Reconciliation possible?

I was thinking back 15 years ago……..I was in the midst of pursuing reconciliation of my marriage to Jeff. It wasn’t going well. But unbeknownst to me, God distinctly gave Jeff these verses: Proverbs 3:5-6…”Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight.” At this point in time, Jeff was so unsure of what to do. He could not imagine reconciling with me as his hatred and hurt was so great. He didn’t want to be in my presence, couldn’t imagine holding me, living with me or making love to me again! But it wasn’t up to Jeff! It was up to God. Jeff tells the story that he was leaning on his own understanding (which stunk), and he wasn’t trusting God with his heart…..It was that night as he wrestled with God that God intervened and revealed to him that he needed to trust Him…..not himself. Jeff’s heart was softened and changed…….

Today, 15 years later, we are in a restored, Christ-centered, flawed (b/c we are sinners!!), abundant marriage that neither of us could have asked for or imagined (Eph 3:20).

Are u willing to trust God….and not yourself?

Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs are authors, speakers, and Biblical counselors, not LPC's. Their writings include the widely used book I Do Again, which chronicles their thirty-year story of marriage, betrayal, infidelity, divorce, emotional damage and scarring, forgiveness, reconciliation, trust, and remarriage to each other. Jeff and Cheryl are the founders of Hope Matters Marriage Ministries in Dallas. They speak at conferences and weekend worship services in churches across the nation, sharing their love story of hope, redemption, restoration, and God taking hold of their lives. See their website:

This Post Has 246 Comments

  1. takeyourposition

    This is a great reminder that God works “behind the scenes”. I get so focused on the circumstances, and forget that God isn’t limited by those circumstances…he changes them!

    1. Neshia

      My husband and I have been separated for 3.5 years I wanted a divorce because I didn’t want to deal with all his issues and mine. After this time I want our marriage back and fixed. Not sure if God can fix our unfunctional marriage but I pray he can.

      1. douglas47

        God definitely CAN fix it. I wish you His best in this matter.

      2. Diane A

        I was in a relationship w my husband from hs prom to 7 years of marriage , nearly 19 years. Business and the world of deception drove us apart. 8 years of divorce and I still , strongly , feel this marriage was ordained by God , but that my husband s( then ) got cold and Hard. That’s the kind of stuff I have no choice but to leave in God’s hand and find peace.

    2. Josh

      Prayers to all of you as me im in the same boat. My wife and i have been together 14 years and shes been the love of my life but like others we had real life issues come up and medical issues that amplified that. We never got help just kept pushing it under the rug untill she wanted a divorce in december. Weve been seperated for 6 months and going through the divorve process but still early on. I finally talked with her and she and i both stated we still love each other and want to fight but she dont know if she can forgive me. There has never been adultery in our marriage just many harsh words since the seperation. I pray everyday and even got her to try marriage counseling.

      1. .....

        May God restore your beautiful marriage. Your story is so familiar it’s uncanny. I hope you are together again. It’ll never hurt to reach out to her and/or pray for her more. Just keep loving her, the wife of your youth. God bless.

      2. Daniela

        Josh, fight for your marriage. Even though it seems like it’s been a long time, there’s always hope for love; love waits. If you haven’t spoken to her in a while she may gotten better in so many great ways. Don’t ever give up on it, ever. I’ve been on and off this path for about 2.5 years and even though it hasn’t happened, I still believe in the miracle of marriage restoration.

  2. Greg

    I do believe that God works behind the scenes. My wife has been gone for four yrs as of today. She wont talk to me concerning our marriage or anything as her heart and conscience is apparently seared to that. I really don’t think God is able to work in the heart of my wife.

    1. Tara

      Hi Greg… just wanted to offer some supportive words… Your comment reads “I really don’t think God is able to work in the heart of my wife”… Really? How big is your God? Because MY GOD is able! My God created the universe just by speaking it into existence! My God parted the Red Sea! My God raised the dead to life! My God hates divorce! My God says He can make ALL things new! My God can heal any broken person and any broken marriage. I have been standing for my broken husband and marriage for over 2 years now. It has been a truly unbelievable journey with God… one filled with heartache, pain, love, forgiveness, strength, perseverance, patience, joy and peace! My husband is not home, yet… but if I believed all the words he has said and I continued to look at my circumstances, I would have been defeated even before I started… and I would have missed out on all the amazing blessings God had in store for me, including a new baby! God can change hearts of stone into hearts of flesh! He can turn the worst of sinners into the greatest disciples! Seek God first… ask Him what to do regarding your marriage and reconciliation… don’t look at where your wife is right now and all the surrounding circumstances… Have complete faith and trust in God and in what He can do. You can not change your wife’s heart… but GOD CAN! You have to believe two principles about God… 1) Believe that God is who He says He is and 2)That God will do what He says He will do!!! If you truly, truly believe that… then, NOTHING is impossible with Him [God] (Luke 1:37)!!! May He soften your wife’s heart and completely heal your marriage, “…immeasurably more than all you could ask or imagine…” (Ephesians 3:20-21a)!!! To get some additional encouragement, besides this website, I also recommend Keep praying… Keep standing… Keep trusting… Keep believing!!!

      1. Richard

        Beautiful words and faith. It is hard sometimes to have the faith you have Tara. You are where i wish to be. Since mine is so new and the battle is with my own doubts it does get confusing. Worry if your moments of doubt will be the death throw. But during those quiet moments of prayer and thought, those thoughts that everything will be good, they do give peace. Patience at least in my case is my millstone. Like you said, ” Don’t look at where your wife is right now or the surrounding circumstances.” It is difficult especially when another is in the picture, but I will have faith. Sometimes my faith is gasping for breath, sometimes it’s as hopeful as a new day.

        1. idah

          God works in ways we cannot imagine, trust in him and he will show you the way

        2. mima

          Going through a rough patch where my husband’s heart has hardened beyond what I thought possible towards me. There is another woman in the picture. The more I pray the worse his attitude towards me gets. He chased me out of a house we built while together and moved this other woman in while knowing full well that I am pregnant. Is it right for me to continue praying for a reconciliation. I feel like he has turned into a monstor I can never trust again. I have asked and cried to God for so long. I feel I’m making a fool of mself to my husband and his new woman. I have cried every night the last few months. But your words are encouraging.

          1. Tammy

            Mima, I saw your post and I feel for you so much. I am going through the same thing, dumped for a woman 28 years younger than me by the man I have loved with every breath for the past 12 years and I am devastated. I have done the same, prayed and cried and begged to God. I don’t know the answer but I think we need to pray for God to touch the hearts of these insensitive men and to weigh heavily on their conscience. To guide them back to the right path. I will pray for you as I pray for myself. God please bless this precious soul. Amen.

          2. angela

            im so sorry….i read your posting,just about cried this is exactly what my husabnd is doing to me,left 15months ago<another women,everyday he tells me he loves me ,that he is returning,hasnt yet,my heart is so broken…if i dare ask when,why whats keeping him he gets angry…im so hurt and confused,and pray for all of our broken hearts.

        3. phophi

          I know exactly what you talking about for the past few weeks I have been going through that doubting and my faith was a bit shaken but the help Of the Holy Spirit and prayer I am standing and believing that my husband will come back I just have to be still in the presence of God and know that He is God and nothing can limit His power I am standing in faith were my husband told me that the will never be us we are done but I believe and trust God that we are not done he is still my husband can’t wait to testify about this I am waiting patiently for God to change his hrt and mind God can make all things new so is my marriage

      2. Amber

        Hi Tara. Gotta question for ya. What if your husband is bipolar, ADHD, Has OCD & Major Depressive disorder? One minute he wants to & follows God then the next he bashes, is angry & asks why him, etc. it’s been like this for 5 years now. I’ve hung in by reading having very supportive friends, & praying like crazy. The sad part is: our 2 kids have grown up with such bad examples of how to communicate, react to stress, etc. they have had their self worth ripped away by his years of hurtful words ( only to be praised the next day— really confusing). I’ve been told so many times I should get the kids out b/c it’s so emotionally damaging. He’s very controlling. He will say its ok to do something, then when u do it, he makes u feel bad or it’s wrong. Myson is a senior and he is controlling every little detail of what our son will do when he graduates. It’s so sad. My husband loves us to death and says he can’t live without us, but has always threatened divorce since the kids were babies anytime we got into an argument & I always said that wasn’t the answer. Maybe I should have let him go? I have a lot of guilt for whatmy kids go through every day.

        1. Eric


          Maybe I can help.

          I had depression for ten years but due to arrogance and ignorance, denied it.

          In late November, the absolute love of my life asked for a divorce. She could not take my anger and depression anymore.

          I was devastated… and got VERY angry at God. I actually said to him “could you not take five seconds out of your busy day and just hit me on the head with a rock before I screwed up so badly?

          That night, while crying to my sister about ‘poor me’… my sister dropped the second bomb on me. She told me to “wake stupid, you DO have chronic depression and anger.”

          You see, God did hit me on the head with a rock… but he needed my dearest love to crack my arrogance, and my lovely sister to drive the point home.

          He dropped the rock when HE deemed I was ready to listen and grow as a man.

          I have since started meds, and am seeing a psychologit. I h have also asked my wife to reconsider. She indicated there may be a chance.

          My stupid sense of humor (which I had not realized died a long time ago) has started to resurface. I have since made my love belly-laugh several times.

          Listen closely.. your husband sounds just like I was.
          And if so he is in agony! Depression is an unbelievable disease. There is a monster in there lying to him and telling him to stay out of the light.

          Three weeks on meds and I realized the world is not black, there is color in it. And I have to fight the monster.

          I cannot tell you what this means to me to see light again, and I am guessing it will mean just as much to your husband.

          Has he seen a doctor and is he on meds? Tell him to go. Do what you need to do to save your husband and yourself. Both of your futures depend on it.

          Regardless if my love divorces me, I am eternally grateful to her. She risked everything to save my life.

          1. dolores

            Hello Eric,
            I believed that GOD if very powerful in all aspect of our life.You inspire me buy your story.I am separated with my husband close to one year now,,on in off.And its very sad b/c this is not the life I wanna be after marrying him.He is very controlling,anger,depression and paranoid,we both seeing counselling. He doesn’t want a divorce.I wish I can talk to you and shared with me how God work for you.I am very confuse.I don’t know how many chance i need to build my trust on him not to hurt me again.He is a nice person inside but then,every time he has his anger he forgot who I am,it’s like he has @ kind of personality.Please help I need your reply.God bless you! Happy Valentines!

          2. Tammy

            I beg you please if I give you my husband’s email will you email this post to him? I don’t want him to know that I had anything to do with it but he is confused, depressed, and abusing speed and alcohol and not in his right mind. He left me for someone much younger and I am devastated. Please I love this man with my every breath, his email is, maybe I should not do this but I am trying desperately to somehow reach him.

      3. Jennifer Swanner

        my husband has turned his back towards God…that’s what i see…his heart has grown cold towards me and our marriage…i believe that God can heal our marriage…he wants a divorce and i know wht God says about divorce…he tells me that the reason he wants the dicorce is because that we fight all the time…but minly when i bring up the fact that i wish he would get back in church and be under the conviction of God…he was there once before about 2 yrs ago…i was going to talk to a dovorce lawyer but then my husband changed his mind about the divorce…and i believe that was God changing him but now he’s let friends and partying and alcohol consume him…his friends tell him that divorce maybe the best optiong…but i know it can’t be…im going to believe with all my heart and all my soul that God will change my husband to be a better man and husband…and the person God made him to be…satan is not going to win this one…

        1. ziggy

          Try accepting him as he is……God accepts us where we are, we must do the same for our flawed husbands. Don’t argue about church. Carry all your anger, confusion and whatever you want to say to him to God. Your hubby needs to feel your love no matter what. Otherwise you are standing in the way of your husband seeing God in you. We all have a path that we have to follow; Once he is delivered, God will use his time of rebellion as a powerful testimony for other men who find themselves in the same spot he was in. Be patient and show love. He will come around when God is ready and all the conversations about God you try to have with him will only be met with anger. Pray. For yourself and your husband. Pray that God will turn his heart back. To your husband offer love and support. Make no mistake IT IS DIFFICULT. But God didn’t call us to be wussies; he called us to be warriors. YOU WILL WIN. Remember: NO WEAPON ! God bless.

          1. Scott Schatzan

            Love this , my wife and i have struggled over the years but its when she has loved me and shown me grace and unconditional love that has had a change in heart and look to god again after being hurt. My story is extensive spanning a 20 yr marriage and 5 children. We have alot of love in our family. And i am here to say that our marriage was messed up and uncertain and i am watching god work miracles as far as i am concerned. I do beleive God hates divorce and my marriage is a testimony to that. My wife loved me when i was unlovable. That didn’t happen overnight but it happened and i am so grateful for that.

        2. Tammy

          This sounds exactly like my husband. Father God please please soften the heart of these two men, you reached them both before and you can do it again. Please God open their eyes so they can see that they belong with us and nowhere else. Please let them see the truth and the light so that our marriages can be intact. We love these men with our whole heart, the way you love the church, and do not under any circumstances want a divorce. Please Father God, have mercy on us and weigh heavily on the hearts of our husbands to realize that they need you and us in their lives. Amen.

          1. Nee

            As I sit and read my heart is relieved but still breaking, I believed that I was the only one going through this. It has been a year since we’ve seperated, and I’m in constant agony. I pray every day all day, I’m trusting GOD to bring to fruition what he has promised, but it is so hard. My husband wants a divorce simply because he doesn’t want to be married anymore. He is also depressed,3 years ago he lost hisom dad and grandfather all within four months that really did a huge number on our marriage, he says he doesn’t have any family, my GOD WHAT ARE ME AND THE KIDS. I could never understand his pain but I love my husband so much and I’m praying that GOD SOFTENSMY HUSBANDS HEART. He acts like being in the same room with me is torture,he said a year ago he was planning to move in with a friend so I offered counseling, when he refused I asked him to leave, and now he blames me! I am waiting on GOD TO MOVE IN THIS SUITATION

          2. Arthur

            Tammy or anyone here.. my wifw has left me and our two kids and now hoping to get her own place. She tells me she no longer wants to be married or love me the way she once did and its over. I dont want this marriage to end i just want her to love me again and see how god can turn this around for us. Please will somebody pray the strongest prayer they know for my wife (clinae) and i and our marriage. THat god works thismiracle for me and our children.

      4. Salome Sharon C. Yap

        Tara, amen amen amen … It is very hard indeed like in my case when I was the “culprit …” that’s why my husband wants us to separate…. Just weeks ago. He found somebody new and he will live with that girl soon but we are civil for the kids. Even with what I’ve done, I really won’t to save our marriage, not only for the kids but because I really love my husband. I returned to God now, confessed my sins and ask for His forgiveness. and I am only relying now on God’s promises … on His ways. I’m already forgiven and I will continue to seek Him and I trust that in His own perfect time, my husband can totally forgive me already, he will be healed emotionally and spiritually, and He will let my husband return to us. Nothing is impossible with God. We can’t fix our marriage but God can ….

      5. jessemgaunt

        so what it sounds like from what u said Tara u have a new baby but you and your husband are not back together, if so I’m confused here.

      6. Art

        Read Deteronomy 24:4

        1. David

          My pastor said that the verse you stated is old testament and no longer applies

      7. GG


        These are the words I needed to hear!!! Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. I am currently in a tough situation, where my wife has been wanting out for a while, as I have caused to much damage for being very selfish in our marriage. I have said lots of horrible things out of anger while doing things that I was supposed to either! It makes me feel like a horrible man. There is not a day that I dont repent doing/saying all these stuff to her with the lord. She has fallen out of love with me, doesnt want to be here, hates the current location where we live, doesnt want me in her future, doesnt allow me to hug her or kiss her, and most importantly, she avoids me at all times. It is hurtful. Recently, she contacted her X fiancé (who she broke off her engagement)and they have been talking non-stop via text and phone calls after work. Honestly, I feel like someone is stabbing me in the heart! There is nothing i CAN do but leave it to the lord as he is the only one who can potentially save my marriage.

        Any advice and guidance is appreciated!

      8. Steve Nardozza

        Hey Tara…….I read ur words often. Thank you. Stephen

      9. Gary

        Tata…Luke 1:37, I hang onto that every day with my broken marriage situation. My wife has filed for “D”, I don’t want it. I have changed my ways and have put my marriage and family in God’s hands. I pray so hard every day God grants me my heart’s true desire. I hope God’s will is to save my marriage and family, but wife’s free will has the final answer. Luke 1:37…thank you for believing that, too. Gary

        1. Howard

          Your wife does not have the final say, God does.

          1. Diana

            God is greater! Keep all focus on God nothing else. Let God’s will be done.

      10. Johnny


      11. Beatrice Wairimu Irungu

        Loving it all the way. Yes, God is able, He is The I Am, what you make him to be – your healer, protector, provider…etc whatever you say HE is Alfa and Omega. Watch the movie Son of God. May the Almighty God Heal your marriage! Trust Him.

        1. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

          May God remind each of you that He can do immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine (Eph 3:20) and nothing is impossible with Him (Matt 19:26)

      12. Cece

        Tara- That was a very beautiful words of encouragement. For the past 10 pain, bitterness, and sadness dawned on me when my husband abandoned me and left when I was out of town. Without a word or explanation. No third party either. I grew anger and bitterness, until God spoke to me to trust in Him. Through the help of a good friend who continues to encourage me to press with my faith and continue to pray. My God has been faithful to me. I never thought i’d make this far, but HE supported me and gave me strength to go on each day. I stopped seeing old friends to avoid voices of the enemy telling me how horrible my husband is. It was my decision to stay quiet and maybe coz of the humiliation he did. but more so, I wanted to keep whatever respect they have for him.. until such day God will restore us. No words from him and he never tries to communicate or work things out..but my friend continues to encourage me with powerful verses and words of wisdom that there is nothing impossible with God.

        Greg — I will be praying for you. Continue to pray for your wife as well.

      13. Jason

        These are such supportive words that give ones hope for restoration that may seem impossible. All you have to do is trust in him and he can heal and make magnificent things happen.


      14. Kenetta

        I Just wanted to encourage everyone here. My husband abandoned me and our two boys years ago. I waited two years to file for divorce. The situation seemed hopeless, and I wanted to finally move on from a man who nearly destroyed me. After being divorced for five years, a very powerful woman of God, told me that I was to be reconciled to him! She said don’t worry how God’s going to do it, just know he’s going to do it. I did not want to hear these words. I had come to hate the man who lied, cheated, and deceived me. It is now 2014 and we have been remarried 6 months. God took this man and turned him completely around. He is in loved with the Lord, a great dad, and loves me so much. It took God breaking him, and then healing me to be able to receive him back into my life. With God all things are possible!!!Amen.

        1. Rachel

          I thank you for your testimony, I too am going threw same thing. Husband of 23 years abandon me and our 9 year old son and he raised my 30 year old son as his own as well. He is living with a 20 year younger woman addicted to meth. This FEBUARY , 4 years no contact and divorced 3 years , he shows up in expectedly. All the right words and claiming love and apology, we had none when he left, never talked about any thing, no closure. Any way , for 3 weeks planning on reconciling and all of a sudden , goes back to the pit , email me an ugly email and days stop praying and leave him alone . It’s been almost 6 months and 2 with no contact again . I love this man and I know who and what he can be and GOD has had me stand for a reason. It is hard , our son got used to every 2 week visit and having a dad again and now nothing. I know GOD IS WORKING , I thank you for your truthfulness and faith, it encourages me. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

      15. Geoff


        Wow! thank you so much? My wife’s heart is so hard right now- For good reasons. Trusting God to heal. Encouraged by your words.

        Any updates for you??

      16. Larry


        I have been separated from my wife 3 months this week, you have really encouraged me with your post. I do believe God is bigger than my circumstances and I stand on his promise. I am standing for my marriage, it is hard at times. My emotions are on a roller coaster ride but for the most part I am doing really good thanks all to God.


      17. james

        thank you for your comment, i have been waiting for my wife for three years, it’s been rough, but i am believing God to take her heart of stone and turn into a heart of flesh. i appreciate the comments, i needed to read it just at the right time.

