Feb 2012 16:49:12 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Comment on Perception vs reality…….. by Raymond. C. Owens http://www.hopeformarriages.com/2012/02/perception-vs-reality/#comment-1919 Raymond. C. Owens Fri, 17 Feb 2012 16:49:12 +0000 http://www.hopeformarriages.com/?p=1012#comment-1919 Dear Jeff/Cheryl: I am praying for Lo, as you requested.-----I thank God for your story. I have purchased several of your books to give away. Mine to keep reading over/over.I am still thanking God for Cheryl's lesson: IS THIS. Even thou we may have grown up in church/said 'THE' prayer. We are bound for hell, until we repent/trust Jesus. We see this is evident in her life style/words after she answered the call of the Holy Spirit to repent/be saved. MANY thanks for your story/marriage/ministry. Num. 6:24-26.------------MAY I please ask you'll to pray for my wife Diane's, salvation. &, for her to end her separation/lack of ALL communication with me since July 2008. &, return to our marriage home where she belongs? Dear Jeff/Cheryl: I am praying for Lo, as you requested.—–I thank God for your story. I have purchased several of your books to give away. Mine to keep reading over/over.I am still thanking God for Cheryl’s lesson: IS THIS. Even thou we may have grown up in church/said ‘THE’ prayer. We are bound for hell, until we repent/trust Jesus. We see this is evident in her life style/words after she answered the call of the Holy Spirit to repent/be saved. MANY thanks for your story/marriage/ministry. Num. 6:24-26.————MAY I please ask you’ll to pray for my wife Diane’s, salvation. &, for her to end her separation/lack of ALL communication with me since July 2008. &, return to our marriage home where she belongs?

]]> Comment on Perception vs reality…….. by Connie Carreker http://www.hopeformarriages.com/2012/02/perception-vs-reality/#comment-1918 Connie Carreker Fri, 17 Feb 2012 16:41:45 +0000 http://www.hopeformarriages.com/?p=1012#comment-1918 My prayers continue to be with the entire family every morning joining together with my husband Denny. God speed. Connie My prayers continue to be with the entire family every morning joining together with my husband Denny. God speed. Connie

]]> Comment on Perception vs reality…….. by Keith C. Brown http://www.hopeformarriages.com/2012/02/perception-vs-reality/#comment-1917 Keith C. Brown Fri, 17 Feb 2012 16:30:57 +0000 http://www.hopeformarriages.com/?p=1012#comment-1917 Dear Jeff and Cheryl, Thank you once again for your faith. I know the challenges can be overwhelming at times. Yet, you have seen the Lord lift you, not around, but through them. And in having witnessed this, you know it was God who was leading. Thank you for your courage and conviction. You may not know what good God is doing through you and your family. I remember and reflect upon you and what God is doing through you each week. Your friend, fellow-sufferer and fellow-servant, Keith Dear Jeff and Cheryl,
Thank you once again for your faith. I know the challenges can be overwhelming at times. Yet, you have seen the Lord lift you, not around, but through them. And in having witnessed this, you know it was God who was leading. Thank you for your courage and conviction. You may not know what good God is doing through you and your family. I remember and reflect upon you and what God is doing through you each week.
Your friend, fellow-sufferer and fellow-servant,
Keith

]]> Comment on It’s a matter of perspective… by Deceived http://www.hopeformarriages.com/2008/01/its-a-matter-of-perspective/#comment-1873 Deceived Thu, 09 Feb 2012 07:31:37 +0000 http://cherylscruggs.wordpress.com/2008/01/12/its-a-matter-of-perspective#comment-1873 Easier said than done. My wife had an affair with what i thought was a close friend. She gave her body to him in hotel rooms and had a secret phone that she kept hidden for 7 months this went on. Texting, calling and sexual meetings. I will always love this woman, I accept my responsibility for the lonliness she felt but I am struggling to forgive her and look at her in a way that I respect. she gave her body and soul to a pig of a man that is also married. One minute i look at her and love her so much and the next I want her to suffer for what she did to me. I am on the verge of tears every day and it doesnt take much to go there. I look at pics of her during the times she was meeting him 2 or 3 times a week and here I thought we were okay. It makes me sick to my stomach. How did you ever look at your wife the same again Jeff? How did you do this? Didnt you see her as "damaged" or "dirty"? Easier said than done. My wife had an affair with what i thought was a close friend. She gave her body to him in hotel rooms and had a secret phone that she kept hidden for 7 months this went on. Texting, calling and sexual meetings. I will always love this woman, I accept my responsibility for the lonliness she felt but I am struggling to forgive her and look at her in a way that I respect. she gave her body and soul to a pig of a man that is also married. One minute i look at her and love her so much and the next I want her to suffer for what she did to me. I am on the verge of tears every day and it doesnt take much to go there. I look at pics of her during the times she was meeting him 2 or 3 times a week and here I thought we were okay. It makes me sick to my stomach. How did you ever look at your wife the same again Jeff? How did you do this? Didnt you see her as “damaged” or “dirty”?