      18. anwar

        Hi tara thank you for your beautiful words as I read them looking for hope and inspiration. My wife left me 6 weeks ago Friday and has told me too move on she doesn’t love me anymore and that she’s not coming back. We have been married for 16 years and have 6 children together. I still love her with everything in me I wasn’t perfect in the beginning but I gave my life too God whole hardely I pray daily and keep my faith even tho everyone around me tells me I’m crazy for still wanting her back. She told me God told her too leave but I know he doesn’t like divorce so I know it wasn’t him thanks again for your beautiful words of encouragement I will continue hoping and praying and one day this nightmare will be over

      19. Demarquis L Johnson

        That was powerful. Nothing is impossible with God. See it in the heavenly! Pray for your marriage and Greg’s. Let everyone rejoice and praise God.

      20. Robert

        I am in the same situation as you and going on two years of separation in October. Thank you for sharing your brief testimony. It has inspired me to keep standing. I continue to walk by Faith during this season. I have fasted and handed my marriage over to the Lord. We serve a God of Miracles. I have developed a great relationship with my wife during my separation and have learned not to read into her worldly desires and her negative influences because I can’t control what she does. Sometimes ot crosses my mind to give up but the Holy Spirot tells me to stand firm amd to trust Him. Your words of wisdom were timely.

      21. Arlene

        Thank you for your blog. I’ve been separated for 8 years. A divorce court coming in May 2019. He’s been with another woman for 8 years. Maybe more. He’s bought land built a new house for them and built a new house. Tell me there’s still hope

      22. Arlene

        Thank you for your blog. I’ve been separated for 8 years. A divorce court coming in May 2019. He’s been with another woman for 8 years. Maybe more. He’s bought land built a new house for them and built a new house. Tell me there’s still hope. We have been married for for 40 years. Separated for 8. Please give me hope Tara

      23. Arlene

        Please answer my call for hope

    2. Daniel

      @ Greg… Greg I also want to offer encouraging words. I prayed a very long time (years) for my wife after she left. I will spare the details, but she also would not talk to me, or want anything to do with me. Her heart was extremely hard and divorce was days away. The night before we were to sign divorce papers, she called and asked me not to sign. She wanted a chance to work it out. I was totally blown away. Currently, we are going to counseling and we are making strides to restoring our relationship. The past 3 weeks have been the best in 13 years of marriage. I know God works behind the scenes and he will touch the heart of those we pray for. It may be hard, but keep trusting Him.

      1. Christopher Hastings


      2. Jonathan

        We’ve been separated for 2.5 months and are about to sign our paperwork. The last few months have simultaneously been the worst and the best time of my life. Worst because a part of my heart is being ripped out of me, but best because it’s brought me to my knees in true repentance and humble reliance on God. Thanks for sharing your encouraging story. I pray that people on this site will find hope, even if reconciliation isn’t a part of God’s plan for our marriage (even writing that sentence took a lot of faith).

        1. Salome Sharon C. Yap

          Reconciliation will always be a part of a marriage whenever one or both of the parties wants it and will ask God for help. But if nobody will pray and ask the Lord for it then perhaps they don’t want it, too but still … God have His own plans for us most especially to those who will persevere and wait til God will fix their marriage … Like me. I trust in God’s promises and in due time, He will touch my husband’s heart and He will enlighten his mind to return to our family. In Jesus’ name …

    3. Christopher Hastings


      I can’t imagine the agony of four years. The disappointment, the anger, the rage – and how much hope has been lost. My wife left at Thanksgiving, took my son with her – and then we went through this weak period of trying to fix it. By weak I mean ineffective – and with little movement on her part. She told me she wanted a divorce the day before Valentine’s Day – and then reiterated it on Valentine’s Day in a cousnelor’s office. She took my family on Thanksgiving and then told me she wanted a divorce on Valentine’s Day.

      But God has been faithful. It took me awhile to see it – and awhile to see it through my pain, but its getting better. He has spoken encouragement to my heart about the path of reconciliation. When I asked Him what He wanted, He brought to mind the parable of the lost sheep. Are we willing to leave all we have in the call of obedience to pursue that one thing that is worth it? All the pain, justification and injury? Only God can speak that to your heart powerfully, but only you can ask. You may have some stuff God needs to work with in you before you can begin to believe in that path – and thats okay.

      If you want someone to hear your story and walk with you – call me. I’ll help encourage you in any way I can – Christopher

      8 3 2 6 4 6 9 8 7 5 (typed this way to prevent spam bots…)

    4. Salome Sharon C. Yap

      Hi Greg! Please don’t lose hope. In every situation, most especially in separation or other very serious events in our lives, God wants us to know that He is calling us to be closer to Him again. Nothing will happen overnight but his wants us to persevere. He wants us to look on ourselves first, ask forgiveness for our sins and repent. Let’s seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all the other things will be added unto us … so let go and let God. Nothing is impossible with the Lord. For us humans, there te things that we just cannot fix so we will plow god to fix it for us but we should be willing to do our part, too. Follow His words and follow His ways. Like a month ago, more or less, my husband told me that he wants us to separate (because I cheated on him years ago) because he now found somebody whom he can give his unconditional love again. He said I don’t deserve his love anymore and he no longer love me, he is not holy with me anymore. I turned back to God because I cannot fix my marriage anymore on my own. I have to let go and Let God do His ways. It’s not easy but to renew our relationship with God, letting go of our sins and we will do to follow His words and actions, we will just trust Him and in His own perfect time, when we are ready, He will grant the desires of our hearts. So let’s renew ourselves, avoid sins, read our bible everyday and pray unceasingly, in due time, we will be surprised with His rewards. We will just trust in His words and promises, what God has joined together, let no man separate. We will just hang on and persevere.

    5. Mr T

      I have felt the same about my wife. She is a believer but has a heart of stone towards me even though I have always been a faithful husband and good provider. She does not know (because she does not want to know) what forgiveness is. She is not reachable by her own choice, thereby limiting God’s healing power. So yes – some make it impossible. Sad but true.

    6. Stephanie

      I’d like to agree with Tara first of all. Let me tell you about what God is doing in my life. He’s been working to restore our broken lives. My husband remarried 5 weeks after our divorce in 2003. We didn’t even speak to each other for 8.5 years. He had to go to prison for 3 of those years. We’ve been in contact for 2 years now, and for the last 6 months we’ve been conversing, talking daily through video conferencing, text, emails and phone calls. We see each other about once a month because he lives in Dallas and I am 100 miles from there. But he works in the Bakken Oil Field in North Dakota. He is still married to his adultery partner. I’m still standing! God has promised me that He will restore all the years that the locusts have eaten. I don’t even date. There was a time when I prayed for God to remove the love I have for my husband. And believe me there was hatred, bitterness and anger there as well. He was smoking crack and sleeping with other women at one point. God can do an amazing job! Now he’s working and taking care of his responsibilities and seeing his child after NOT seeing her for so long. God has restored that relationship. No, it is not like it would have been had there not been such devastation, but it has been an opportunity for our child to experience grace and mercy and to extend it herself. Do we still have issues and problems? YES! We sure do! Do I believe God will work them out? Yes! I sure do! Praying for God to reveal His truth about His will for your lives to you and that you can be the man He’s calling you to be.

      1. Love will prevail

        If he is married to another woman (even if she is the one he cheated on you with) why would you want to start a relationship with him? Isn’t that what ruined your marriage? So he has not let God change him. I will pray for God’s answers for you.

    7. lovegod

      Greg god is able but to be honest god doesnt always give us what we want. Some people are only designed to be in our life for a season… sometimes we’rey trying to hold on to the things that God is trying to take away from us so he can give us something better… don’t lose faith just continue to pray it isn’t always on our time…. and for you to say that you don’t think god can do it that means that your prayers I just hit the ceiling come down because you doubt what God is able to do… when you pray believe what you pray …
      I feel you my husband left when I was going through breast cancer so just hang in there and is having and affair and has filed for divorce.. But i know god is able to turn it around..

    8. Scott

      “I really don’t think God is able to work in the heart of my wife.”

      Maybe he has, and you just don’t like the answer. My ex wife tells me all the time she prays for me, which I’m not sure I believe. But when she was in the throes of one of her extramarital affairs, I wasn’t much of a consideration. God gave me the strength to walk away from abuse. Don’t assume he’s not working just because the result doesn’t fit your mold of what you think you should receive as a result. Work from faith, not from what is in your eyes.

      1. ft

        He should assume just that. God has a lot to say about marriage and he also says “he is the master of hearts”. Yet he can’t change a heart that is not willing and if he can and doesn’t than that proves he is not interested in doing anything to save the marriage which also contradicts what he says about marriage. Don’t believe everything you read.

        1. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

          It is amazing what God can do, Eph 3:20, as nothing is impossible with Him. One thing we always need to remember is that God knows what He is doing. Staying faithful to Him and seeking Him will guide and direct you even in the most challenging situations. What I say to so many is never give up.

          1. Alicia Hicks

            Hello its so heartfelt to see other people going through what I am, I don’t feel so alone anymore. Please pray for me and my husband Eddie Hicks he left me for another women and said he don’t want me nomore, he said he don’t know what he wants to do, he packed up me and our daughter stuff and sent us away. He has been messing with this other women for 6 months and she new he WAS married but was waiting on him to leave me. This just happened a few days ago, and i am so disappointed embarrassed hurt angry and sad This has really got my attention

          2. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

            Alicia, WE will be praying for God’s Hand and Grace in this.Always remember God can do anything Matt 19:26

          3. David

            I’ve been going through such a tough time this past year. I’ve been an emotional wreck trying to figure out why. It’s not in the power of us to fix something that’s out of our control. Keep your faith strong and believe. I love how so many of you say “never give up”, those are the most encouraging words in the universe. Although my spouse has told me and our 3 young children it’s forever over and we’ll never be a whole family again, I continue to believe God is working and DO NOT doubt him! Again, NEVER GIVE UP ON WHAT YOU TRULY LOVE!

  3. Kris

    Don’t give up, God is able, and He wants your marriage to be healed. Be sure to check out the website that Tara shared, RMM is so helpful and leads you straight to our great and Awesome God.
    God is working on the other side of the mountain, where we don’t see and He is doing great things.

  4. Sandra

    My divorce became final last year. I think either one of us wanted it completely because at the end of the hearing we both were teary eyed. My ex husband had an affair and still living with the woman. They never married. I got myself out of a deep depression i went back to school and try to lose all the negativity in my life. Recent events with our daughter has us in communication more ( almost every day for about 3 months) nothing more than conversation. He told me that he wished none of this had ever happen. he dont know why he did what he did. he stated he knew what we had was love and he would never have that with her. He stated he was sorry for what all he had put me through the last 5 years and he gave me a hug. the past 2 weeks he has texted or called me just to say hello and to see how my day is going. no lines have been crossed and nothing has been said out of the way. we recently spoke about how are fights were not us we rarely fought when we were married. once we split we said some mean things to one another just trying to hurt each other. we both apologized to one another. my heart has been stirring. I never really stopped loving him even thru all of this. this morning he sent me a text stating : please dont call or text me. i have a problem its not you. i will call you in a week or so. my heart has went to shambles. why? i have no idea. i know he is still living with her but i know they are not really getting along. ( per ex sisterlaw). was i hoping for somehting that wouldnt happen? it was so funny i came acrosse I do again book while i was out. i read it in one day. it was such an eye opener but i was the Jeff in our situation but it was so nice to see both views of people and what was going on. i know things happen for a reason and i have prayed that we would get back together. I just feel in a state of confusion on where things are. just say a prayer for me!

    1. cherylscruggs

      Hi Sandra,
      Thank u so much for sharing your story and letting us and our readers know how to pray for you. Sandra, don’t give up, ok? Allow God to carry you right now and give you direction. When the going gets a bit tough, we tend to give up. We know God does not want you to give up on this.

      1. Sandra

        thank you so much for both of you sharing your story. it is really good insight on both sides of the fence. I have given it to God I know if it is in his plan it will happen. just little things keep popping up like our wedding song on the radio. it was 13 years ago why are they playing it so often? keeping myself busy by cleaning and found a scrapbook from one of our vacations we went. Hoping this is all postives signs. i did as he requested to not call or text him but it has been really tough. so keep on praying for the right direction for both of us.

        1. cherylscruggs

          Hi Sandra,
          Have you read our book yet, I Do Again, ? I think this would give you great hope and encouragement as u pursue what God wants you to do.

          1. Sandra

            Yes, I have. It actually suggested to me by a stranger at the bookstore. I mentioned nothing of my story to her. She told me she read it and thought it was good to give to anyone that is in a relationship. I never told her I was or wasnt. I read the back and immediately that it was for me. I read it in one day and it really struck home. As for my ex husband he is still living with the other woman. He would have to leave her completely and cutoff all ties. I think he is battling within himself because he knows is not happy and scared to think i might reject him or it wouldnt work out. Hopefully he will decide to take the leap of faith and we can start over.

      2. Arlene

        Please answer my call for hope

  5. Melissa

    I have read Jeff and Cheryl’s book 3 times!! It is my life 95% I am now on my own with my daughters and have been working on repairing the damage I have done. My ex-husband and I do communicate well but it is mostly about our girls. I want to know so bad if he would be willing to reconcile but I am so scared to ask! I am trying to trust in God and follow his lead but sometimes I worry that I am going to miss the opportunity! What if he moves on, what if he says no, what if…. How do I know when to approach him with this? We had a long talk (very similar to Cheryl’s letter) and he listened. We had some closure on some issues and I was able to explain to him that I take full responsibility for my part. My girls are still grieving (its been 2 years) and my heart just aches for them. I’m so confused as to what to do!! Or do anything at all…

    1. cherylscruggs

      Hi Melissa, thanks for writing! From my point of view, what do u have to lose by sharing your heart and telling him where your heart is? Trust that God will lead the way for you. Melissa, where do you live?

      Any of you have any comments for Melissa?

      1. Melissa

        HI Cheryl,
        Thank you so much for your reply. I live in Pennsylvania. I wish so badly I could come see one of your seminars. After reading your book I disected your website for information. You are right. What do I have to lose? I guess I dont want to be premature in my actions (my past decsions have not been the best) and sometimes questions my own judgement. I am in a whole different place than I was 2 years ago and in the meantime have begun my journey with the Lord which has been beyond amazing. I am so excited about all of that I want to share it with my exhusband. I will continue to pray for guidance, my girls, and the continued softening of my exhusband’s heart. Thank you again. Your book has truly changed my life!

    2. Douglas

      Melissa, I think it is important for you to express your desire to reconcile with your husband. I would not overly concerned with the timing. Even if he is not amenable to reconciliation when you would bring up the matter, you would be planting a seed ,like people do when they witness to people about Jesus. Some accept Jesus on the first presentation of the Gospel, others commit to Him later on. I personally have seen this alot.The same could be true concerning your husband and reconciliation.
      I would suggest that you not be timid in this area. It would be sad if he moved on with his life in a way that would make reconciliation virtually impossible because you were timid. When you talk to him about this just make sure he knows you love him second only to Jesus. I’m praying for you and your family about all this

  6. cherylscruggs

    Melissa, does ur church ever have speakers come and share?

    1. Melissa

      HI Cheryl,

      I am somewhat new to my church (moved back in March) so I am not sure if they have speakers on topics such as divorce, marriage, etc. I would imagine they do. I know they have a Divorce Care group (support group) and although I cannot attend, they do send me devotionals on a daily basis. I am finding that I am getting beyond the “traume” of divorce (the rollercoaster of emotions, confusion, depression, etc) and have really moved onto what is my next step? Never thought in a million years I would be thinking of reconciliation but here I am. I actually re-read the part in your book where Jeff spoke about when he finally started considering reconciliation and part of that was due to your persistence and determination. You spoke about how if it meant you never married again, you wouldn’t. I can really relate to that. I really feel deep down in my heart that this was it. I said to a friend of mine the other day that I really feel that my exhusband is the only husband God intended for me. That just came to me one day. I cried when I told her I made a commitment before God that I was accepting him as my husband and now I cant even imagine making that promise again. I feel as though it would go against everything God intended for me. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I will continue to look for speakers. I know I havent seen any on reconciliation but will continue to look. Thanks!

      1. Sarah

        I have not read the book yet. It is on my reading list though. And I can’t wait to get to it!
        Just wondering on the part you said: “…the part in your book where Jeff spoke about when he finally started considering reconciliation and part of that was due to your persistence and determination. You spoke about how if it meant you never married again, you wouldn’t.”
        Of course everyone has advice when you are in this situation, but I have to ask. Aren’t you concerned that the spouse may take that as permission to go “bachlor(ette)” and when they get bored or get it out of their system – they can come right on back into the family?
        I did that. I told my husband right off that he was the one and only. I would never remove my rings. I would be waiting for him to come home. That I had discovered unconditional love and nothing he could do would break it.
        Well – shortly after I told him about the unconditional love – he started having an affair. We are married, living seperate about 5 minutes from each other. We have a 5 year old. He is military, she is military, and I work on the base as civilian. I run into them all the time. Its embarrassing. I feel like the laughing stock, the fool, the doormat.
        I AM STRUGGLING. How do you NOT think about the affair? How do you not feel anger that your child is being subjected to that person? How do you not feel anger that the spouse continues to lie to your face about it all?
        This is all killing me. I just want to pack up and move far away but financially – I can’t.
        I am soooo open to godly constructive advice…

        1. Melissa

          HI Sarah,
          I am by no means one to be giving advice on this topic. The only thing I can say is do whatever you can to get your hands on the book. Now, you will be reading it from a different perspective than I was but regardless, I do believe it will help you understand from all perspectives. I never looked at it from God’s perspective. That is what made the difference for me. My ex and I never put God first in our marraige and when things got tough, we turned to eachother to make it better rather than turing to God. When it didnt get better, that gave us reason to blame. Now, after reading the book 3 times (and still going back to it over and over again), I realize that all I can do is forgive myself, pray, follow what I believe it is that God has in store for me, and pray some more. I dont know if my exhusband will ever have a softening of his heart or find God the way I have, but that is out of my control and up to God. All I can do is live my “new” life and trust. This is where I struggle but I get up each day trying my best. Through this process I can honestly say that God has spoken to me. And when I say that I dont think I will ever marry again, that’s because through my prayer and meditation, it’s where my heart ends up each and every time. It’s not about my ex and what he does, it’s about me and my relationship with God. If we are to reconcile, we will. I cant imagine how you must feel especially with it in your face day in and day out. My only advice is to turn to God. He will take care of you and your son. You will begin to heal and feel stronger because of Him.

  7. Scott

    I’ve been divorced since May ’08. I’ve been praying for reconciliation since we were separated that previous July. I’ve even taken things into my own hands and dated a few times, and crossed the line physically in two of those. My situation is similar to Jeff and Cheryl, but I was the unfaithful one, and she was the one who wanted the divorce. She has been hard-hearted towards reconciliation from the beginning. We get along well, but she will only talk to me when our two girls (11 and 8) are concerned. I try to stretch the time with her, time on the phone, and texting, just to have more with her. She has continued to date, and has lived with two of her boyfriends, along with our daughters. It kills me when she has boyfriends, especially when I see them. I have my ups and downs for sure. When I give it to God, it’s easier, but when I take it back, it’s hell for me emotionally. I get caught up with thoughts of her doing this and that with some guy, and it burns inside of me. I also have times of trust and distrust with God’s handling this. It’s the “I can do this better” thing. I know that He can do it better than I ever could, but once in awhile, I get those feelings. I know He can restore. I’ve read so many different testimonies and heard on the radio, and that’s very encouraging to me, but I think, “that’s them and not me. Why would he answer my prayer? Why would He restore my marriage?” It’s the “woe is me” attitude. This patience thing He is teaching me is really hard, especially when I don’t see anything coming from my ex. I’d like to have a clue at least, but maybe that would stop whatever growth is going on inside of me. If this is what it takes for me to have a close relationship with God, to be fully dependent on Him, than so be it. But, I still don’t want to be divorced from my ex. I hate it! I still want her back. I know that a new marriage with her would be better than before because of the work He is doing in me. I wonder if I could be hindering His work in this, or if she could be hindering His work? If, if, if… Her name is Tiffani, btw. Currently re-reading I Do Again for the 4th time.

  8. Melissa

    I have been reading the comments left on reconciliation and have commented a few times myself. I can soooo relate to many of the people on here. I guess the question I have for cheryl (or anyone else who would like to answer) is, at what point do you know that it is God’s will to address reconciliation with your ex and not your own will? I really don’t trust my own will anymore given the circumstances that I am currently in. I can totally relate to Scott when he says he tries to find ways to stay on the phone longer, email, text, etc with his ex just to have that connection. Last night I was getting ready for Back to School Night for my daughter and knowing I was going to see my ex, I put on some “nicer” clothes, a little more lip gloss, etc. I asked myself “What is this all about?” I wanted so badly to ask him about considering reconciliaiton even as we stood inthe parking lot after the meetings but chickened out! I am driving myself insane with wanting to reconcile and not knowing how to bring it up. I pray, read, journal, read, pray, journal waiting for God to give me an enormous sign that says Now Is The Time!!! UGH!!