]]> Comment on Reconciliation possible? by mary kate http://www.hopeformarriages.com/2010/12/reconciliation-possible/#comment-1871 mary kate Wed, 08 Feb 2012 20:13:21 +0000 http://cherylscruggs.wordpress.com/?p=91#comment-1871 Aaron, be comforted knowing that God is in control. It doesn't matter if you have contact with her, it is the Lord who will do the work. The most powerful thing you can do is to pray. God wants to use this crisis in your life to reveal Himself to you in a powerful way. He wants you to learn to totally depend on Him. My husband and I are separated. Like you, I wanted to end the marriage, he did not. The Lord got a hold of me and turned me totally around, but now my husband is not open to reconciliation. But God has a plan. There are things that He has taught me that I would not have been open to if my husband had come back when I wanted Him to. God truly is in control, keep your eyes on Him - I know that sounds so cliche, but it is so true. Aaron, be comforted knowing that God is in control. It doesn’t matter if you have contact with her, it is the Lord who will do the work. The most powerful thing you can do is to pray. God wants to use this crisis in your life to reveal Himself to you in a powerful way. He wants you to learn to totally depend on Him. My husband and I are separated. Like you, I wanted to end the marriage, he did not. The Lord got a hold of me and turned me totally around, but now my husband is not open to reconciliation. But God has a plan. There are things that He has taught me that I would not have been open to if my husband had come back when I wanted Him to. God truly is in control, keep your eyes on Him – I know that sounds so cliche, but it is so true.

]]> Comment on The challenge of living by the Spirit by Keith C. Brown http://www.hopeformarriages.com/2012/02/the-challenge-of-living-by-the-spirit/#comment-1870 Keith C. Brown Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:43:29 +0000 http://www.hopeformarriages.com/?p=1008#comment-1870 Dear Cheryl, Thank you for continuing faithfully on your journey. Thank you for keeping the faith when Satan would pull you away, Christ continues to draw you in to his loving embrace. Thank you for your courage to allow yourself to be continually drawn closer into the perfecting power of our God. For through your struggle God's grace is revealed in your tears that give way to those sounds of joy. We share the journey with you. For we too cry, and we too know joy. And we know it all the more, because you have shared both the tears and the joy with the rest of us. And for those of us who share life in Christ, we call that grace. I can't help but to think that the more we know of grace, the more we know God. Thank you for allowing us to see the grace of God in you. Might we all have a faith like yours. An old friend, and fellow-servant, Keith Dear Cheryl,
Thank you for continuing faithfully on your journey. Thank you for keeping the faith when Satan would pull you away, Christ continues to draw you in to his loving embrace. Thank you for your courage to allow yourself to be continually drawn closer into the perfecting power of our God. For through your struggle God’s grace is revealed in your tears that give way to those sounds of joy. We share the journey with you. For we too cry, and we too know joy. And we know it all the more, because you have shared both the tears and the joy with the rest of us. And for those of us who share life in Christ, we call that grace. I can’t help but to think that the more we know of grace, the more we know God. Thank you for allowing us to see the grace of God in you. Might we all have a faith like yours.
An old friend, and fellow-servant,
Keith

]]> Comment on The challenge of living by the Spirit by Marlys Zee http://www.hopeformarriages.com/2012/02/the-challenge-of-living-by-the-spirit/#comment-1869 Marlys Zee Wed, 08 Feb 2012 16:36:33 +0000 http://www.hopeformarriages.com/?p=1008#comment-1869 Thank you so much for your encouragement through all your pain! I have followd your messages and am touched by your faith. I have been praying for healing for Lauren and strenght for you and your family. The warmth that you give out will be released back to you manyfold. God Bless! Marlys Thank you so much for your encouragement through all your pain! I have followd your messages and am touched by your faith. I have been praying for healing for Lauren and strenght for you and your family. The warmth that you give out will be released back to you manyfold.

God Bless!