    1. Scott

      I also want to tell my ex about reconciling, but I’ve already brought that up before, and she really let me have it. I was really depressed after that. It seemed to me that things were improving between us, as I had dinner with them a few times, stayed at her house with our girls and her for two o three hours several times, then she got a bf and that “killed” me. I was mad at God because of that, in light of what had been happening earlier that year. Since then, she broke up with him, then back with him, moved in with him and broke up with him again. Now, she is in another relationship. It is definitely wearing on me, and I there have been and still are many “whys?” When I try to do things on my own, it gets messed up. If I sit back and allow God to work in this, it seems like nothing is happening, at least to me anyway. She doesn’t even communicate with me unless it concerns our daughters. I never really appreciated communication with her until I didn’t have it anymore. I miss it for sure, no one to talk to, to share my feelings with, my sadness, my joy, etc. I know you probably have similar feelings. I also overthink too, and that causes MUCH anxiety on my part, which then leads to some depression for awhile, and that’s no good. When I learn something new, I think “doesn’t she know that?” When I learn a new thing, or re-learn something, I think that’s what it was and that we’ll be back together. Still…nothing. Status Quo. I pray more than I ever have before our separation and ultimately divorce three and one half years ago. I have been journaling for the past four years pretty consistently. When I have no one to talk to face to face, I know I can journal. It helps me to be able to do that. I tried journaling several years ago, but didn’t stay with it. Funny how circumstances change things! It feels so one-sided, you know?

      1. Melissa

        HI Scott,

        Wow…frustrating. I feel for you. I know it is so hard to do, but letting go and letting God is my motto every day. If God’s plan is for the two of you to be back together than that is what will happen. If not, it means He has a better plan for you. My advice is to stick with your praying, journaling, etc and just put all of your faith in God. I actually read a letter I had written to my ex-husband just pouring out my heart. I read it to him on Sunday. His body launguage reminded me of how Jeff described how he felt when Cheryl read her first letter. I’m sure he couldn’t wait for it to be finished but I needed to get through it. When I was done, I was sobbing and he was numb. We wound up talking for about 1 1/2 hours during which time he told me that he is seeing someone. When I imagined this day would come, I thought I would crumble. Instead, something (or someone) inside of me said, “do not worry, give him time, let him do what he needs to and in time he will be ready.” It was the strangest thing. Since then, I have had this sense of peace about me that I never had before. If I were to die today, I know I have said everything I needed to say to my Ex-husband. I have forgiven myself, accepted God’s forgiveness, and I do believe someday my ex will forgive me too. For now, I am putting all of my energy in God and my girls. I cant control what decisions my ex makes and he knows where I stand. He asked me if I wanted to reconcile and I said yes. He couldn’t believe it. He said he wasnt sure and needed time. I told him I agreed and that if we were going to go down this road, we needed counseling and God. I dont know what he is thinking but I have done all I can do. It is in God’s hands. Same with your situation. Pray for God to help you with the anxiety and letting go and trusting in Him. Focus on the aspects of your life rather than your ex-wife’s. Try to find the treasures in this trial because you are here for a reason.

        1. Jimmy

          So beautiful. I find mylsef in the same place lately as Father is displacing my orphan heart with that of a son. He loves us so perfectly. He loves us just the way we are. Aaaaaaaaahhh I’m so glad to know that I’m His happy thought. Thank you, Papa!

        2. Bibiana

          Hi Melissa,
          I know where you are… I am in the same place as you but a year has passed since my husband, now ex-husband since 2 months ago, started a relationship with a woman… They have been together a whole year… Have travelled together, she sleeps in his place every weekend with our 2 boys there…
          If my children have a function on, they both go together and hold hands in front if me…
          I also felt that peace you talk about when their relationship was starting and he knew I wanted to reconcile… Even though I was also the “culprit” to our breakup, I also thought we had a chance… The way he heard me as I poured my soul to him…
          But now after a year, I feel they are stronger… And the more time goes by, the more he will forget about us and only remember the bad… Because that is what happens…
          I also have been searching for God… I want to surrender to him… But for me, instead if making me stronger, I do d myself being weaker… Crying at church, crying while I pray… Just crumbling…
          I feel God telling me also that my ex is the only man I am meant to be a wife for… I have also kept my rings on…
          But the question and doubt is still there… Will we reconcile? Has he found the real love of his life as he said to me I was once upon a time?…
          I have also read I do, again and only wish the same outcome for all if us here… We are united by God!!!
          God bless you all and your families!!

          1. Lina

            I still want to believe in
            God and him being able and
            willing to reconcile with
            my husband. So much as
            happened that I’m not sure
            this one will be possible.
            All our friends, him family
            and mine and everyone knows
            what has happened. I think
            he was sure after making
            the decision to leave me.

            I still love him and my
            marriage is important to me
            I can’t think of myself with anyone else

            My husband left 9 months ago and it seems like yesterday. Since than I’ve discovered he was having an affair while we were married and lied to me about everything. Now is lives with the OW and I’m still devastated. “

  9. Aaron

    Just read I Do Again, and came here for support. For those of you that read this, please pray for me and my wife.

    My wife divorced me for another man. It’s a “long distance” relationship (5 hours), but they see each other weekly. She lied to me about it, even when I asked her point blank. But she’s telling her friends and family that I was abusing her (I guess she’s afraid they would judge her or something). So they all hate me, and are telling her to keep going down this road with the new guy who is “so much better for her”. Her and the new guy are VERY serioius… even though it’s only been 3 months.

    She told me she hates me, she never loved me, only married me out of fear and guilt (although she admits the fear and guilt didn’t come from me)… and even went to far as to accuse me of raping her when we were dating (which is so far from the truth, I didn’t even know how to respond to that. I still don’t). But I believe she honestly has convinced herself that was the truth. She said I disgusted her whenever I got near her.

    But here’s the thing… I KNOW none of that is true. Because I was there once too. Before she divorced me, I made the mistake of initiating the separation and asking for divorce. She fought to get back together for a month… then she found the other man. THEN (me still not knowing about the other man) I decided I wanted to work things out… and she went through with the divorce. Now I know her change of heart (wanting to work towards reconciliation then to divorce and never speaking to me… that change happened almost overnight), coincided to the day when this guy (who she had feelings for before she met me) contacted her. And now she’s made him into me. She’s doing all the exact same things her and I did when we dated, saying all the exact same things to him that she did to me. She’s trying to make him into me. I don’t know if that’s comforting or heartbreaking.

    Even though I was not harassing her, she changed her phone number (I don’t have it), blocked me on Facebook, and changed her email address. I have no way of ever contacting her again (although I did send her a “love package” through the mail for valentine’s day. But I am afraid to contact her and harass her any more than that. And she’ll be moving to a new address in a couple months… and we don’t have kids… so I will have NO way of ever contacting her again… And knowing that *IF* God ever DID change her heart… all her friends and family think I’m a wife beater… and I don’t see them ever allowing her to come back. Add that to the fact that she thinks I raped her 4 years ago… It all *seems* hopeless… and I struggle everyday with if praying for restoration is worth it…

    Anyway, before God worked a miracle in me and softened my heart… I was doing and saying the EXACT same things she is saying to me (only to other people and not to her), of course I didn’t accuse her of rape or any of those things though. But I was 100% convinced we were miserable, that I hated her, and that there was no hope. I was adamant that I would NEVER change my mind. But God saved me from that dark place. And I know he can her too.

    Reading the I Do Again book, I was amazed at how it mirrored our emotions. Of course the details were a little different. We don’t have kids, and some of the things Cheryl said and went through applied to my wife, and some applied to me. Same thing with Jeff. But ALL the emotions were there. It was very encouraging.

    I’m still depressed and struggle with what to do. And it’s hard coming to grips with knowing she completely cut me out of her life, and didn’t give the “new me” that God saved a chance.

    I love my wife more than anything. But she is in a very dark place. She’s lied multiple times to her new boyfriend, to me, to her friends, to her family… all the while claiming she is “doing God’s will” for her life. She grew up a Christian and it breaks my heart to see her going down this road, and everyone encouraging her. I’m simultaneously filled with hope and hopelessness.

    Anyone that reads this, your prayers are very much appreciated… but my wife needs your prayers more than I do. She’s been deceived by others and by herself… and she’s also deceiving many others. I want restoration in my marriage and the person I knew and loved back… but I know it won’t happen until God changes her heart. Please pray for her. Thank you.

    1. mary kate

      Aaron, be comforted knowing that God is in control. It doesn’t matter if you have contact with her, it is the Lord who will do the work. The most powerful thing you can do is to pray. God wants to use this crisis in your life to reveal Himself to you in a powerful way. He wants you to learn to totally depend on Him. My husband and I are separated. Like you, I wanted to end the marriage, he did not. The Lord got a hold of me and turned me totally around, but now my husband is not open to reconciliation. But God has a plan. There are things that He has taught me that I would not have been open to if my husband had come back when I wanted Him to. God truly is in control, keep your eyes on Him – I know that sounds so cliche, but it is so true.

      1. Aaron

        I appreciate the response and kind words. I’m ready to call it quits though. I’m just sick of being in pain and the constant rejection, all the while my name is being drug through the mud.

        I’ve done nothing but pray with occasional fasting for months now, and things have just gotten worse. Still no contact with her, and she’s just more serious with this guy. And all her friends and family and her therapist are telling her how happy they are that she divorced me. I just think that if this was what God wanted for me… I would have gotten something in the way of ANY hope in these last months.

        I know people at like rejoice ministries say never to give up that God keeps His promises. Well, I believe God does keep His promises, but nowhere in scripture does God promise to restore all marriages. And for every restoration testimony I see, I see 20 more people who’s spouse never comes back… Despite they’re prayers for years and years. And EVERY restoration testimony, the people either had kids or maintained a line of communication. I’m still trying to find just ONE example of a restoration that had neither of those like mine do. Add that to the fact that her friends and family think I was abusing her….

        I believe God CAN do anything… I’m just beginning to doubt that He will bring her back… And I can’t take this pain much longer. Prayers are very much appreciated

        1. EJ

          Aaron, hold on to your faith and believe. You are looking at what the enemy wants you to see. Stop looking with your physical eyes and begin to look with your spiritual eyes. Take a deep breathe and time out! Go to God and leave it there, who cares what she is doing, just know and have faith to what God is doing.

        2. Jesse

          i am sure a testimony starts with ONE example. That example is Jesus Christ. He loved us while we were yet sinners and died for us. Do you love your wife more than your life? if you answered yes, then give your life to Christ, give your all to Him. The devil is a liar. The Word says put the kingdom of God first and ALL things shall be added to you. That is a real promise. From the ONLY way, truth, & life. All things you are facing hurt. Trust me I know the pain, the anger at God, the loneliness , & the images that are seeded in your mind that haunt you. It is difficult to trust God. I’d be a fool to say it is easy. I have journeyed for some time. I asked the Lord, “when can i give up on her?” He said…”when I give up on you” ..we do not see behind the scenes right now, all we see is the scenes, which hurt. Which point every direction that goes against our “plans”. I have a prodigal wife. But we are all prodigals at one point. Yet the father welcomes us openly. If i stop praying for my marriage reconciliation, how will that honor God? if God placed that promise in your spirit. Then you must endure.

  10. AnaMary

    Hi Jeff, Cheryl and everyone else,
    I have to say first that I admire you guys and your daughter Lauren for the very strong faith you exhibit, it is truly inspiring and I pray the Lord will continue guiding and strengthening you.
    I have also read your book, thank you so much for sharing your story, it truly gives hope. My husband and I have been separated for the last 7 months. I could say I was the Jeff in the story and my husband was Cheryl, of course not 2 stories are ever the same, but quite similar. The Lord really spoke to me back then and has continued teaching me since then, letting me know, very clearly I must say, what my part was in bringing our marriage to this situation. My husband does not see his part, and thinks that he made a mistake when he married me and we are so different, not meant for each other, all of which I know is not true. Well, 3 days ago, by mistake, I discovered he is seeing another woman. He won’t talk to me about it because he believes it is none of my bussiness what he does in his personal life as I am his “wife only in title not spirit or future…”,he does not see it as adultery. He has said to me he is closer to God now than before and blames our marriage for his past failure to keep God at the centre of his life, well, I know I was responsible for my relationship with God, not someone else. You know, the past months have been such a wake up call for me, in the way that I became passive in the marriage and did not share my true feelings, sometimes out of frustration at thinking I wasn’t listened too and others out of the false believe that problems would just go away, not cherishing our life together, thinking “there are no fights, so all things are well”, not true, becoming complacent, negative and not taking hold of who God wants me to be, not looking at our Lord to fulfill my needs instead of a man, my husband. Well I do want to reconcile but to him we are finished. I can’t see our future together, I am in pain and battling with guilt, anger,dissapointment, sense of betrayal, etc and in all of that I am leaning on the Lord, praying, and learning to let go and letting God take control of our lives, learning to become more like Christ, knowing that this is what God wants of any of us, praying for my husband, that the Lord will guide him to become the man God wants him to be, that He will work in his life whether he comes back to me or not. Praying for our children too, that they will be protected and healed. I too believe there is no other marriage for me, that if he is not back and can not make it with him, well, how many times can I try? He became “the one” the moment we married, I did not make a mistake in marrying him. And I am ok about never marrying again, though sometimes it pains me the fact that I know how well we can make it with God’s help and a counsellor, but, I am only able to choose to change me. Anyway, thank you to whoever reads this, it is long, but I needed to do it. Thanks. Your sister in Christ.

  11. Evelyn

    Hi Cheryl & Jeff I came across your book just yesterday as I was searching for another book and as soon as I bought it I dove right in to it and could not put it down. You are an inspiration to all those like myself that are going through a difficult time with divorce.
    My ex-husband left me nearly 3 yrs now when our daughter was just 1yr old. He blames me for the seperation, saying that I was never affectionate and loving to him. You could say that he was Cheryl and I was Jeff in the relationship. It took me a long time to own up to my part of the problem but I do know that alot of what I was doing was not correct. I was a married women who still had singles values and wanted freedom (not to date) but to be able to do as I pleased. When he left us I was devestated and felt my world crumble. This brought me closer to God and it is by diving in to His word and thanks to my wonderful congreagation that I was able to to move on. I had expressed to him interest in reconciling but he wanted nothing to do with it. Shortly after we were seperated (within a couple of weeks really) I found out he was living with another women, who to this day he is still with. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions with me thinking that he will come back and then giving up, I event tried to date a little,nothing serious just a chat here and a dinner conversation there, but in my heart that did not feel right so I stopped.
    I have told God that I will do His will and whatever He wants me to do I will do. Well it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that God wants me to keep fighting for my marriage. He has spoken to me on may occasions to keep believing in HIm and not in the situation and believe in His power. I am glad that God led me to read this book because it is exactly what I was needed! I know that God will work on changing my ex-husbands heart to consider reconciliation and I will keep praying and trusting in God. God bless you both for the work you are doing.

  12. Bill

    My heart is so broken. My wife and I have been seperated for 18 months now. We have a little boy who just turned 3. I was treacherous with her heart at times. I have have owned every part of that. Back around Thanksgiving, she said she wanted to be obedient to God, tired of living with regrets, and tired of living with her parents and wanted to reconcile. We are 44 and 43 years old. Her parents were out of town at the time. I was so happy and excited. Then they came back home and she became distant again. Then just after the new year, she filed for divorce. I am standing strong and having faith. I am laying down my life and being as christlike as i can, loving her where she is at. Being the greatest father to our son. I asked her out a few weeks ago to dinner with our son and she said yes. The next day she canceled at the last minute. Our court date was yesterday, but she didnt show up. What does that mean? What do i do? I have never experienced this kind of love for someone as i have become so close to God during this season. I have watched so many videos about Cheryl and Jeff. I got the book last night and i am going to go down by the ocean this evening and start to read.
    Thank you for your ministry and encouragement.

    Blessings and Love in Christ.

  13. Acovenantwife

    I guess I am struggling to find some glimmer of hope. I have read RMM and Cheryl’s book. My case does seem so far gone. Many people think my husband has mental illness, multiple personality disorder. He knows the word of God in his head, in fact he now says he became a Christian because he never got attention from girls on his own so being a christian was an easier way to attract women. Now his career has taken off and he’s making lots of money he says he no longer needs Chrisitianity, he can get women by who he is now. There are several sin issues at play here. I acknowledge the part that I played, I’m definitely not trying to blame everything on him. The past two years are marriage has been horrible. I prayed fasted, zipped my lips and my husband just got worse. Told me he will continue to have multiple affairs because its not illegal for him to meet other people and have relationships and not tell me. He lies constantly doesn’t come home from work till all hours of the night. I zipped my lips for two years and prayed. So when you say God wants to heal my marriage…yes my lack of faith tells me probably not mine and God knows why. I finally separated because it became verbally and emotionally abusive. I felt like I was in spiritual warfare everyday when he came home because he just wanted to pick a fight, then tell me he loved me. This is not the man I married, but he tells me it was all a game to get me and now he’s ready to moveon to getting the next “it” woman. Is this not sick? I continue to pray for his true salvation but I’m at a point as to whether I should even pray to restore this marriage if it was ever one? Is it possible for God to have a reason not to restore a marriage?

    1. cherylscruggs

      Anyone have any encouragement?

      1. Luis

        Dear Acovenantwife–

        And I sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none. Ezekiel 22:30

        You know? By the grace of God, I write a blog in Spanish for Latino males regarding the issue of standing in the gap for our wives. I am the husband who was abandoned by my beautiful wife and she took our kids with her to the “distant country.” The months have gone by and another man (a counterfeit of me) has been introduced by Satan. I’m writing this so that you know that I understand your feeling and emotions.

        I’ve considered the same question that you’re asking: “…but I’m at a point as to whether I should even pray to restore this marriage if it was ever one? Is it possible for God to have a reason not to restore a marriage?”

        The fact that you’re even asking the question leads me to understand that YES!, God will restore your marriage!!! You see, if our God was not in the reconciliation/restoration business, He wouldn’t have planted that seed in your heart, that looks to us like doubt, but it’s actually a seed of believe! You’re here seeking confirmation because God wants you to know that there are many others who are going through the same test you’re going through!

        You’re not alone, my dear! God is with us, and all of us are in a huddle interceding for our beloved spouses. God hates divorce! I believe that He wants to eradicate divorce from the church!

        The process is not pretty; it’s painful; at times it’s discouraging and disappointing; but…it’s the will of our Father! It’s a test! Remember Joseph the son of Jacob? Yup! That’s us! We’ve been betrayed, abandoned, lied about, sold into the slavery of circumstances…but God! He’s refining us to be a great testimony like Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs, like Charlyne and Bob Steinkamp (, and others!

        So, yes! God has a reason for not having restored your marriage just yet! He is polishing you, and all of us, so that we may shine for Him in the not so distant future!

        “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

        Be of good courage, my dear, God is with us, who can come against us?

  14. val jones

    I’m struggling in my marraige…please pray for me my husband is not sure what he wants or if he wants to stayed married to me, although this time in my life has been filled with great pain and heartache God has been so good and i know that he will see me through. I do not want a divorce..i elieve with all my mind that God is in the business of restoration and miracles and although my husband is not a christian i believe that God will hound him..PLease PLEASE PRAY FOR US and for me..stand in the gap for me and pray with me for a miracle.

  15. Cassaundra

    Never give up hope! With God ALL things are possible!! I can understand your frustration and how your heart hurts. I have been divorced for 5 years and standing for my marriage for the last 3. My husband is living with another woman and on the very day that Jesus convicted me to stand for my marriage, the other woman entered the picture. I had NO idea! The enemy will use anything to try and stop the work of God. My story is very similar to Cheryls except I took a little longer to let God convict my heart. When I began my stand, Al (my ex husband) told me that he would never return home to me. He stated that I took to long…..but today he has asked me for some of Jeff and Cheryl’s information to “help a friend” who is going through a divorce that he does not want. This friend may very well be who actually touches Al’s heart…..God is good at having others hold us accountable. Our children are sympathetic to me but do not always support my stand. Although this is the most difficult thing I have had to endure, (let’s face it, the world is not supportive of such a thing) I know that God is the Great Redeemer. Don’t give up just because your circumstances look grim. I could go on and on about how the enemy has attacked me with illness, foreclosure, lack of heat in the winter, etc…. just to get me to give up on Jesus. The rewards will come if you just trust in Him! I recently watched one of Jeff and Cheryls testimony video clips and Cheryl became emotional when she stated that at 4 years of stading, she wasn’ sure how much longer she could keep standing. I was having one of those same exact kind of days and that video gave me the encouragement I needed to get through one more day. You are not alone……don’t let the enemy win. Stand tall and know that Jesus is on your side……TRUST!

  16. Joel

    I haven’t given up hope to reconcile a marriage I didn’t want to end. I told her I prayed for her daily, she said please stop. I sent her books and dvd’s, she said stop. I emailed her daily devotionals, she said she deletes them without reading them. I was not giving up until she recently started dating someone. She even introduced him to our daughters, (who live with me). One of the hardest parts is that her best friend is a pastor’s wife. I felt like she would step in and speak the truth to my ex, but I guess she now condones divorce in situations of “I just don’t love you anymore”. I’m not sure what book of the bible that is in, but I’m still looking. 🙂 I think my problem is I always felt like God was going to send me things that I could send her. I need to step back and allow God to His will. He doesn’t need my help. What I am struggling with is what if it is not His will for her to come back? I’m having a hard time reconciling why there hasn’t been a “hollywood” ending. I guess I’m also inpatient. It’s only been 16 months.

    1. Paul

      It is God’s will that your marriage continue. However, he has given us ‘free will’ and it seems it is not your wife’s will to reconcile at this point. There is probably some more work you/her or both of you still need to complete before this can happen. As hard as it is it is an opportunity for us to get closer to him. Joel, I’ve got the exact same time frame. 19 months in now and no sign of a change from my wife.
      I’ll pray for you and your wife. Please do the same for me and mine.

      1. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

        Not sure about the “free will”….God wants His will.

        1. Barry

          I am kinda of in the same boat. If my ex-wife keeps rejecting God’s will then what hope do I have?

          1. Luis


            It’s not up to your wife! Salvation belongs to God! He’s the Lord of the impossible! You and I have been called to stand in the gap for our wives! Jesus stood in the gap for us! Don’t give up!

  17. Joel

    It has been my experience that no matter what you do, it will be wrong. My ex will only talk by text after 16 months. Just be nice to her given the opportunity. Invite her to dinner, even though you are assuming she will say no. I get my ex Christmas presents, birthday presents, mothers day….from me and our daughters. I get nothing. I went through the Fireproof book. It worked for the 2 weeks before she moved out, but it is hard when they are not living with you. She told me I was going to make my 2nd wife a good husband. ??? Just read, read, read. Treat her with love, and don’t expect anything in return. Let God do the work.

    1. cherylscruggs

      Great advice! Thanks Joel

      1. AnaMary

        Hi Cheryl,
        First of all, thanks to you two for sharing your story, for being so honest and totally helpful in your book. I do agree with Joel in the actitude he has towards his wife; but tell me, how would you act towards your husband in my situation, when he is seeing another woman, not in front of anyone, least of all our kids, but after I found out he says it is not my bussiness as I am his “wife only in title not in spirit”. I think he started seeing this woman only after we separated but I am not sure, not even whether he knew her already or not. He talks to me with no remorse whatsoever and does not see it as adultery. What do I do? I am not nasty to him at all, I make sure I say no bad thing to our children and try and cooperate with him in the care of our children (in fact, sometimes I think more than help I enable). Otherwise I am very concise and talk to him as little as I can since it hurts a lot when I see him and he can look at me in the eye and he is ok with things. I am strong, the Lord sustains me and gives me strength but it is hard to talk to him and not remember he is still married to me and yet he thinks its ok to see someone else, I can not believe it. I know that nothing I could say or do would bring him back and only the Lord could change him, but also, while not being judgmental or selfrighteous (the Lord knows my part in this mess!) I don’t want him to think that I am ok with what he is doing. Any advise? I know you are super busy with Lauren, your family, jeff and many other things and people, so if you have the time for a quick answer that would be incredibly appreciated and thanks anyway for even just simply reading this post. Yours in Christ and God bless you

        1. cherylscruggs

          Anyone have any advice??

          1. Cassaundra

            I have been standing for 3 plus years. I filed for divorce and then Jesus convicted me of my wrong doing and asked me to stand. I can tell you that it is the most difficult thing I have ever done. I have found out who really trusts and believes that God can do the impossible. I have lost “friends” because they think I am “crazy” and at the same time I my stand has made other curious and reach to Jesus more than they ever have. Three years ago, my ex husband wouldn’t take my phone calls, screamed at me when he talked to me, allowed the woman he lives with to treat me terribly and blamed everything that has gone bad on me. Today, he takes some of my calls, came over 2 days ago to fix my AC, accepts gifts and letters from me yet he still lives with the other woman. I can see God working although, it is very very hard to keep my chin up at times. Obviously, I struggle with and from time to time, let God know that this is taking sssssoooo long and it hurts like crazy. I have even asked God to remove the love I have for my ex husband from my heart but, He hasn’t and keeps giving me signs that He wants me to continue to stand.

            Our children are grown now but I believe that your younger children know more than you suspect. They may come to you at some point for discussion or they may just watch and learn from your loving actions. My children have watched and learned forgiveness and although they hate what their Dad is doing, they don’t hate him. I tell them always, that we are to love him where he is right now. The enemy will continue to tempt him, and encourage him in his worldly ways but when we love him where he is, it is showing God’s love which will always conquer the enemy’s deceptions.

            It is difficult. It is heart wrenching. It is not going to be easy. I have to remind myself every single day that doing God’s work isn’t the easy way in todays world. I have to remind myself that Jesus life was full of evil people and yet He loved and won.

            Hang in there. Find the positive (it is somewhere in every situation, although it may be very small at times) and give the Glory to God for every small miracle. I often tell others when something good happens(even if it is small) “Do the Jesus Jig!” Dance and celebrate with God over the tiniest things and they will grow into bigger and bigger celebrations. I am praying with and for you!!


        2. Kelly

          You have to let God do it. I know that isn’t what you want to hear. But he is far more capable than you of bringing repentance. If your husband is a Christian, then God will pursue him and there will be consequences for sin. It may take a while, but God will love him back into repentance. Its what he does. I feel your pain as my wife is in sin also. This is my approach. Pray hard every day for him. Don’t let the enemy win. You can do it with God’s help.

      2. Joel

        I saw you and Jeff speak at Lakepointe, and I recently purchased your book. I can’t put it down. It shows some great insight into the things I did wrong, without knowing it at the time, and your views, which I think parallel my ex-wifes. I would love for her to read it, but she has told me she throws everything away that I send her. I have now stepped back and am praying for God to have someone else step into her life and give her the things that I want her to read.

      3. Pam

        My husband and I have had a rocky relationship. We have divorced and reconciled over petty stuff and have been remarried for 15 years. 3 years ago my husband began having an emotional ( maybe physical) relationship with a female that he had dated when we were divorced. I never knew of the girl and had never heard her name. I found emails and text messages where he was talking to her about our marriage. I decided not to leave him because I love him and wanted to make the marriage work for my kids and me. Things have reared their ugly head again and I have acted irrational, accusing, snooping, all the above. He filed for divorce last week and I am devastated. He says its over between us and he wants nothing to do with me. I am praying for God to change his hard heart for me and restore the love and our marriage. I so scared as I just got divorce papers. Can God change his mind. I have repented of my irrational behavior and sworn that I could get over my trust issues but he doesn’t believe me. Can God fix this marriage?

  18. Joel


    That is a tough one. I think at the end of the day, you have to do what is right for you and your children. Take the high road. Sooner or later, sin is exposed. You don’t say how old your children are, but if they are older, they see. He probably feels remorse, but is not going to let you see it. He is justifying his actions by allowing Satan to twist things around in his head. Having said that, you don’t feel any better about it. It is an hourly battle. You are just going to have to keep talking, reading, praying. I’m really sorry for you, but there is nothing you can do that will change him. God will have to. If you haven’t already, read I Do Again. I set a record for me. I read it in less than a week. (I usually don’t finish books). It gave me a lot of insight on patience. God bless you.

    1. AnaMary

      Thank you so much. You don’t have it easy either though, do you?. Our children are 8, 11 and 13, as far as I know they don’t know their father is seeing someone else. And yes, I have read the book and it is fantastic, it gives me hope. All said, when you look at where we are right now, it seems so unlikely; but I have to remind myself of all the work the Lord has to do in us first for the possibility of reconciliation to happen and that at the end of the day, I can not control or change him, only myself. Always trusting in the Lord for wisdom and support. But I will pray for your situation also. I am reading at the moment the famous devotional by Oswald Chambers “My upmost for His highest” and it is wonderful in placing me at the feet of our Lord, learning to know Him in spite of our circumstances. Well, God bless you all.

  19. Cassaundra


    The power of prayer is our best weapon. Maybe gather a group of friends or others who are in support of your stand and pray together. God often says that 2 praying are more powerful than 1. I am doing a Daniel Fast with some family and friends while we pray for movement. My ex husband is surrounded by skeptics and athiests so we have decided today that fasting and praying is something that often times is powerful against such groups of people who influence those we love. Your prayer for someone to touch your wifes life and give her the wisdom and tools she needs is huge. God is listening and working even when it seems silent. Thinking of you and praying for you.

  20. Kelly

    I am very grateful for all these comments. I am a man who was blindsided by my wife on March 30th of this year saying she wanted out. I have been begging for reconciliation to no avail. As my counselor and I have been trying to make sense of why and what is going on I have stumbled upon my wifes 5 year emotional affair with a man who started out just working as a computer repair guy at the Christian school she worked at. He has since gotten his masters in Marriage and Family counseling and is working on his doctorate. She has continued to pursue him but he hasn’t allowed it to get physical. He now lives in Washington. We are in Texas. What a sick thing to continue to try to counsel her as he knows her connection to him is not just about marriage counseling. I think he likes the attention but can’t really bring himself to do anything. I have found letters and confronted her about it. She says there is nothing there and that she was just in love with the idea of being loved by a loving sensitive man. That God had spared her from herself. Last week I went on a mission trip several states away from Texas and took my 12 and 13 yr old boys. It was awesome. As we were preparing to go I said to her that I wanted to call each night to talk with our 7 yr old daughter. She said I would have to get a hold of her at her Poppys or her aunt because she was going out of town to meet some old high school girl friends to go shopping in a large city. I was very suspicious but knew there was nothing I could do. One day ago I was able to find out that she committed adultery with a high school friend, not even the “counselor” she had been pursuing. Its like she got on facebook and searched until she found a guy who was willing. I know of other trips and meetings with others as well. Sooo with anger boiling I am no longer begging her to come back but am meeting today with a lawyer to have papers served on her. I don’t know who she is anymore. I know I have made my fair share of mistakes and I would be the Jeff in this situation. She is definitely more like Cheryl. I was a youth pastor for 10 years and we were so much in love and enjoyed ministry together, then a bad career move and Satan has pretty much had his way with us. I am broken. I am disgusted. I am clinging to God and desperately praying for her. When on the mission trip God told me “Let her Go, she is my problem now. You focus on you and me. Be who you are supposed to be and let me deal with her. So that is what I am doing. I am still wearing my ring. Even through all I know I love her and want her as my wife, but we have a long way to go before that can happen. I read your book twice both times in one day. I know it can happen for me but its going to have to be one day at a time. God help us. Please pray for K and G.

  21. TiffanyH

    I began having an emotional affair with a man back in late May. It wasn’t long before I was kissing him. I was found out and left my husband in early June of this year. I continued to see this man, and our relationship progressed. My pastor husband has filed for divorce. I have been distancing myself from this other man and recently I’ve made attempts to reconcile with my husband.

    He has stipulations: Remove all appearances of secular living, cut ties with the other man, and all friends who are not “healthy”, be willing to fully submit to his authority as my husband, take out my nose ring, among other things.

    I’ve agreed to all of these, and have been making strides to do these things, including send a letter to his attorney and the clerk of courts rejecting the divorce petition.

    However, I just found out that my husband has been texting and talking to another woman “just a friend.” He claims that she has the qualities that made him consider her as his next wife. He tells me that he has come to terms with divorce, feels relief, and that he can finally have the life he has always wanted.

    My pastor continues to encourage me to pray, dig in, and wait. However, I’m afraid that I’m going to be hurt. That he isn’t truly interested in reconciliation, but wants to see how far he can push me. I know that he is hurt. But he denies any responsibilities in the downfall of our marriage, claiming that I have all the changes to make.

    I feel very confused and as if I may never measure up to his standards, no matter what I try. I’ve always struggled with my self value and that was a huge source of contention in our marriage. I feel that he using those things against me now.

  22. Stephanie

    How do I know if it’s my will or God’s will? How will my family and friends ever accept the fact that I am considering reconciliation with my ex husband?

    I’m 24 years old. I married my high school sweetheart when I was 20 and was divorced before I was 22. I thought we had a great marriage. One day he surprised me by asking for a divorce. It turns out that he met someone else and was seeing her behind my back. He moved in with her a few days after telling me about the divorce. I was completely in shock. I begged him to go to counseling so we could talk things out. He shut me out and seemed to have already moved on. I filed for divorce as soon as I could. It seemed like the only way out.

    After two years of silence, my ex- husband contacted me. He apologized for his mistakes and told me of the changes he made in his life. He found God- something that we were missing as part of our marriage. I always had a relationship with God but my ex refused to have any part in it. We’ve been talking every day and meeting up for a few dinner dates. He seems to be a changed man. He wants to give us another try. It is wonderful to have him back in my life. He was my best friend- the love of my life. I know it would be a hard road for us to have a successful relationship again but it might be worth it. I am just so scared of how my family and friends will react when I try to explain this… they saw how much pain and hurt I was in when he left. I could only hope that they will be as understand and forgiving as I am. I’ve been praying daily on what to do- I need guidance. I want to be with him but I am not sure if this is what God wants…

    1. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

      In Malachi, God tells us that He hates divorce. You and your husband were joined together into a covenant with God. He also tells us in Scripture that what God joins together do not separate. Is your ex a believer? Anyone else w comments?

      1. Stephanie

        He is a believer now. I feel like this is something good but as soon as I make it known that we are working things out, the gossip and negative talk will come. How difficult was it for your parents/ friends to accept that you were together again? Family means the world to me and I don’t want to do something to damage that relationship.

      2. Jeremy

        Divorce & Remarriage: A Position Paper
        July 21, 1986 | by John Piper | Topic: Divorce & Remarriage

  23. Joel

    What used to be a favorite time of the year is now a bummer. My ex is taking my daughters, who live with me full time, out of town for Thanksgiving. She gets them this week per the divorce decree. I just can’t shake this bad feeling. I know my daughters need their mother, but why do I have to suffer? (I know the answer, I just don’t want to listen) My sister lives about about 90 minutes away, and she has invited me to her house. It’s just not the same. I suppose it will never feel the same. Help?

    1. ANnette

      I pray that you drove the 90 miles to spend the day gathered with those who love you!!! I guarantee your daughters thought of you on Thanksgiving as much as you did each of them. It is amazing to me as I work wtih kids with cancer, I remind their parents; although the reports maybe 30 pages deep and the outcome is saying, the prognosis is not good. Kids don’t know they are not suppose to live, so they LIVE until a time that they are unable to walk or to do the things they love. But their first thing is to just keep breathing – living, loving and learning. So in this time of waiting, for the healing to rise up in your being – that wherever you are – God is with you, also and so is the love of your girls. I have stood in the heart ache that you have with a 25 year marriage coming to an abrupt and angry end; and now, yesterday on Thanksgiving, we stood in the same room; at our oldest son’s home, his gorgeous wife and our grandson, and surrounded by both sides of our family – NOT A WORD spoken between us, and through God’s love and fealing grace, I finally had peace in where I am at along this journey. I pray that someday we will be able to have a conversation again, I am open – he is not but until then, I am learning to live – life outloud!!! Blessings, Joel. God’s grace surround you and life you higher and higher.

  24. shaun

    I found everyones stories, replies and comments interesting and helpful. I have a beautiful x wife, both in form and in heart and mind. She has recently remarried. As a child I remember my parents divorce, I remember praying for my mother and father, going to a church at 14 years old and meeting my wife for the first time amidst the turmoil in my home, I remember making her a paper airplane out of starburst wrappers from the candy she gave me that melted my heart, the airplane she saved and showed me nearly ten years later. I remember promising to God that no matter the circumstances I would honor my covenant unlike my parents I would not choose self over love. Here I sit 32 alone, conflicted. TOGETHER my wife and I chose a path that ultimately led to My failure in our marriage. I question myself and my current motives and descisions regarding my promise, her remarriage. Am I a fool or crazy for believing that love is stronger than death? The church says I am my family says I am.. I know what I am not. I am not divorced in the eyes of my king.

  25. Bob

    I was just served divorce papers by the love of my life. When we met 18 years ago I had a feeling that we were meant to be together. We had a great marriage. A few rocky times in the beginning and a period of disharmony a year ago but over all I thought a great marriage.3 wonderful kids; lots of friend; a supportive extended family and church. We took trips just the two of us to Cuba, Mexico, Hawaii, San Diego; skiing trips all over BC. Everyone thought we had a great marriage. 2 years ago I lost my job; I got depressed and could’nt figure out what to do. But my wife had a great job and she supported us while I started my owon
    own business.’
    But 10 months ago she went on a business trip; a month later she confessed that
    she had met “the love of her life” and her “soulmate”. She said she wanted
    to leave me and the kids and move to another country across the continent
    to be with her love. I talked her into counselling and I thought we were
    makeing progress. It was all a lie. 6 months ago she met her bf here and they
    spent a nite befor flying off to NYC. A day later she was back but wanted
    a divorce. She moved out and is demanding a divorce asap. She has given
    up her family; her church; her job; her widowed mother; all her siblings; most
    of her friends; everything really. But she can’t end the relationship with
    her bf.
    I admit I need to change a lot; our marriage is dead; the only hope I have
    is a new marriage where I can show what I’ve learned from this separation.
    but my wife refuses to talk about anything other than divorce. She says
    she is finally happy and when I see her its like talking to a stranger.
    I just don’t understand.

    1. Joel

      Bob, this may not be a popular thought, but I would go meet with this guy and make him understand that he is ruining a family and that he needs to back off. Your wife is being blinded by Satan’s lies of how her life is going to be better.

  26. Ann

    Hello. I have been standing for my marriage for 7 & 1/2 years! y husband told me he loved me, but wasn’t in love with me after 4 years of marriage. My brother died of a brain tumor only 8 months before this. I was devastated and depressed and just returning to semi-normal when this happened.

    I remember the day my husband left. I helped him pack & he asked me for his wedding ring and put it on. He told me that he loved me and always would and that he was confused and maybe he would realize he was making the biggest mistake of his life. After he left, I immediately felt Peace & Joy and a very strong message of he’s coming back. I began to stand that day.

    We kept in touch & saw each other. Often when we would get together, we would make love, but then he would go away again. I continued to stand, pray a lot & wait for God to move. After nearly 5 years of standing, my husband came to me distressed and we held each other for 5 hours. He slept & I prayed. He started to come more frequently to see me, asked for a key, spent the night. I never pressured him, but waited & prayed. One morning after he had spent the night, he told me I made a decision, I want to come home. I was thrilled! He said he would at the end of the summer due to a job that took him out of town. We still saw each other and made love, etc. I was so happy and thanking God for this miracle.

    Then at the end of the summer, I found out that he was engaged to another woman and was living with her. He was planning to marry her & was still married to me. I was beyond devastated! We talked a lot, he cried and asked for my forgiveness and knelt down and asked me to pray over him. I gave him prayers to say and we kept in touch. He decided to marry her because the “wedding” was days away. He told me it meant nothing to him & it wasn’t even real and he would leave her. I continued to pray.

    I was served with divorce papers 10 days later. I thought I would die! He stopped talking to me & we only saw each other in court. The other woman was there. About 6 months after the filing, the judge bi-forcated our divorce, but it is still not final. I’ve met him twice this past year. The first time we talked a lot & I told him that I forgave him and that God forgave him. I asked him if he forgave himself and he said he couldn’t. We haven’t spoken since August. I miss him so much & I love him unconditionally. I pray for him night and day.