Marlys

]]> Comment on Tip of the Week for Men by mark http://www.hopeformarriages.com/2011/10/tip-of-the-week-for-men/#comment-1849 mark Sun, 05 Feb 2012 12:28:13 +0000 http://www.hopeformarriages.com/?p=857#comment-1849 I try to share my feelings and what I'm dealing with and she more or less just shrugs and says sorry, what do you want me to do. we've been married 28 years this week and for the last 3 I thought it would be the last. I'm so tired. we just get into this crappy mood when we talk about my feelings, my needs. She doesn't talk much about her feelings. she has no friends to share with. she's depressed. we have no money. I love Jesus, we both do, and maybe that's why I haven't left. but I'm so tired. I just want to come home and be loved I try to share my feelings and what I’m dealing with and she more or less just shrugs and says sorry, what do you want me to do. we’ve been married 28 years this week and for the last 3 I thought it would be the last. I’m so tired. we just get into this crappy mood when we talk about my feelings, my needs. She doesn’t talk much about her feelings. she has no friends to share with. she’s depressed. we have no money. I love Jesus, we both do, and maybe that’s why I haven’t left. but I’m so tired. I just want to come home and be loved

]]> Comment on “We make it our goal to please Him.” (2 Corinthians 5:9) by gary kaniuk http://www.hopeformarriages.com/2012/02/we-make-it-our-goal-to-please-him-2-corinthians-59/#comment-1847 gary kaniuk Sun, 05 Feb 2012 02:16:04 +0000 http://www.hopeformarriages.com/?p=1006#comment-1847 I praise God for your trust in God and being so supportive of your daughter during her tragedy and recovery. I pray that God will give Lauren the grace and strength she needs during these difficult days. I praise God for your trust in God and being so supportive of your daughter during her tragedy and recovery. I pray that God will give Lauren the grace and strength she needs during these difficult days.

]]> Comment on Reconciliation possible? by Aaron http://www.hopeformarriages.com/2010/12/reconciliation-possible/#comment-1843 Aaron Sat, 04 Feb 2012 17:43:32 +0000 http://cherylscruggs.wordpress.com/?p=91#comment-1843 Just read I Do Again, and came here for support. For those of you that read this, please pray for me and my wife. My wife divorced me for another man. It's a "long distance" relationship (5 hours), but they see each other weekly. She lied to me about it, even when I asked her point blank. But she's telling her friends and family that I was abusing her (I guess she's afraid they would judge her or something). So they all hate me, and are telling her to keep going down this road with the new guy who is "so much better for her". Her and the new guy are VERY serioius... even though it's only been 3 months. She told me she hates me, she never loved me, only married me out of fear and guilt (although she admits the fear and guilt didn't come from me)... and even went to far as to accuse me of raping her when we were dating (which is so far from the truth, I didn't even know how to respond to that. I still don't). But I believe she honestly has convinced herself that was the truth. She said I disgusted her whenever I got near her. But here's the thing... I KNOW none of that is true. Because I was there once too. Before she divorced me, I made the mistake of initiating the separation and asking for divorce. She fought to get back together for a month... then she found the other man. THEN (me still not knowing about the other man) I decided I wanted to work things out... and she went through with the divorce. Now I know her change of heart (wanting to work towards reconciliation then to divorce and never speaking to me... that change happened almost overnight), coincided to the day when this guy (who she had feelings for before she met me) contacted her. And now she's made him into me. She's doing all the exact same things her and I did when we dated, saying all the exact same things to him that she did to me. She's trying to make him into me. I don't know if that's comforting or heartbreaking. Even though I was not harassing her, she changed her phone number (I don't have it), blocked me on Facebook, and changed her email address. I have no way of ever contacting her again (although I did send her a "love package" through the mail for valentine's day. But I am afraid to contact her and harass her any more than that. And she'll be moving to a new address in a couple months... and we don't have kids... so I will have NO way of ever contacting her again... And knowing that *IF* God ever DID change her heart... all her friends and family think I'm a wife beater... and I don't see them ever allowing her to come back. Add that to the fact that she thinks I raped her 4 years ago... It all *seems* hopeless... and I struggle everyday with if praying for restoration is worth it... Anyway, before God worked a miracle in me and softened my heart... I was doing and saying the EXACT same things she is saying to me (only to other people and not to her), of course I didn't accuse her of rape or any of those things though. But I was 100% convinced we were miserable, that I hated her, and that there was no hope. I was adamant that I would NEVER change my mind. But God saved me from that dark place. And I know he can her too. Reading the I Do Again book, I was amazed at how it mirrored our emotions. Of course the details were a little different. We don't have kids, and some of the things Cheryl said and went through applied to my wife, and some applied to me. Same thing with Jeff. But ALL the emotions were there. It was very encouraging. I'm still depressed and struggle with what to do. And it's hard coming to grips with knowing she completely cut me out of her life, and didn't give the "new me" that God saved a chance. I love my wife more than anything. But she is in a very dark place. She's lied multiple times to her new boyfriend, to me, to her friends, to her family... all the while claiming she is "doing God's will" for her life. She grew up a Christian and it breaks my heart to see her going down this road, and everyone encouraging her. I'm simultaneously filled with hope and hopelessness. Anyone that reads this, your prayers are very much appreciated... but my wife needs your prayers more than I do. She's been deceived by others and by herself... and she's also deceiving many others. I want restoration in my marriage and the person I knew and loved back... but I know it won't happen until God changes her heart. Please pray for her. Thank you. Just read I Do Again, and came here for support. For those of you that read this, please pray for me and my wife.