    I am believing that God is working on him and restoring our Marriage. Nothing is impossible for God. Please pray for us. Please pray for my husband to wake-up and turn his life around. Please pray for him to contact me immediately. I am praying that this Christmas God will bring my husband home to me to stay! May God be glorified in our restored marriage! May God move mightily and quickly to heal us & retire us. Also may God bless us with children. Thank you for your prayers! May God restore all marriages quickly and bring the prodigals home. Amen!

  27. Larry

    Cheryl. My wife and I got divorce February while I was incarcerated. We were married. 10 years. I was gone 31/2 years . I came home in June and we were togeth er sexually for 2 months i was staying at her house but we fought often because she was with several men even feel in love with one and I couldn’t stop asking or thinking about it. I found out by looking in her phone. She told me she never planned to get back with me andthay God told her to divorce me. She is constantly looking for another man but tells me it’s none of my business. I love her so much but my faith in God is wavering. I ve tried being with other women but I constantly think of her. We hav4 children together and they are struggling because of this.I pray and pray read Andreas for advice but now she said she doesn’t like me nor wants to speak to me. She said Scripture supports her decisions and for me to move on.what do I do I want my marriage back but she doesn’t at all. I fear losing her for good. To someone else feeling I’m no good for her. Is God really going to restore her it has he taken her.

    1. Douglas


  28. Khol

    Hi, I have spent the time and read many reviews; much end in hopelessness and some relationships are fix (by faith)? I have a story as well and I’m glad I am not alone. I was onced asked would I be patient for one year and wait for her? I said honestly I could not answer and that was because I was so hurt that I needed her to come back to me right now with our two kids. Now I cling on to the smallest bit of hope and that’s God, why give up on him when we always tend to use him as last resort; after everything we do fails for reconciliation.
    I very quick over view of my story. My gf left after ten years of being together; she left with no good bye and took the two kids 8 hours away.. Just before she left I was in a car accident. I could not drive because I became blind in one eye and I needed glasses to correct my good eye to 20/20. I lost my job as a paramedic the same week.. Two months after she left I find out she was cheating on me. She is madly in love and has pushed god out of her life. She says its time for me to be selfish. Recently she told me we cannot be friends, it’s about to get a whole lot worse.. Her bf gets mad if she sees me. I said who cares about that, let him carry his own emotional burden, he slept with my wife. And she says and now he is with your wife and I choose him..
    I cannot sit and type all my efforts I have done. They have all failed me.. I have become so close to God I’m sure he wants to push me away. I have yet tho to hear him speak to him, to counsel me, to give me hope or anything that could save our relationship.. I cook food and freeze it for her, so it helps during dinner time , I bake all the time breakfast foods so its easy in the morning getting the kids ready.. I am out going with the kids, I take them ever chance I can. I pray with them every night on phone, I omwalk her to the car, heat it up, open close door everytime she comes over to drop kids off. I always great her with a tea or coffee. I always buy her gift cards or transfer money. I offer her a hand with her studies, I say good night or good luck by texting for her exams or anything. I gave never spoken ill of her and always been a positive encouragement. Everything is meaningless . No hope and no feature. There is no desire or care on her part. She key another man kiss her, she was submissive to him during sex. He touched my love.. How do I not feel anger, sadness, hate, concquered, defeated, rejected, empty, remorse, desolate, rejected at all levels. I have her everything, two houses, truck, hot tub, everything .. But it was all meaningless.. Now I have nothing, no home, two houses for sale, a horrible job just to pay for gass and support the kids.. What can I do but have hope in God, it’s my last resort in all honesty.. He will not impose on free will . I am lost, no options, no hope.. She is the one, the one I know is for life, we share the most important investment, our two children. With all the pain in this world , why would God help me ? My chances are slim to non. So as a end note, keep praying for your reconciliation, have faith and hope but be assured it might never come because we know, no one could ever have faith to move a mountain. It’s simple, there is always going to be doubt. Just pray, don’t give up.. I choose to have hope and will finish last in my family. By me choosing to have hope I am choosing to bit let go and by not letting go I am choosing depression, disparity, false hope, illusion, grief and desperation.. I guess I picked my battles, but god please save me before I loose my soul in the war..
    We’re is hope in God? Is it by faith? When do we see the actions of god?? Is there any hope??????

    1. Scott

      There is always hope! Faith is the substance of things hoped for. God is well aware of every single detail of all thats going on with you AND your wife. God is aware of every thing your wife is in to. He has allowed you to become desperate because he wants you to depend on him and stop trying to fix it yourself.You and your wife got in to the mess your in because God was left out of the covenant you formed with him the day you entered in to marriage. Theres no doubt in my mind that the Lord has brought you to this site.You are seeking and you are finding. Get on your knees and lay it on God. Please consider this 8 point list when you pray. Write it down and read it every day and peace will follow.

      (1)God is interested in your problem.

      (2)God is greater than your problem.

      (3)Our first response should be to seek the lord.

      (4)God may want to include other people.

      (5)God will give you the solution.

      (6)Our prayers should be God centered , not problem centered.

      (7)Gods solution usually requires an act of faith.

      (8)Gods solution is ALWAYS best.

  29. Jon

    Jeff & Cheryl,

    I ordered your book from Amazon and am waiting for it to arrive any day now. My wife and I’ve been married less than 4 years but separated almost 3 months ago due to my infidelity. She doesn’t want to see me or talk to me on the phone. In fact, it’s been two months since I’ve seen her, and even that was for less than an hour. She’s decided to file for divorce and wants to get it filed as quickly as possible to start the “clock” to get through the mandatory waiting period.

    I see that you guys had kids, which probably helped you guys stay in contact. What do I do since we have no kids and she refuses to have any contact with me if it doesn’t have anything to do with divorce? We are both Christians. In fact, she has a graduate degree from a seminary.

    Any quick word of advice? Thanks.

  30. Vanessa

    Hi Jeff & Cheryl! Your story is amazing and shows the wonderful work of God! I just recently had my mediation 3 weeks ago and it was the most painful and grueling process. We were there for 10 hours until we finally came to a mutual agreement. My soon-to-be ex husband and I were married for 6 years and together a total of 14 years. We have a beautiful 3.5 year old son who has been feeling the effects of our separation so much he asked me last week If I was his Mommy. My son had never asked that before and I know that question was asked because my husband has been in a relationship with another woman basically since we separated 1.5 years ago. The good thing is that she is very good to my son; however, their relationship was part of our demise. He and I had issues in our relationship from day one…mainly because of me and my history. I didn’t trust anyone and had been burned in practically all my other relationships. By the time my husband came in the picture I was so emotionally damaged that I decided I wanted to be the “man” in the relationship so I cheated on him as to avoid it being done to me first. The thing is that he was very good to me and never deserved any of it. I was 18 and foolish and didn’t really know how great he was and took him for granted. He chose to stay with me, but I guess that deep down inside he never got over it and so as time passed he changed with me and would lie a lot and go out behind my back. I would find numbers and pictures of other women in addition to inappropriate websites on his computer. Whenever I would confront him he would apologize and say ” I’m sorry, I don’t know why I do these things”. We broke up on and off throughout our dating years and I would tell him he needed to make sure that he wanted to be with me, as I was his first girlfriend and his first everything. I know we had a lot of dysfunction, but I always loved him and I want to believe he did too. We had issues with one another we never really worked on. We had been separated twice before this last time each for 3 months. I initiated all 3 separations…I never had coping skills and would throw out the word divorce 24/7 all because I wanted him to focus on the bigger picture and to change..:not realizing that I myself had to change as well. The first separation he sought counseling from a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with ADHD. I too went to see her separately, but all she did was prescribe anti-depressants and sleeping pills, which I used to attempt suicide during our 2nd separation. The 2nd separation we went to about 6 sessions of therapy (different therapist) but never really tackled our issues individually or just barely touched the surface. I know my husband was hurting as well and that I had changed and stop doing things because I had little to no self-esteem and wanted to badly for him to change. We got back together after 3 months because again, we missed each other. He said he loved me and didn’t want to lose me and wanted to start a family. I told hmm that as much as I wanted and yearned to be a mother…a child wouldn’t fix our problems. We had years of built up resentment and bitterness towards one another. When that is not tackled it only gets worse. It turns into contempt which is what happened to us. This caused us both to shut down. I even had an emotional affair with someone From my past when my son was 4 months old. I was looking for attention and connection with another man when I really wanted my husband to give it to me. He gave me attention and said I was beautiful all the time, but what did that matter when his actions were speaking something else and the women and drinking and Internet, etc were still taking over. He even did drugs which I found out a year later. It’s as if I was the cause of all those things because he doesn’t do any of these things anymore (not that I know of) ADN he seems so happy with her. He takes her everywhere with him and our son. He has taken her on trips. She is now always attending family functions with my in-laws, etc. He said to me that he doesn’t love me anymore and hasn’t for a long time. That he was so miserable and needed to do what was right for him and our son which was to leave and never return. He purchased a new car (on my birthday) last year and returned to college, which is something I had asked him to do a long time ago. My heart is broken because it seems like I was the cause of all his despicable behavior and now that’s a thing in the past. He has been up and down with his comments to me. Sometimes he says he did love me and that I was the love of his life and his first everything and other times that there was no love there and that he was trapped. But the other day we had a cordial conversation about our son in regards to his question about me being his Mommy and within 3 seconds of the conversation my husband called me “babe” and continued to speak. I’m not sure if he noticed or said it on purpose, but he hasn’t called me babe in over a year. I know he calls her babe as well so I don’t want to read too much into it. However, at the end of that conversation he asked to say goodnight to our son and the baby kept on Saying I want to be with you daddy and started to cry, which them made me cry. I got back on the phone with my husband and he just said ” I’m sorry,I’m sorry, I’m sorry.,,I have to go” and hung up. He then showed up at my job 3 days later (which he hasn’t done in over 2 years) asking for me because of a toy car I had in my purse. This is a person who does not call or show up at my job or house because of anything that has to do with the baby. Not to mention that he was going to see me that same night at 9pm to drop our son off with me. He could have told him no, you will get your car tonight when you see mommy. he’s been acting strangely since mediation. At mediation I asked him if he was happy and if this is what he wanted. His reply, ” do you think this is what I wanted” ” s–t happens”. And with that he went back inside and signed the marital settlement. I love this man so much because I know him to his deepest core and I know that all this was not easy because I was the love of his life and the mother of his child, but it seems so hopeless. He jumped into this relationship (which had started before he left me) and it keeps getting more and more serious. He’s even doing things with her that he never did with me even though I would ask him to. It hurts to the core because I am still very much in love with him and I don’t want to be with anyone else and definitely not marry anyone else. I would love to have our family reunited, but I’m not sure it is God’s will. I’ve been angry with God because i have prayed and nothing. I want him to be happy…even if it means without me. He deserves to be happy…everyone does. But my heart is breaking so much that I told him its best we not communicate at all unless it is an emergency with the baby. I just can’t do it. I need to heal from all of this and eventually he will need to as well. He hasn’t dealt with this at all..:jumping into another relationship without healing first was not a smart move. but I wish him the best and I pray he seeks The Lord for salvation. So that he can be the man that God intended him to be. Not a man of this world. I ask that you all pray for my husband, our son and me. Thank you

  31. Beth

    My husband joe and I got divorced in 2003. I was took by suprise although he said I should have known. He’d been trying to get me to go to counseling and I did try it, but it didn’t work for me. It didn’t seem to get at the heart of things and be productive. I think divorce was his was his way to fix the problem. We lived apart for awhile, but we still loved eachother. He was guarded, but we ended up getting back together. We moved in together again after a year or so. We didn’t get re-married though. I wanted him to ask me though. He bought a house and we moved into it with the kids in 2006. Times got very stressful with lots of life issues including the recession and our son had very bad mental health issues resulting in suicide attempts. I was operating on life support. I wasn’t nice to Joe. I was constantly stressed out. He kept saying he wanted he wanted me to go to counseling and us to go to counseling. He said he pleaded with me for years. I could never seem to find the time or money. Just within the past month I’ve been feeling like I can start breathing a little easier. Our son is better, my job is steady and I’ve helped Joe file banckrupcy to save the house and his business. I felt like I was ready to go to counseling. But, he has now said he’s done and is moving on. I think he has a new relationship too and that’s killing me. He’s adamant about saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and refuses my pleads. He throws his past pleads and hurt I caused him back at me as to why he can’t risk going through it with me again. I love him and want to be with him and be happy. I really thought he still loved me too, but I’m scared to death it is too late. He says I’ll be fine and there will be guys lined up at my door for me, but I don’t want that. I know I hurt him, but I never stopped loving him. It was just hard to show it. I know God can work miricales and I’m praying for one now. Please pray to heal both our hearts and give us the chance to be the love of eachothers lives we were always meant to be. Thank you!

    1. NanaN

      Just curious how things are working out?

  32. sharon

    I am reading a book by Merlin Carothers regarding praising God in every situation no matter how things may seem or look. I think it truly is the only option for any of us. Praise brings God into any situation and that is our only hope

  33. NanahN

    Im engaged and confused. I have clung to 1st Corinthians 7:10 for 12 yrs not wanting to remarry because i still love my first husband. He is not remArried either. We both say we love each other but now have someone i. Our lives we hate to hurt. I feel like a horrible liar Nd sinner. I need direction and wisdom from God. Should i let go of a dream to put our lives back together?

  34. Dewayne

    Hey Jeff and Cheryl. I too am in deep. To sum it up. Together 11 years, married 7. We have a 3 yo daughter. I use to be very angry etc. Worked on it and got better after wife served me papers 5 years ago. We started a business. Sold EVERYTHING to do it. I asked before going to the bank “Before we do this, I need to know, are you 100% happy with me, with our marriage?” She said “absolutely” Business startd and while I was busting tail on it, she started flirting with the teens that was giving her attention. I tried to handle it right, but failed. I was too naive to think that nothing would happen. SHe cheated. Blamed me for everything. Said she wasn’t happy, hasn’t been happy etc. Mind you, this is only a few months after I asked her if she was happy.

    She asked for Divorce on Oct 18th, day we got our license, and paid lawyer on Halloween, the day we celebreated (I love classic halloween and kids ToTing) Divorce will be final Jan 5th, 2013.

    She went to church and said she had a revelation and said that god told her that her life is on the right path now. Says she’s happy that we’ve separated and wants to go that way. I told her “I don’t know what church you went to, but God does NOT like Divorce! I didn’t beat you and I certainly am not the one who cheated”

    I have turned it over to God. We lost EVERYTHING in the failed business. Only a few dollars to my name and my truck. I spent $100’s after we separated on books and counseling. I wish I had found your book as well before money ran short. I now have no job and no money. I am praying every day for God to turn this around. It’s in his hands now. If I had the money I would certainly pick up your book as well.

    I just wanted to say, I watched your videos on Youtube and elsewhere and so far was the most inspiring videos I have watched on this matter. I feel like I could know you guys. I feel the pain you guys went through, I’m still in the middle of it. Thank you for helping others and sharing your story. Godbless.


    1. Jodi

      I’m so sorry for your heartache. It sounds like she is in denial. No way is it your fault she cheated. She made the choice. And you are right, God hates divorce. I am so sorry that you’re experiencing this.

  35. d

    Afraid to give too many details- together for 21 years, married 17.5 years, divorced about 11 months. There was emotional/psychological abuse and he finally got help. I was reluctant to jump back in because of our child. After 5 years separation he divorced me. However in the year leading up to divorce, and the 8 months immediately after the divorce, we got along well & talked of reconciliation – and our child joked about us getting remarried. However, I sensed something was different & he was distant starting in October. By mid November, I forced him to admit he was seeing someone- which was admitted by text message. He says she’s a Christian, nice, was worried about dating him because of me & our child, & she’s an ex-missionary. He says he didn’t mean for it to happen but doesn’t plan to stop. He spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, & New Years with her. I don’t know if God was protecting me from another doomed relationship with him or if I should pray & believe in restoration. He has already told our child that if he gets remarried, he won’t have to call her Mom.

  36. Kristin

    December 5, 2012 my divorce was finalized and I thought I was ok, but it has been such a struggle for me. We were married for 11 years, have two beautiful daughters, 11 years and 7 years. Jeff and Cheryl’s story is almost a mirror to our story…I began resenting my husband when his career took precendent over me. I begged for his attention for two years, but he refused to listen because in his eyes he was doing nothing wrong…he worked hard to provide and came home every night, what more could I ask for? We lost that emotional connection and I started to resent him to the point where I even hated him. The last year of our marriage, I questioned everything…I wasn’t attracted to him, I truly believed I was only in the marriage for the sake of our children. I was at the bottom of his priority list and not only that, but I felt I wasn’t important enough in his eyes. My issues, problems, complaints were nothing in comparison to what he was going through. I got pushed to the point where I flat out did not like the man I was married to…at all. At the very lowest point in my marriage, in walks a man I had known for a few years, we worked in the same industry. We became close friends and started relying on each other…in essence, I was getting the attention I was lacking in my marriage and I was sucking it up like a sponge. I guess it gave me the “boost of confidence” to leave, which I did. I completely blind sided my husband, but at that point I was angry at him for never hearing me cry out to him. I moved out for 6 months and during that time I began dating that man, and thought he was the love of my life…boy was I wrong. The rose tinted glasses quickly came off and I regretted the day I moved out. Thankfully my husband was still willing to work on things with me, we began counseling and I moved back home. The moment I moved home, my husband’s willingness to work on our marriage changed. He was so angry and hateful towards me…he began verbally abusing me in front of our children. He had never been verbally abusive in the past, it was horrible. I thought that he just needed to get the hurt and anger out of his system, so I allowed it to happen for awhile, but it kept getting worse. After 6 months, he said our marriage was irreparable and moved out. This happened October, 2011. I was devestated! I thought he really wanted to work on our marriage. He kept stringing me along for the next 7 months, telling me he still loved me, missed me and I was still his. We spent the holidays together and I really thought there was a chance…I held out hope. I surrendered everything to God, repented of my sins and really turned my life around. Little did I know that prior to him moving out he had already developed a relationship with another woman. As of today, he lives with her, goes on our family vacations with her and my children and plans on marrying her. I’m sick. He blames me for everything, has SO much hate for me and says he will never forgive me for breaking up our family. I’m so lost and confused…I want to move on with my life, I need to move on with my life, however, I STILL want my family back together. He’s so mean to me…I’ve had to cut all communication with him because it’s so volatile. I don’t know what to do. I feel at this point there is no hope, but I know with God all things are possible. Sorry for the long post, but today has been a really tough day for me. Jeff and Cheryl, you are an inspiration and I can only pray for that same miracle to happen in my life.

    1. MRC


      Keep praying. Pray your man out. Believe Gods promise.

      I am the man and my wife is leaving me. I am standing.

  37. Walkbyfaithnotbysight

    I felt prompted to write in this forum after reading all these posts… I too am a troubled soul. My now exhusband left me for an older woman (he’s 28 shes 38) she is still married and my ex and her live together and have since I moved out if our marital home. We share a 3 yr old little boy whom we both love with all our heart and souls. We have been divorced since feb. of 2012. I knew he was having an affair when I moved out, I didn’t want the divorce, I begged and pleaded even offered a 6 month or longer seperation including me and our son moving out… Nope! He didn’t want that. He wanted out, apparently had wAnted out for over 2 years. He claims he hates me, I ruined his life, etc… Although in may of 2012 he was asking me to reconcile, 2 weeks into it he changed his mind again saying he just couldn’t make his feelings come back for me ( we didn’t sleep together during this time). I was confused, hurt, angry, heartbroken every emotion possible having, I had! He went back to this woman and has faithfully stayed with her.. We decided before we got divorced that we didn’t want to drag our child through our extra affairs so in our papers we agreed not to take our son around our new love interest until we had been in a relationship with them for 9 months… Back in June of 2012 he was saying he wanted to change that ruling into 2 years before our son could be around someone. I said I agreed ( my counselor even thought that was a good idea) I had no money to file for the changes at that time so we just agreed as two mature adults who care for our sons well being, I have recently discovered ONLY by my 3 year old that my ex husband is and has been taking him around this woman including sleep overs on the weekend… I had no idea about my son being around her, he doesn’t even call her by her actual name, he calls her something different (which is confusing for me)? I finally asked my ex about it which he smugly replies ” it was going to happen anyway get over it”. Now I know most of u might be thinking what’s the wrong doing here? 1. This woman is still married. 2. I graciously let my ex have my son on days not scheduled to him changing any plans I may of had because I want the best for my son and I know time with his father is part if that, but I get thanked by him sneaking him around this woman. 3. He has never admitted to even being with this woman until now! I have asked him several time about reconciliation and he says he just needs time, can I not just be supportive? I say yes, is this about another woman? His reply? No, I’m a single man free to do whatever I want! All the while he’s living with this woman!!!! They have kept it such a secret to the Point if having 2 different cell numbers their original one and now their 2 secret cells… I have prayed, fasted, prayed pleaded and prayed some more… I want to give up and there days that I think I have but then it’s like a little fire lights inside me turning for my family to be resurrected! Is this crazy? Is it just jealousy? What is it? Days I feel like whew I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with him and then days where I just cry to be with him… Do I give up? Do I continue to pray for my family to reconcile? I have recently filed a modification of our divorce papers because they were shoddy when first done and my child support his horribly off! And he has deemed me an unfit mother and is filing for full custody… Did I mention he’s a cop? So well see how this all plays out… I hate this I hate it all!!! I am trying to give it to God, but it always seems to get worse! What is that? I do want my family! But how do u even begin to see a positive in this situation? Any advice much appreciated!!

  38. Walkbyfaithnotbysight

    I will also add that I AM NOT an unfit mother… As sad as it is to say he wants me out of the picture (admitted that to his friends) he wants to pretend like he and I never happened and that mine and his son is “his and her” son, that they are one happy family, she has no children so I’m sure it’s quit a thrill for her 🙂 btw she is also has a masters degree in psychology… What’s wrong with this whole painted picture?

  39. HRL

    I want to hope.. but I’ve been divorced for over 8 years. He has lived with a woman for 5 of those years.
    He still says he loves me.
    Still dreams of getting back together.
    But says he can’t hurt another woman now that hasn’t done anything wrong.
    I don’t know how to talk with him? I usually end up saying be blessed marry her then.

    1. NanaN

      I had originally forgot my user name I had gone with…..
      Still seeking Wisdom and good biblical counsel

  40. lilita

    I an going through the valley and i trust God will see me through. Its been a year since my husband left us said all the painful words in from of her, he even bought a house and moved in with her! 4 km from where we stay. In August 2012 sent summons but i still refuse to bow to the painful spirit of divorce. I believe that the restoring power of God will see us through. My daughter 11 years is such a good child. She prays for the coming home of his father. I believe that the Lord will make a way and heal and restore our marriage. I post this requesting helpers to pray with me to destroy this monster called divorce forever. It is difficult to stand and agree with a stranger on such a sensitive matter. I trust that we can stand on the word of God, in withMKarachi

  41. D

    I posted not too long ago. I’d appreciate prayers from anyone reading this. My ex plans to marry his new girlfriend of 4 months on March 30th. He asked pur son to be IN the wedding. I am so heartbroken. In 45 days the chancr for reconciliation will be gone.

    1. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

      Please pray for this family!

  42. Yvonne

    I am so confused. My husband and I have been married for 10 years, since I was 19 years old. At that time we were both unsaved and abusing drugs and alcohol. He had alot of anger and was abusive(physical and mental although he did not beat or injure me)
    even while we were engaged. Within about 1
    year after we were married I accepted Christ, started going to church, and stopped my substance abuse. However my husband continued in his behavior, including being abusive toward me, withholding sex, and substance abuse. 3 months after our 2 2/12 year old son was born, I asked him to leave because his behavior did not improve after our son was born. (this was done with the support and counsel of my pastor) Over the more than 2 years that we have been separated, my husband has made numerous promises to change and we had been working toward reconciliation. However, everytime we would start to get close he would begin to fall into treating me badly again. Shortly after Christmas I decided that I should divorce him, and gave him that news. He since has been buying me things, promising to change, (he even came to church once) and has recently joined an outpatient drug treatment program. He was sexually abused as a child, which he recently admitted to me.(and blames his shortcomings on) Despite his seeming willingness to change, I am terrified to reconcile with him only to be pulled back into the cycle of abuse. He has been controlling, he has alienated me from my church, friends, and family. He has had a terrible temper and has been terribly mentally abusive. Not to mention that there has been evidence in the form of voicemails and text messages over the years that lead me to believe that he has been unfaithful. (also, he has had little interest in me) I am terrified that his recent want to change is just manipulation and that things will go back to being the same if I reconcile with him. I have not been doing well spiritually myself, I have been attending church regularly and seeing my pastor for counsel but I have been acting out. I recently went to a nightclub and drank alcohol, (did not get drunk) and am finding myself craving attention from other men. I know that I am not doing right, but I am so hurt and confused! I desparately want to please God, but I am so afraid to get hurt by my husband more and also afraid to move on.

  43. Jeff

    My wife and I are working to save our marriage. I was so inspired by the Scruggs’ book, my wife read it too. I am learning so much about myself in this process of pain and confusion. I believe God can redeem our marriage and cause it to be so much better than it was before. I don’t yet know what led my wife to have an affair, but am learning she did not feel connected to me. One of the biggest lessons for me is to realize we are very different. I have to be confident in who I am in Christ, regardless. It’s about considering the worst scenario and making sure you know God will get you through it. Please pray for us. It’s like starting over, focusing on today not yesterday, anticipating what He can do in the future. Strength for today, bright hope for tomorrow!

  44. Alex

    I divorced my husband last year after discovering he had a porn addiction that resulted in multiple affairs, prostitutes, etc. I felt that even though God hates divorce in my situation He was giving me a way out. To complicate matters even more my ex-husband is a preacher and although he was tormented by this sickness, he was unwilling to get help in fear of others finding out about the addiction. I felt broken and betrayed. After our divorce I discovered that our last reconciliation attempt left us with a child. Fast forward to this year, we discovered complications with the baby and I lost her at 22 wks. Ex-husband never even called and didn’t speak to me at her funeral. Fast forward to now and I still love him and want to reconcile our marriage. I just feel this pull — I can’t even explain like God wants us to be together and has a bigger purpose for us. Ex husband has been communicating with me and has kind of indicated the same, however, he’s living with a another woman. In the past month he’s coming over twice to spend the night. It’s weird but I still feel like we’re “one.” I thought I was right to divorce him b/c of everything, but now I’m not sure. Just not sure what to do.

    1. Joel

      He needs to man up. He is not right with God. He probably feels ashamed, as he should, and wants to stay in the darkness. God has forgiven him, it sounds like you have forgiven him, now he needs to forgive himself and get things right.

      1. Alex

        You’re right Joel. He’s not right with God. Crazy thing is he’s in Bible College and actively seeking Pastoral positions. When we were in marriage counseling prior, the Pastor warned him about going into the pulpit with those types of issues, but it’s like he doesn’t care about getting right with God. I have been struggling for the past week with this and after much study I realize that I was not wrong to divorce him. I feel crazy b/c I am the one pursuing him and trying to get him to reconcile and see the truth, when not one time has he even attempted to restore our relationship. While I realize he does not need to apologize for me to forgive him, true penitence and remorse should be there if he was serious about restoring our marriage. However, it’s not there. He continues to get prostitutes and have sex with other women. In the past month he has had sex with me twice, willingly cheating on his girlfriend. I just ordered Jeff and Cheryl’s book and while I plan on reading it and letting the Holy Spirit speak to my hear, I think that for my spiritual health it’s time for me to let go. I am open to whatever God’s will may be and I am going to leave it in His hands.

  45. Christina

    I was walking around one of my favorite bookstores when I saw I Do Again. My husband and i divorced April of 2012. He has a sex addiction which resulted in multiple affairs, paying for sex, and a child with one of his mistresses. He confessed and we worked on it for 2 years. During that time, I got pregnant but lost the baby 5 months gestation. He then relapsed and moved out. He started partying and sleeping around. He even drove to another state to sleep with a he was chatting with. After the divorce was finalized, we had very minimal contact. I asked him if he ever loved me. He said yes but he doesn’t trust himself to never hurt me again. He said that even during his recovery he has hurt me. I really don’t know what to think. I’m a good Christian woman who married a guy who (I didn’t know) is a sex addict. I still love him and care deeply about him. My family believes in reconciliation (mainly because of our culture and very strict Christian beliefs) but my friends think it’ll be dangerous for me to ever get back with him. I don’t feel right about dating again but I also don’t know where this is going. I prayed and fasted during our separation and most of 2012 even after the divorce was finalized. I still love him but I don’t know what to believe anymore. Please pray for me and my ex husband.

    1. Alex

      Christina: I am so sorry for what you’re going/gone through. Our stories are so similiar it’s almost scary. Unbeknownst to me, my husband had a sexual addition that I didn’t discover until a couple years prior to the divorce. He paid for sex and even was caught and charged with solicitation. I too got pregnant — it was right after our divorce was final — and I lost her at 5 1/2 months. It’s been tough, but I know through it all God is able. I have realized that my xDH is not ready to change. It’s a tough situation. My family believes in reconciliation too, but they also worry. In this day and age it’s very dangerous to sleep around. I cannot trust my xDH and I also cannot put myself at risk. I will pray for you and your xDH.

      1. Christina

        Thanks Alex. I’ll be praying for you too. I couldn’t believe how similar our stories are. I’m so sorry for everything you have gone through. Only God can restore our shattered hearts. Let’s continue to trust His plans for us.

  46. T

    Wow! Reading all this brokenness tells me I’m not alone. I will get the book. My heart breaks for all involved. My story is no different but our marriage did not start with God’s approval although we do have two children together that are perfect and good. I have been forgiven. I lived in an abusive marriage with infidelity of too many to count to include our neighbor of seven years. I have forgiven him. He has remarried but told me he loves me. Dec 2012, I told him to leave me alone or I would tell his wife. He has left me alone but I have a strong desire to pray for him bc he lives a life of evil doings with money toys lies and decietfulness. He is an alcoholic and so is she. They both enjoy the party life and it is literally killing him. He has a heart condition that will kill him if he does not stop his abuse of alcohol. He stopped while we were talking but my daughter says he started back heavily. My prayers are for God to bring him to his knees to Glorify the Lord as a changed man but why do I feel so compelled to pray for him? Am I to stand by and watch him literally kill himself with overindulgence? His wife is just as bad, if not worse than him and sees $$ signs. I am burdened with the need to pray on his behalf… Why?

  47. Jeremy

    My wife and I met at a Christian University and after dating for just over a year we were married. I thought the marriage was fine, but unknown to me, she felt differently. Most of my life I’d fought a losing battle with pornography. And the thing that almost always accompanies pornography is lying. I hurt my wife and compounded the hurt with lies. I have been delivered from the porn and the lying, but she went ahead and filed for divorce. It’s been almost two years since the divorce was final. I have gone through counseling and have made some great progress in becoming a better man and have grown closer to Christ. My now ex-wife says she has no feelings for me and has no desire to reconcile. I, however, still love her and desire for a miraculous reconciliation. We have two kids together and they are still upset that we don’t live together. After two years, is it time to move on or do I continue to think that God can/will step in?

    1. Christina

      Jeremy, how I wish my ex-husband would do the things that you are doing. I, myself, have prayed for a miraculous reconciliation. I am not sure what God has in store for us but I know that He has my best interest at heart. I continue to pray for my ex. If it is God’s will for us to get back together, He will soften his heart and give the same desire to reconcile. I hope and pray for God’s will for yours.

      1. Jeremy


        That’s where my confusion comes in! I’m doing all the right things, wanting to be a better husband and father and it wasn’t good enough! Why? Since my original post, I was told by a friend that my ex-wife had an emotional affair with an old boyfriend. I was able to confront her about in a counseling session that was designed to help us co-parent. She denied the whole thing, which I expected, but did disclose they are seeing each other…It’s like the bandage got ripped off yet again! How do we stand when this is going on?

    2. Alex


      I think the best answer is to pray to God. Ask Him to show you His will and to soften your xwife’s heart. As someone who was married to a man with the same issue, the lies and the pain from a porn addiction run deep. However, unlike your wife I at one time desired to reconcile with my xDH but he was and is not ready to change. Funny how life works. The important part is to continue to let God work in your life and transform you into the man He desires you to be. This weekend I finished reading “I Do, Again” and the one thing that struck me is that God’s timing is not like our timing. He needs to get us where He wants us in fulfillment of His plan for our lives. While that plan may include your ex-wife, it may not. And at the end of the day, you have to be fine with that. The focus can’t be on the other person but on you and your relationship with God. He will work out all the other details. He already has the plans worked out for us; all we have to do is trust and have faith that those plans are good — better than anything we could have ever imagined. I pray that God work a wonderful resolve for your situation.

      1. Jeremy

        What do you pray, Alex. Do you pray for reconciliation? Do you pray for courage and strength to move on?

        1. Alex

          Jeremy: I would say you pray and ask God to show His will and His desire for your life. However, in the meantime you have to be still and listen for His direction, His guidance which can come through reading the Bible, through your quiet prayer times with God or through a trusted Christian counselor and/or friend. When I pray, I have learned to ask God for what I want, i.e. reconciliation, but at the same time I ask God to show me His will and to line up my life with His will. Every prayer I have ever prayed God has answered. It’s not always yes, but in the end it’s worked out. During my divorce from my ex-husband he was begging me to call off the proceedings and I prayed for God to show me ex-DH’s heart to see if he was sincere. I prayed that if it he was not that God would open doors and “let this cup pass.” God showed me ex-DH was not sincere and he opened doors.

          God will not leave you in the dark. Not sure if you read “I do” but in it Cheryl speaks of how she had a prayer journal and how she “wrestled” with God on certain issues and how he spoke to her. All we have to do is ask. We have to strip away the pride and really be honest with God and let Him know our concerns and what we desire, and then leave the rest up to Him. I don’t know what God’s will is for your life, but whatever it is I know it’s great. He has already worked everything out, you just have to walk in His way and trust. Trust that no matter what happens it’s for the best. He is using this period in your life to mold you and get you in the exact spot He wants you to be. So, just trust and continue praying and studying His word. Everything is going to be alright.

      2. Jeremy

        What do you pray for after two years? Do you continue to pray for reconciliation? Do you continue to pray for courage and strength to let go?

    3. LC


      Out of curiosity, how long were you married? It has been two years since your divorce was finalized…it is time to move on with your life and pray for guidance in your forward direction. If God intends reconciliation, He will soften her heart. Meanwhile, focus on your children and your own personal growth, not on her emotional desires, dating activities, or possible past transgressions.

  48. Chris

    After almost ten years of marriage, my wife broke the news to me on March 2 that she though one of us should leave. I was shocked. I knew that things weren’t great, but had no idea that she was this unhappy. She said that I was selfish, and always got my way at her expense. She’s right. I started praying then.

    On March 7, I got a call from a woman breaking the news to me that my wife was having an affair with her husband. They were separated, but she wanted to reconcile and my wife was in the way. I was floored. I never thought my loving wife could do this. I confronted her, and she admitted it. He is an ex-boyfriend who she’d meet when she traveled to her sister’s in Oklahoma. They’d been physical for three months, but were talking for three months before that.

    We’ve been trying to put the pieces back together, as we have four kids. God has granted me the ability to forgive my wife, but she still has not apologized for the affair, the lies, the deceit. She has not even stated that it was a mistake. On the contrary, she told the counselor that she wished that I would just leave, so he could take my place. She thinks she’s in love with him, and not with me. On three occasions, I have caught her calling him after she promised not to — so that we could work on us. That’s not three calls, but rather I caught her using different cell phones to call and talk to him for hours on end — for days or weeks between being caught.

    God has planted me here. I am fighting for my marriage. I called HIM, and asked him if he wanted to break up my marriage. He reluctantly offered to bow out, and not answer nor reply to my wife’s pursuit. That was a week ago, and he has thus far honored that vow (as far as I know).

    My wife still blames me for this. She says that I dedicated my time to everything other than her and the kids. Yes, I had a lot on my plate: volunteer fireman, city council, taught RAs at church, served on a POA board, headed up a hunting group. I did dedicate more time to them that I did her.

    She acts like she is trying. But, over the past month, she has acted this way several other times. Each time, I thought we were getting somewhere, then she’d sabotage things by calling him — and driving a wedge between us.

    She has agreed to a daily devotional, to pray for us. I pray four to five times a day for us. I just don’t know what it will take for her to soften her heart, to repent for the affair, and to ask for forgiveness from me. How long will she fool herself into believing that this is all my fault, and forgive me for my hobby “affairs”?

    I have the faith that God CAN heal our marriage. I have hope that she will turn away from her lover. I love her.

    Any helpful words are greatly appreciated.

  49. Minh

    This is an encouraging story.
    thanks so much for sharing.

  50. TWL

    Does anyone know of any examples where a childless couple have successfully reconciled? I have read “I Do Again” and do find Jeff and Cheryl’s story inspiring but they, like the other ‘success stories’ I’ve come across do acknowledge that their children were influential in their reconciliation.

    My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We married when we were very young and have been married for 13 years. In 2011 he couldn’t find a job locally so he went to work in another country for a year. Long story short he started having an affair and, after struggling with his decisions, about 10 months ago decided to leave me for the other woman. My husband and I were married in the Catholic church. I do not believe in divorce. Until his affair my husband didn’t either. We are currently ‘informally’ separated. While I do pray to God that my husband and I will reconcile, rebuild our marriage and start a family together, we do not have any children.

    I do regularly pray to God for guidance but, as with many others on here, I am struggling to maintain faith. If anyone can share an example of where a childless couple has reconciled that I could draw strength from I would appreciate it. My husband and I are currently living in different countries and have limited contact with each other, but I know he still cares about me. I believe marriage is for life. Like Cheryl, if my husband and I don’t reconcile I will never marry again.

    1. Isabel

      Hi, How are things turning out TWL?

  51. mo

    Hi my gf broke up with me after a year and a half. I changed because of my depression and when it got itd best of me She left me. When her anxiety got its wrist and she treated me really bad and mean i stayed by her side because I knew she was worth fighting for and it wasn’t her intentions but her anxiety getting the best if her. she said I was a good guy it just had to be done the first week she broke up with me. Now she hates me and tells people I was never nice and I was always mean to her and said mean things to her. When I never did. Now she’s believing outside influence and believes I talked to a girl the while time we dated. I never did and we were together everyday. Now she won’t talk to me. Returned 1 gift to me and tells friends she hate me. I pray everyday because I’m not the person she’s protraying me to be. I forgive her for putting mr through so much pain but it’d like she dosent care. We both have an internship and I just found out she lives by me now. I pray that she can recognize the truth in me and know that I never did anything behind her back and wasn’t mean to her. I really love her and it has been a month since and she told my friend at the end I became petty.I don’t know what to do. I just want another chance so I can show her it was my depression that changed me. I pray she will forgive me and talk to me again. If somebody can help me it will be much appreciated.

  52. Darron

    Any words of encouragement and advice would be great. As I read all of these stories, I can’t help but feel hope and hopelessness….
    I grew up in a very broken home. Parents were heroin addicts, I was physically, sexually, verbally, and emotionally abused. 60 foster care and other placements, including 2 failed adoptions by the time I was 18. I am now 26. I also became a IV Heroin and cocaine addict. 6 overdoses brought me to teen challenge where I met The Lord. Both of my parents are deceased as well.
    I am now a full time student at a bible college and graduate in one year. God has changed many things but I still struggle with anger, lust, and I have relapsed at times. God is real to me but I can’t help but feel how far away I move. Anyway, I met Erin who also went through teen challenge for meth use. We have been dating on and off again for two years and we now have a 9 month old son together. We both have strayed at pints away from God obviously but I know we both love The Lord and have saw His power in our lives.
    We recently had a trip planned to go to Jamaica and I was going to propse to her there. We got into a fight, my anger took over again and I have been abusive. I have never hit her but get intimidating, we both have been verbally abusive, I would take her phone, etc. She did not go to Jamaica with me and I came back to an order for protection for one year, supervised visits with my son with people that are like my parents, court ordered child support which I have been paying anyhow, absolutely no contact. She did agree that I could go to his baby dedication which is in 6 hours and I can’t sleep. I also asked for court ordered counseling and judge said she couldn’t do that for us but could out it in the order if Erin agreed. She said she was not interested but the judge spoke about us having a child together, etc and she agreed but she has to set it up.
    I have been extremely heart broken and making good and bad decisions. I want my family back, healed, and healthy. I am now in counseling again and working through my past trauma and anger. It’s only been a month and I’m devastated. Her parents aren’t Christians and most of her friends aren’t now and they are single moms. I have a great support network of loving people and Christians who speak hope but have no idea what is going to happen. I will do anything to get my family back as we both believe God brought us together. She is just so hurt, scared, angry, frustrated, disappointed, etc and she has every right to be. What do I do? I know this site is for married couples and we are not married but please help. My emotions are all over the place… I love her and my son so much but fail to show it all the time. She said before that she would marry me in a heart beat, the man she fell in love with who is a great man. Please help

  53. Darron

    There is obviously more to this situation and my story but this is the jist of it. One day I’m believing God and having faith/hope and the next I’m depressed and self sabotaging. I know God wants more of me and my heart and I do believe that he wants my family together. I don’t know. Please pray for us and anybody please chime in with your thoughts or nudging from the spirit.