My wife divorced me for another man. It’s a “long distance” relationship (5 hours), but they see each other weekly. She lied to me about it, even when I asked her point blank. But she’s telling her friends and family that I was abusing her (I guess she’s afraid they would judge her or something). So they all hate me, and are telling her to keep going down this road with the new guy who is “so much better for her”. Her and the new guy are VERY serioius… even though it’s only been 3 months.

She told me she hates me, she never loved me, only married me out of fear and guilt (although she admits the fear and guilt didn’t come from me)… and even went to far as to accuse me of raping her when we were dating (which is so far from the truth, I didn’t even know how to respond to that. I still don’t). But I believe she honestly has convinced herself that was the truth. She said I disgusted her whenever I got near her.

But here’s the thing… I KNOW none of that is true. Because I was there once too. Before she divorced me, I made the mistake of initiating the separation and asking for divorce. She fought to get back together for a month… then she found the other man. THEN (me still not knowing about the other man) I decided I wanted to work things out… and she went through with the divorce. Now I know her change of heart (wanting to work towards reconciliation then to divorce and never speaking to me… that change happened almost overnight), coincided to the day when this guy (who she had feelings for before she met me) contacted her. And now she’s made him into me. She’s doing all the exact same things her and I did when we dated, saying all the exact same things to him that she did to me. She’s trying to make him into me. I don’t know if that’s comforting or heartbreaking.

Even though I was not harassing her, she changed her phone number (I don’t have it), blocked me on Facebook, and changed her email address. I have no way of ever contacting her again (although I did send her a “love package” through the mail for valentine’s day. But I am afraid to contact her and harass her any more than that. And she’ll be moving to a new address in a couple months… and we don’t have kids… so I will have NO way of ever contacting her again… And knowing that *IF* God ever DID change her heart… all her friends and family think I’m a wife beater… and I don’t see them ever allowing her to come back. Add that to the fact that she thinks I raped her 4 years ago… It all *seems* hopeless… and I struggle everyday with if praying for restoration is worth it…

Anyway, before God worked a miracle in me and softened my heart… I was doing and saying the EXACT same things she is saying to me (only to other people and not to her), of course I didn’t accuse her of rape or any of those things though. But I was 100% convinced we were miserable, that I hated her, and that there was no hope. I was adamant that I would NEVER change my mind. But God saved me from that dark place. And I know he can her too.

Reading the I Do Again book, I was amazed at how it mirrored our emotions. Of course the details were a little different. We don’t have kids, and some of the things Cheryl said and went through applied to my wife, and some applied to me. Same thing with Jeff. But ALL the emotions were there. It was very encouraging.

I’m still depressed and struggle with what to do. And it’s hard coming to grips with knowing she completely cut me out of her life, and didn’t give the “new me” that God saved a chance.

I love my wife more than anything. But she is in a very dark place. She’s lied multiple times to her new boyfriend, to me, to her friends, to her family… all the while claiming she is “doing God’s will” for her life. She grew up a Christian and it breaks my heart to see her going down this road, and everyone encouraging her. I’m simultaneously filled with hope and hopelessness.

Anyone that reads this, your prayers are very much appreciated… but my wife needs your prayers more than I do. She’s been deceived by others and by herself… and she’s also deceiving many others. I want restoration in my marriage and the person I knew and loved back… but I know it won’t happen until God changes her heart. Please pray for her. Thank you.

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