  54. Tina

    Hi my husband and I are having a hard time reconciling our marriage. My husband and I have been married for 25 years and out of the years 17 of them according to him I have put him through. I admit that I was young when I wanted to leave him and sex problem when it came to my husband. But I have never went outside of my marriage because of fear and God would not let me and I really love my husband. I was just all messed up but I ran back to God for help and here I am today running and living for the Lord. Now, because of me not loving him and sleeping with him he is messed up now. He says that I molded him into the man he is today. He went around asking other women if he was attractive. I give my wife everything and she does not sleep with me. I don’t beat on her and so on and so forth. So he did not want to live a lye anymore he told people that I was not a good wife in the sex area. Now, I am face with other women talking about me and hitting on my husband and he tells me it is all my fault.
    I want my marriage to work but he is so bitter towards me. He says to me that I just want to go on with our lives without suffering for the pain I caused him and that he is not ready to move on to the next phase of our lives. I took responsibility for my actions and am I responsible for his actions too?

  55. JWT

    I left my wife last August due to her harshness and my feeling that all she wanted me for was money.
    She had been going through some very difficult times with her health.
    Since we separated she called around Thanksgiving, leaving no message. I called her back a couple days later and she quickly replied via a text to never contact her number again. She again called around Christmas. I called her father a couple weeks later, somewhat scared that if I called her she would contact the police for telephone harassment. I spoke with her father, we had a good relationship. All he would say was that she was going to work. I do love and care for her and have been very worried about her health. I asked him no to tell her that I called. He said he wouldn’t. Within 5 minutes I got a text from her saying to never contact her family again.
    On Mother’s Day she called and left me a vm saying that she had searched the internet and contacted an attorney to see if I had filed for divorce. She said she didn’t know what I was thinking, but she thought it was time we got a divorce.
    I only took the positive from this. Every time in the past when we had separated when dating, her messages were very similar. I am still in love with her.
    I waited a week and drove 3 hours to see her, she didn’t know I was coming.
    She doesn’t like surprises and that the same time I didn’t feel that what I wanted to say to her I wanted to do by phone, text or email.
    I went to her work and waited outside on a public street for her to leave work. I was on the opposite side of the street on a park bench, about 50 yards away from the security door.
    She came out the door and took about 3 steps into the crosswalk, the she looked in my direction and stopped in her tracks. I took about 3 steps towards her and she quickly turned back towards the security door.
    As it was a public street there were people about.
    I said that all I wanted to do was to talk to her. She turned her head and said something over her shoulder and quickly opened the security door using her badge.
    I stood there for a moment and then walked back to my car around the block.
    As I was driving away I saw her walking towards her car escorted by a security guard.
    2 days later she sent me a text asking me “did u file” and also called but didn’t leave a vm.
    I have tried to so hard to let go and let God, but it doesn’t seem that he wants our marriage to continue.
    I can’t bring myself to file for divorce although my friends and relatives tell me I should do so.
    I won’t file for divorce because I made a promise to her and God when we married.
    I have not dated other women because I am still married, though when I get to the point of giving up I become tempted.
    I can understand her anger towards me as I left her. But my selfishness also about what seemed her only reason for me as her husband was to provide money. When I left, her health was better, and I have also realized how she could feel I abandoned her…in sickness and in health…
    Please advise me if there is anything left I can do. I pray but God has not given me direction.
    I hurt so badly that she turned and walked away, not even being able to speak with me.
    Should I file for divorce and set her free, it’s seems that what she wants?
    I cling to the hope that her heart softens and God reaches her.
    Each and every time in the past when she had difficult times she would turn to religion, proclaiming Jesus as her savior, and being rich in the Lord.
    Please help!

  56. Ddm

    Me and my wife are about to start the divorce process. We were high school sweet hearts and we went off to college together. We’re a young married couple and we have a child together. I want to keep my family but she is focused on her life and being single. I really want to stay married and work out our issues for us but to also bring stability to our child. I just recently saw that my wife been sending inappropriate emails to other guys for four years and we’ve been
    married for 2 and half years. It make me wonder why did she marry me and have my child if she knew wanted to be single when I got married I was committed and believed in us. We didn’t have the perfect relationship but we made it last we fought over little things. She constantly bring up the past and I bring up how she left me for another guy when we were younger I always tell her that we can get past this if we go to marriage counseling together but she refuses to go. My life is so confused and lm hurt and I know I will be hurt if we don’t fix things. I really do hope god can bring back the sweet girl I knew and not this bitter woman who think she is right by leaving and breaking our family apart. She is the love of my life and I know I want to continue my life with her. I miss us doing family things like going out to eat and playing. God please forgive us for our sins and save our family

  57. Douglas 47

    My wife and I are in our 60’s and have a great marriage. But if, God forbid, something ever happened to her and she passed on before me, after reading the letters on this blog, I would never get married again

  58. Patricia

    My heart breaks to read of all the pain in marriages. I once devastated my husband by leaving him, taking our small children and divorcing him. Then, by God’s pursuing grace of me, we were able to reconcile. We were married the first time for 3 years, divorced for 16 years and now remarried for almost 9 years. Yes, reconciliation does happen when you yield your will to God and when forgiveness is extended. So thankful for what God has done and will continue to do. We frequently try to share our story of God’s reconciliation of our marriage and are so thankful for the Scruggs also making themselves vulnerable in order to help others.

    1. Isabel

      Thank you Patricia for your encouraging words, we all need more of it.

  59. Cortney

    **I apologize…I originally posted this in the wrong place.
    I found this website while needing some encouragement. My husband left me about 6 weeks ago without notice. I came home to find a note telling me he moved out. I was in absolute shock. He cut off all contact with me and went to his parents house. About a week later, he emailed me stating he planned to divorce me. He won’t talk to me, wouldn’t explain, and his family will have nothing to do with me. I have tried, and tried, and tried to reach out to him. My family has as well. I no longer know where he is. I fear for his safety and for his heart. I can only email him and hope he reads the emails. I lost my best friend, my husband, and every goal and dream I ever had. My family is so saddened. He is loved so much by all of us. However, this all seems so malicious of him. It has torn me to pieces. I keep praying SO HARD for him. He has no idea what all has happened in these last few weeks. I am terrified he will divorce me without even speaking to me. Please pray for this man. He is torn between me and his family. He needs to talk to me so he can see God working on us all.

    1. Cortney

      I am so hoping for some encouragment and advice!!

    2. Joel

      Unfortunately, you can’t make him do anything. As my ex did, she “put up a wall, and is not going back”. When I asked her why she was doing this, her answer was “I just am”. There was never a reason given. She even asked me to stop praying for her. Having said that, you need to move on and let God work on him. It may not happen as you want, but you have to seek what God has planned for you. Not an easy task. I had a lot of sleepless nights. Seek counseling, and friends. Reach out to your church. If you live in a larger city, the bigger churches will have some support groups you can get involved in. Cortney, I pray that your husband will open his heart and listen to God’s will in his life. I pray that you will also seek God’s comfort in this difficult time. Trust God. Proverbs 3:5-6

  60. Marty

    Hi! It saddens me to see so many people hurting. I sent my wife packing 2 months ago and it was the biggest mistake of my life. She taught me to communicate, to talk, to listen, to temper anger with patience and so many other things, that were, to be honest, foreign concepts for me. We had the time of our lives. Then about 2 years ago, her health problems, combined with her father’s descent and ultimate succumbing to Alzheimer’s, really sent her into a deep, dark depression. Of course, I was too busy throwing my own pity party to understand or pay attention to what was going on. She stayed in bed, talked to her friends online and we became nothing more than roommates. I did practically everything around the house and meanwhile, clammed up and wouldn’t talk to her which pushed her further away from me. The two happiest people on earth, rapidly became the two most miserable people on earth. I managed to send my soulmate, best friend and woman of my dreams back to her homestate because I didn’t see the depression, in her and myself. I kick myself in the backside 1000 times a day because I didn’t recognize her symptoms, or mine. She tried to get me to go to counseling; repeatedly tried to get me back in church… to no avail… my feelings were hurt; my ego damaged and I was having none of her attempts to try and fix things. So, now, two months later, we talk everyday on the phone(she is now 700 miles away) and we laugh and talk and listen, just like the old days. It took a divorce for us both to snap out of our collective funk and begin to rethink life, love, and God. She is attending church and I, too, have returned to church. We do daily devotionals together, on the phone and we have both been praying for the Lord to heal us, individually and as a couple. It has been hard to honestly examine myself and own up to my issues and I am sure that she would say the same thing, but we take it one day at a time and try to let God show us what we need to do to get us both back to where we need to be. As you can imagine, there have been a myriad of reactions from family and friends… everything from total support to “are you nuts?” We realize that this situation is between the two of us and God, and we pray for strength and wisdom to move in the right direction and make good decisions along the way. For anyone out there who is experiencing similar problems, please, please, please, don’t be a fool like I was. Hit your knees, talk to God and most importantly, listen for His response. The Lord is merciful and good. He hears every prayer, and answers every prayer, as well. That answer may not come in the form that we were hoping for, but the answer will come. I regret every second of the day that I am separated from the one person on this planet who can read me like a book; knows my heart and most of all, loves me unconditionally. It appears that we are going to get a 2nd chance at marriage, and for that I am eternally grateful. Thank you Lord for your mercy, kindness and wisdom. Thanks for not giving up on us.

    1. Isabel

      Marty, your story is so UPLIFTING. Thank you so much for sharing. It is true that we get into great trouble as soon as we look at our selfish selves and not at our creator and Lord. I will pray for you and please keep sharing and encouraging. May the Lord keep directing and blessing you both.

  61. Joel

    My ex left me over two years ago. She has been dating around and is back with original boyfriend after three breakups with him. (don’t understand that, but another subject altogether). I have not been dating anyone serious. I have been on dates with multiple women, but I don’t have the time or the desire to date any one person. I have tried to focus on raising my daughters, who both stayed with me. They are 17 and 20, so I will be an empty nester soon. What are your thoughts on re-marriage? Reading the bible, I see that I am not to move on until she re-marries. She has told our daughters that she doubts she will ever re-marry. She likes being single. I pray for God to direct me, and I seek his will on this issue. It is a very confusing time.

  62. Agnes Kyei

    A more of a question:
    I am separated from my husband for the past 7 years and since we have a child we sometimes talk about the kid. He wants reconciliation which I am willing to consider. Since both our parents were involved in a nasty fight on the day he chased me out of our marriage home, I have asked that before we start staying again together, he must arrange to go and see my parents as well which he has agreed. Now the issue is because I refused him sex after his proposal for reconciliation until full reconciliation is completed and in order not to disappoint my parents who has been very supportive during these years of his absence, he accuse me of being difficult and not sure of myself. Is this man trustworthy because I don’t want to be hurt again?

  63. Kris

    My ex-husband had one overnight fling and one affair before our third child was one. We dated 7 1/2yrs and married for 13 yrs. I received counseling from my church after the affairs but he refused to go. I stayed 4 1/2yrs before filing for divorce. He was not remorseful during any of that time and made me feel like he did me a favor by staying. After praying and hoping things would getting better, I finally gave up in 2010. He was very bitter toward me right after but then we talked a few times and aired out our feelings. The strain of having three kids back to back and him working 70hrs a week took a toll and therefore he drifted away. 2012 I was in a serious relationship with someone else and then he had a woman move in with him. When my relationship dissolved it was hard on me because I felt like a failure all over again. He ended his too and asked me to immediately try to start dating again. I told him I would but I needed some time to heal from the emotions of this one (I did not want to make the mistake of jumping into another relationship too soon). He said okay but that was May of 2012. He never asked me out after that. We get together with the kids sometimes and go to a movie or ballgame, but nothing with ‘us”. I know he’s dated some and I feel like when he’s come around its because hes in between dating and bored. I’ve prayed and prayed and try to keep faith that if its meant to be it will. But is there more I can do? I’ve been on the dating scene and I hate it. In the back of my head I hear the words, If you can’t make this one work what makes you think you can make another one work. I know I’m hard on myself, but divorce was never something I wanted. For the most part we get along now, but I do not know where he stands on trying to reconcile or should I just let things be. Any advice would be helpful.

  64. Fredo

    My wife left me over two years ago and not a day goes by that it doesn’t feel like I have been stabbed in the heart. As soon as she left, she started seeing a married man. The kicker is that they are both Sunday school teachers. And the only place I knew to heal my hurts (the church) turned its back on me and accepted them with open arms. This has crushed my faith in the church and crushed my faith period. I have cried on the floor begging the Lord to bring her back. And for a brief time she did, only to run right back to this man, after admitting what she did was wrong. It killed me. I have no prayers left to pray and no strength left. I believe in Gods word. I believed he would be there for me yet I feel nothing no matter how hard I pray.

    1. Joel

      I would go talk to the pastor of your church and get him to explain why the church is standing by them. And then you should consider looking for another church. Remember, God did not turn his back on you. Your wife and friends did. I have a similar story, and I still struggle. It only gets better. Seek God’s will in your life. Proverbs 3:5-6

  65. Michael

    My wife left me over 3 weeks ago now. We are both Christians, but have not always lived putting Christ first in our lives! We have been married for 18 years and have 3 children! I thought our marriage would last “till death do us part!” Things seemed, I would say normal for a typical married couple for the first 17 years, but then I had a great job opportunity that required me to go overseas for 6 months! We talked everyday while I was gone, but about 3 months into it satan entered in! My wife started hanging around with another man! I don’t believe anything physical happened, but the emotional blow was devistating to our marriage! She suddenly believed that there was a better life waiting for her out there! When I returned home she gave me the “I am not in love with you anymore speech!” I was devistated, and admit that I couldn’t let the emotional affair go! We survived for a year, but slowly the love in our marriage died! She became obsessed with hanging out with friends and going out partying a lot! I tried begging, pleading, and any other thing I could think of to get her to stop this lifestyle, but I only made things worse! Less than 3 weeks after our seperation, she had already removed her wedding ring which was like a knife through the heart to me! I am devistated, but your story gives me hope, because I know she is a child of Jesus and I am just praying everyday that she will remember how important he feels about marriage! I am trusting in him to bring us back together! There is nothing more i can do to help this marriage, but to lay all this at his feet and trust in him, because she doesn’t want to even consider reconciliation! Please remember me in your prayers!

  66. Melanie

    I have been waiting for him to come back to me for a little more than 5 years now. we are legally separated but not divorced. This summer I thought maybe we were getting close to reconciling only to find that he is dating multiple women and now drinking and smoking pot. He has been through 2 serious relationships since he left me and he is still lost his way. Where did the man I married go? I have been raising our children an been keeping faithful unto him. He is my husband. Seen him tonight with one of his girlfriends and it hurts my heart so much. Please God what do I do….do I keep holding on waiting for your miracle. Please help me.

  67. Miss Joyce

    My husband and I have been married 13.years and separate almost 6 months. Although we both were to blame for the petty arguement that has us heading for divorce, however I have reached out to him several times to work on saving this marriage through counseling, whatever it takes and he has said NO. It’s almost like I don’t know this man. I have prayed to God like crazy and NOTHING has happened. I have been FAITHFUL to my husband these 13 years. Today 1/12/13 we signed Legal Separation papers and I have cried and question God as to why he didn’t save my marriage. I haven’t gone out with anyone, nor had any contact with no man since he has been gone, him on the other hand, I don’t know. My husband was good to me and yes I took advantage of some things, and I honesty miss him and still am praying for God to soften his heart and let him want to work out this marriage. Just don’t know, right now I feel like doubting God , because I feel He failed me…….thanks for listening to my story and please pray for me and Jerome……

    1. Douglas 47

      I am saddened about your marital situation. You marriage is in my prayers. Please KNOW that God has not failed you. He has never failed .He has never failed anyone. God may be allowing this to happen for your spiritual growth.Trust in God. His main desire for you is your being conformed to the likeness of Christ.But do continue to strive to save your marriage. It is God’s will.
      Also. keep in mind concerning your marriage. It’s not over ’till it’s over.
      I wish you God’s best and a restoring of your marriage.

  68. Crystal

    I have been reading everyones posts and I am going thru a situation right now with my ex fiancé who is an alcoholic/addict. He was married before and so was I. We both are divorced and we started dating in 2006. He has a son from his previous marriage (11)and we have two sons together (4&5). We had plans to marry but because of his drinking and pain pills our relationship was off and on. We had actually split up at one point after we had our son who at the time was only 9 months and I was prego with our youngest. I didn’t want to leave but it became impossible to live with him so many terrible things happened and I knew he wasn’t mentally all there from the alcohol and pain pills. The harder I tried to help or understand the more he pushed me away or verbally trashed me. I was devestated and hurt. I love this man unconditionally and while we split (again, we never married) we were seperated for two years, he forgot about me and our little boys for a good two years. I prayed so hard for him to heal and recover and for our family to be united again. I left with our 9 month old son and I was two months prego. The whole time was a nightmare but I pulled close to God and he was the light and God got me and our boys through somehow. While we were apart he had a two year relationship with another girl and never cane to see his children and never supported them. Fast forward to 2012 when he started to come around. He seemed to be clean and we eventually after several months started dating and then got engaged even. We waited a year before moving in together as a family getting ready to get married and everything was so nice. I thanked God everyday. I ended up moving 5 hours upstate so he could finish school, I quit my job and moved 5 hours upstate to become a stay at home mom. I finally get to spend time with my boys and enjoy seeingthem grow up instead of working all the time to make ends meet. How nice right? He is medically retired navy and gets great benefits plus while he is in school he gets money every month for housing payments. We were set. No worries right? He was still drinking and the drinking became so bad again that we would argue. He was buying pills on the street and selling some of his scripts he would get from the VA. I became so confused and worried about him about us and about what the kidsvwere being exposed too. He went to school 4 days a Week and would sleep until 1 pm on his days off from drinking. Everything I did or did not do became a problem. His son from his first marrage started to really disrespect and that was another world of hurt because I was so close to his son. My car was just repoed because he wasn’t making my car payments as he said he would. I care so much for him and his son but I was getting lied to, called names, disrespected and even our younger boys were getting physically and verbally attacked by their older half brother. Anything I would try to do to help this child out blew up in my face. Why?? I felt like I was under attack, I know I was, by the two people I love and would do anything for. I never dated or cared to date when we were seperated the first time. Here we are now, split up again… Nothing was changing, things were getting worst each and everyday, lies, manipulation, drinking, pills, verbal abuse and physical and verbal abuse on my two little ones by the older half brother. What did I miss, what just happened to my prayers? I pray all the time for both of them to heal and be happy and for things to change. I pray for my boys to heal and to be able to have a relationship, a healthy one with both their father and half brother. I pray for me to be able to be the best mother to my boys and a great women to him because I don’t know what else to pray for. Maybe I have no right to ask for he and I to be a family because he was married before?? I don’t know what to think. I pray he gets better I love him so much. God bless you all.

  69. MR

    Dear Lord,
    Please my ex husband initials RR come back home. He knows me and the boys miss him. He needs to stop thinking bad about me and stop hanging out with his friends or women. Let him find patience with me and when talking to me. Especailly laughter. God guide him home where he belongs NOW. Let him proposal again….AMEN

  70. J

    My wife left me two months ago. She dropped the divorce bomb on me last Friday. I hold myself accountable for everything I did or didn’t do in my marriage. That I know of, there has been no adultery, she just does not want to be with me. When we met 9 years ago, I had just been saved and she was in the word. We married 4 1/2 years ago but the last two years we both had slid away from God being #1. Around early November she made an ultimatum to me. I knew I had to lean on God and I thought things were getting better. On December 7, she left me. Two days before that I wondered what was happening because she was very cold to me. Everytime I asked her to talk with me, she wasn’t ready. Until January 31. She takes no blame and I accepted and repented of anything I did or didn’t do before this took place. she said if I want to better myself, good for me, but she does not want to be married to me. Odds stacked against me because her family, though they do not agree, say they will not talk her into changing her mind because nobody can change her mind. We have a 3 year old son who we love very much. We both came from divorced parents so I never wanted this and still don’t. My wife does not want counseling, church counseling, nothing. I need to trust God and move on but doing it is hard. She hasn’t filed yet but according to her family its coming. I don’t want this, I love her unconditionally but her mind is made up. When we have talked, I’ve prayed for God to show up BIG but it just got worse. I have to trust he knows what is best for me

  71. YFaust

    My husband is struggling from past marriages failures…He tries to protect himself from the hurt and betrayals of his past, but Blames me for EVERYTHING going wrong in our marriage…It has been 6 weeks and he refuses to come back home..He is a man of God, but saids…He needs to separate himself from me and that I need to be concerned with only ME and my Kids Not him nor his daughter that I have been raising for the past 2 years..I have repented, reached out, cried and did everything to try to get him to reconcile with me…He rejects me! I’m trying to have Faith and believe but it is very hard when you love someone so much and Just went down the aisle 5 MONTHS AGO!! Anyone, that can walk me through this pain…would help…God Bless…

    1. douglas47

      Sad about what’s going on in your marriage. You said that you have repented. Was there an infidelity? (I am not assuming anything negative about you, since I just know what you wrote)

  72. Dom

    I too have felt this pain. My wife left me three years ago and immediately started seeing a marred man. The kicker is that they are both Sunday school teachers. ladies, it isn’t just men that break hearts. I have been in pain for three solid years now, begging the Lord for help.

  73. Doubting God

    My ex-wife divorced me 10 months ago. I have problems with low self esteem and self loathing. This led to me having problems with lust. I never had and affair or cheated on her. I loved her, she was everything to me. I would never have cheated on here. She held on for about 8 months after finding out what I was struggling with and then separated from me 14 months ago and filed for divorce which was finalized 10 mos ago. She didn’t want to save the marriage and to this day has no desire. She doesn’t love me and has no respect for me. I have held on to hope that God would restore and He hasn’t. I have spent months in counseling and asking God to show me my faults and things in my life that contributed to the breakup.

    I kept hanging on and hanging on, only to be continually disappointed and discourage by God’s lack of help and answers to prayer. I prayed every night for years that God would protect our marriage but he didn’t and I am very bitter towards Him for that. In fact I have told Him that I hate him because of it. Right now I am struggling with trusting Him because I feel let down by Him. He was not there for our marriage. He let us down and I am trying to make sense of all of this. For a God who hates divorce this is a contradiction.

    1. AnaMary

      Hi Doubting God,
      I am so very saddened to hear your story. It seems a strange thing that when we are suffering from low self steem and need others to support us, it is then that they abandon us. Be sure of something though, please, God NEVER LEAVES US. Trusting Him means not having a pre-assumed way or time in which He is going to help us. He will not stop suffering per se, so we have a cushioned life. What would it be like if at every wrong step we take He stopped us? How would we possibly grow? I am afraid it does not work like that. It may be that He has let this happened to your life so that you come back to Him fully, He is waiting for you to stop looking at your situation and your struggles and look ONLY at Him. Give Him your pain, your bitterness, all that does not come from Him and He will exchange it for goodness, Hope, Love, Faith. It is hard and a struggle, you have been fighting for long, don’t give up now. Please, let go of her and your marriage too. If you are ever to come back again, it must be a new marriage to each other after God has restored you both, but for the only reason of being His. Self steem isn’t something easy to overcome, but only looking to God for your value and strength and helping others, that you will be lifted from darkness. God always welcomes doubt, it shows we are thinking. He loves us and suffers with us, believe me. Be encouraged, you are not alone. Psalm 30:5 “…Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.” Praying for you.

      1. Doubting God

        Thank you AnaMary. I just now checked back in on this site. Less than a month after posting the above comment she told me she was with someone else. I kind of already knew. She was with him 5 months after the divorce. She is still with him now. I let go of her at that point out of anger at that point. My anger and resentment towards God grew deeper and for a few months I gave up on Him. I gave up on any chance of restoration as well. Well, I am happy to say that I have come back to God. I have been listening to the new song from Casting Crowns “Broken Together”. It saddens me because I don’t have any real hope of my marriage ever being restored. She is not walking with God at all. But I did share the song with a friend who is having marriage difficulties. I have resolved that God’s way is best and that there is no way that my ex and I could be together at this point. Her feelings toward me haven’t changed and she refuses to forgive. If her heart was open to God I think that we would have a chance but it is not. I met a Christian woman online whome I care for a lot but it is a long distance relationship and I have mixed feelings about it. I am praying for God’s will and not my own. Something I didn’t do before. I used to quote God’s words about hating divorce back to Him in my prayers but it was my way of telling God to do what I wanted him to do. That didn’t work out so well. Lesson learned. Any hope for restoration is pretty much gone but I am trying to be open to what God wants for my life.

        Thank you for your response to my posting, I will take your advise to heart.

  74. Johnny

    I am 22 years old with 3 kids with my wife and we are going threw a divorce I ask that all of you pray to soften her hart. I will pray for all of you also plz pray for me. I believe god will do a miracle for me. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

    1. AnaMary

      Praying for you Johnny. Blessings and hang on to Him, the Giver of life.

  75. Dale

    My wife and I recently separated from each other. We had been having lots of fights and both of us have hurt the other. She told me that she is seeking a divorce and that she is too tired and hurt to work on our marriage anymore. She has acknowledged that she is running away. I don’t blame her for wanting the pain of constant fighting to stop but I believe that we can still save our marriage. Please pray for God to soften her heart and cause her to reconsider and for me to have the knowledge to bring changes about in me that she needs.

    1. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

      We will

  76. Chris

    Well, I guess the first thing I want to say is “thank you” to both Cheryl and Jeff for sharing your story in the book. I have always, always believed in God and feel that He dropped the book square into my lap based on my prayers and the struggles I was having. I literally blindly stumbled across it online. I downloaded it onto my iPad and read it in two days (rare for me). I was touched, stunned, moved and inspired.

    After a senseless argument that I thought was meaningless, my now ex-wife said that she wanted a divorce – that was September of 2011. I was stunned like many of you. I was not unfaithful, abusive, addicted or financially irresponsible and we had an 18 month old son at the time (through 3 years of infertility and 5 procedures & IVF – just like Cheryl & Jeff). I spent the first few months pointing figures, trying to figure out why, and pleading with my wife to stay in the marriage and not to leave me. I loved her, and did not want to be a part-time father to my new son, my first and only child. Her heart was hard and closed, she said as much….and she could not force it open. She said things like – “Living with you is like having a boss”, “you nit-pick everything I do”, “there is no love in this house”, “you are terrible at the little things and the little things matter”….I took an emotional beating. I blamed everything from hormones in the IVF process to early menopause….I looked at everything except one thing, me.

    A few months into our ordeal, shortly after she moved out, I am nearly 100% certain that God dropped another book into my lap on purpose. After I read that book and joined the online community associated with it I stopped blaming, looked at myself, and owned my faults. Not the ones that I saw in myself, but the ones my wife hurled at me. And in the moment that I let go of my defensiveness and need to be right, a transformation began. Looking back, this had to have been God. I started to actively fix the things that were wrong with me….my phone/texting addiction, my disconnection from my family (though I just fixed it with my son since wife was gone), I could list a bunch more traits that needed refinement – and I worked through all of them as best I could. Again, I look back and know that God was carrying me through it and finally opening my eyes to what it meant to be a husband and a father (I related to Jeff’s portions of the book about “sure I’m connected to my wife” so much). I was becoming a better man, a better husband, and a better father (the father part was amazing).

    All the while when this was going on, I would write letters to my wife telling her what I was going through, apologizing for my faults that left her unfulfilled and unhappy, validating her feelings. I wanted for her to see the change in me…and believe that it was real and long lasting. Despite my personal growth, confessions of my short comings, profuse apologies and more – in July of 2012 we sat in a lawyers office while our attorneys and a mediator dismantled our marriage. I cried the whole time, and when we were finally in the same room my eyes were red and swollen – she looked cold and detached. It was the worst day of my life.

    After the shock of the divorce wore off a few months later, I still continued on my path the waking up and change….it was God at work, I am sure of it now. We communicated lightly, and I could see bits and pieces of her sadness from time to time. It was a slow, slow, slow, thaw – but eventually we started going to church together and then going to breakfast afterwards with out son. We had good conversations, things felt happy….I didn’t know where we were heading, but I was feeling positive. In Early 2013 we took a trip up to the snowy mountains in Arizona with our son. We had an amazing time and great talks about “us” during the drive. It was the first time we slept in the same bed together since she said she wanted a divorce in September of 2011. I literally felt like a teenager that landed his crush. We were kind of coming back together. Slowly. Our son saw it and was beside himself with happiness that he was with us both.

    Late winter/early spring of 2013 came along and during a late night phone call she said with some amount of frustration and tears that she felt unsettled in the new place she was living in, and that I should “propose something or move on”. I think it was her way of asking to “try”. I suggested she try spending a few nights a week at our house together and then a few on her own at her place. Over time, that turned into her being back at the house with me and our son full-time…she started moving things back from her place into our house. I was elated. I was a full time dad again and the love of my life was back! We did things as a family, swam together, when to sporting events, still went to church….God was moving on both of our lives I thought and bringing us back together. We became intimate again and were making plans to use our last IVF embryo to have another baby. I also learned how to serve her as a spouse while she was back, and put her needs and the needs of our son well ahead of my own. That was very new for me. I delighted in taking the best care of her and spoiling her. We had talks about our time apart, the divorce, our feelings….they were hard, but necessary.

    Three months in, I awoke from a nap one day to find her in the bedroom and wanting to talk. She said that often times when she was back at her place that she just wanted to stay there. My heart sunk. She said that her feelings for me were not where she expected them to be after three months, and for the second time she moved out of the house and back to her condo. I was shattered….it was the Sunday before we were supposed to start the IVF process for baby #2 – the medications had already arrived at the house. However, she moved back to her place and that was the end of that round. I questioned God. A lot. Why me? Why did it happen again? I was crushed.

    That was about a year ago now. We still remain in communication mostly about our son and mostly by text and e-mail. I still, STILL love and adore her more than any woman that has ever entered my life…and I cherish my son beyond words and long for the day to be a full-time dad to him again instead of sharing custody. Since this whole ordeal I have certainly dated around….maybe a few relationships here and there that just kind of fizzle out. My heart just won’t connect to them. I am beginning to wonder if God is telling me not to date….for whatever reason. There have certainly been a few signs that would indicate so.

    I was at church one Christmas Eve during this ordeal at a candlelight service – and I swear I think God smacked me between the eyes with this message “Give her back to me; I still have work to do with her and YOUR work and changes had to come first”. After that I felt a peace and calm that lasted for days. I often go back to that message and hope that it was HIM and not me saying that. Like Cheryl, I often wonder if it’s me in my own head or actually God talking to me. Regardless, I cling to that message…a lot.

    About a month ago my ex-wife and I were visiting a counselor about issues with our son (he is very attached to me and has a hard time leaving my house and going to hers….long story, but he has said “I hate my mommy” before….he’s hurting, too). During the visit to the counselor she told me that she was in a serious relationship with someone and that she was going to introduce our son to him. My heart dropped again…..I went pale and mostly speechless. I went home and I know tears flooded my eyes. My son came back to my house after that weekend talking about the guy (he’s 3…he doesn’t know)….he just said he was “mommy’s new best friend. I can’t tell you how much that hurt. I got depressed, lost weight, questioned God, and threw in the towel on reconciliation. “Clearly she can’t feel anything for me anymore, why bother?” – I thought to myself. Still, I continued to focus on being a better man, growth, kindness to ex (Even though I was not speaking to her). For the first time in a long time, I was angry at her…..almost furious. Even though I had dated and this was her first relationship since the divorce I never introduced anyone to our son.

    I prayed more…..I prayed for answers…what to do…to know the difference between my will and God’s will. And that, folks, is when “I Do…Again” dropped into my life. The story was so relatable to exactly…EXACTLY what I was going through. It felts as though God was speaking to me through the shared story of Cheryl and Jeff. Parts of the book felt like looking in a mirror reflecting my emotions over the last 2 and a half years.

    Since reading the book, I have prayed differently and asked God to walk with me during these hard times. I have also asked that He restore my marriage and soften the heart of my ex wife. That He open her heart and eyes to a man that loves her unconditionally and that she see a value and purpose in our family again….beyond what she may be experiencing with the new boyfriend. We don’t communicate much, and I don’t know how deep her feelings are for this guy, but after reading the book I choose to believe that God works in the background where I cannot see and is keeping me on a path to somewhere…..but I don’t know where. All I can say is that I feel like I am not supposed to date and that my ex wife is still deeply in my heart. I feel as though I am not supposed to give up yet…that for some reason I am to remain committed to reconciliation somehow. Like Jeff, I get lonely and long for companionship — but I absolutely cannot see another woman in a motherly role for my son. At all. I hope maybe my ex-wife, somewhere down deep, may feel they same way when she is with the other guy and my son.

    So….that’s my story. If you took the time to read it, please also take the time to pray for us (her name is Sara). I am leaning more on God and faith right now that I ever have in my life….it is literally what is carrying me right now. I am trying to remember that all things are possible with him and he can change hearts. He has already changed mine in this process….more than I could have imagined. I just hope my ex catches up some day and that He reaches her.

    Cheryl/Jeff…I would be flattered if you even weighed in with a single sentence or prayer.

    Best regards,


    PS….I did not proofread this…my apologies for errors.

    1. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

      God can do immeasurably more than you could ever ask or imagine….bc nothing is impossible with Him. Be obedient and diligent, standing w Him. We are praying for you …..for steadfastness, patience and endurance!

      1. Chris

        Thank you, Jeff & Cheryl. I am trying to keep all of that in mind as I try to stick to this path! 🙂

        I have started a notebook of thoughts and prayers after reading your book. It helps, and I do kind of get an odd sense of peace sometimes after writing in it. I try to write down the things I think God is telling me….but I still struggle to tell if it is Him or my own head. How do you figure THAT out???

        It certainly is difficult to stay locked in, especially when it feels like you are getting nothing back from the other side. It’s like trying to climb a sheer wall with your bare hands. Nonetheless, I feel it is the right thing to work and pray for….and I hope God is steering me in the right direction. If it is based solely upon what’s in my heart – then yes, I am. But I don’t know if it what He wants me to do versus throwing in the towel and starting fresh with someone else. I just couldn’t imagine another woman in a mothering role helping me raise my son.

        At any rate, I am babbling. Thanks for responding.


    2. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

      WE absolutely are praying

  77. Niecy

    My situation is i want my ex husband he left were crazy. We have two boys and three girls from my previous marriage my first one. I have asked god to forgive my mistakes. My ex husband and i still talk but its change i want to occur he drinks and smokes weed. He curses alot but he so smart. I know the changes i have to make. He sleeping with other woman and alot of doubts arise. Can God chabge and bring us back together? I fights these doubts alot. Can someone pkease pray. I dont want to remarry as all my friends have said and parents and so on not one says ok lets pray for his return. So sad. I go to rejoice ministries and they have been a very great help helping me to stand. I love him still as much as then. Can someone offer information to groups or offer a prayer to pray with me about my ex to return. Or a phone number to call to be prayer partners. Thankyou and God bless.

    1. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

      We will def be praying. Is your ex husband a Jesus follower? If not pray that Jesus grab his heart.

  78. Nikhil Rathore

    HI All I have been married for almost 7 year i have a daughter 6 years old and a son 2 months old . Now my wife suddenly start hatting me a wants a divorce please help if anyone can , as i cant live without her.

  79. Ivan

    Please anyone who can help. My wife of 20 years has decided to leave me and our four boys. She called and said that she has panic attacks on the way home and needed to leave. After doing all of the wrong things like beg and trying to make her reconsider I helped her find a place to stay. We had problems with my mother overstaying her welcome and the house being clean with four boys and a dog, and the dog. I put all my efforts into fixing these things and she then told me that she loved me but was not in love with me anymore. So I started to work on myself and improve the house and the kids. She then agreed to come home and stay four out of seven days of the weeks she says for the kids. We now spend more time together then when she was in the house all the time. After talking to her one day she said she felt alone again. I put a lot of time into the kids and their activities and she was left home alone a lot and unable to do what she wanted to do. It has been a little over a month and she will still not talk about us but we go out on dates “which I can not call dates” regularly and she enjoyed herself. Due to her behavior I did something that I am not proud of and went through her phone to see if it was someone else which there is not but I did find some disturbing texts where she is untruthful with friends about the things she is doing while at home. The lies seem unnecessary and a little crazy to me. I have prayed to God for guidance and all I can think of is to keep showing my wife that things have changed and that she is the most important woman in the world to me.

  80. Katie

    After failed reconcilliation my ex husband now lives with ow he had tried to leave her but his heart won’t let him. He thinks coming back to our marriage would be out of guilt & making up for wrongs. Says his future, marriage & children is with her.
    I am truly broken god put restoration on my heart after our 2yr divorce but now I am unsure I pray pray pray but hear nothing. He says he misses me & regrets ever straying but he has to accept how life is now.

    Why won’t god tell me what to do? I ask, cry out to him but there seems to be no ho

  81. Shawny

    Hello everyone, I am dealing with the most difficult time of my life. I have gotten my divorce process started. I sat down with my husband to discuss child support and finalizing the divorce and he stated that he didn’t want things to end. I have been with my husband for 11 years and we have 2 children ( 8 & 4 year old). I am only 28 so he’s basically all I know. We have had many good times, but the bad seems to outweigh the good. I suffered many years of verbal abuse and a lack of support. Things got physical once and I ended up going into a domestic violence shelter with my children for 17 months. I saved my money, moved out of the shelter and took my husband back. We started counseling and things were still really bad. I told my husband that I needed him to help me financially because I was moving into a new apartment. He felt attacked and moved back to his mother’s house. Three months after he moved out he told me that he had an affair and a four month old son with the other woman. I was devastated. It broke my heart. This is our 3rd separation and I am exhausted. We have been separated for a year now and I’ve known about the infidelity and child for 9 months. He says that he loves me and he realizes the hurt that he has caused me. He says that he wants his family back and that we can be even stronger now…that God is testing us. I on the other hand believe that God allowed it so that I could finally move on with my life. We have both said and done things that were wrong, but this situation is the worst one yet. I just feel like I don’t have anymore fight in me and I am questioning whether or not he’s even worth the fight anymore. I thought that my mind was made up and now I have doubts. I don’t know what to do. I am so tired of crying. I’ve prayed about things so many times. I’ve spoken to my pastor…he’s just praying for God’s will to be done in the situation. Can anyone offer me any advice? I’m really stuck and confused. I know that God would want my children and I to be happy.

  82. Telly

    What’s sup me an my wife are not together we are in the process of an divorce been together 11 yrs. Married for 10 she said for 10 yrs she put with my wayi got like my mom she said I caint do this any more an the last 3 yrs she fell out of love with me she want out I beg her for not to do the divorce an to reconcile an for another chance I apologized an she said it’s time to move on she want an new chapter in her life I wish an pray that we can get an another go at it she got to yield to the word of God an be willing to do so every body got free will it’s for u to take God word an to apply it in you’re life an in your marriage so I ask can I get an prayer to get an second chance with my wife I want my family back

  83. Tonya

    Please pray for my husband to want to reconcile. We have been married 10 years and have 2 kids (6&8). He told me he is no longer in love with me. We have been living apart for 5 weeks now. We talk daily but not about “us”. I love him with all my heart and want my family to be whole again. Please help pray for us to heal our wounds and settle our differences. Thank you

    1. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

      We will for sure pray

    2. Greg

      Hi Tonya,

      Will pray for you & your family to be whole again every night. Proverbs 3:5,6 was given to me also by the Lord when my wife told me she was going to leave me just three weeks after I cried out to the Lord to save me. I will also pray that the Lord will give you visions & dreams to comfort you. This is a hard one, but the Lord told me to rejoice in my sufferings(James 1:2,3 & Romans 5:3). As I was crying out to him,”How can I rejoice when I am suffering”? He said,”Do you trust me”. So when I obeyed, as hard as it was the suffering was replaced with peace. Our Lord is the Prince of Peace.

  84. Janna Sharp

    I would really like to request prayer from whomever is willing. My husband and I are on a very rocky path right now. His temper is boiling over and I am bearing the brunt of it. He starts with just getting really loud, quickly over an argument or disagreement then turns into him getting in my face, once he’s in my face anything can happen. He doesn’t directly hit me, but he shoves me into walls, backs me into corners, pokes me in the chest, throws things at me. I don’t know who he thinks he is. I really don’t. He is a believer but doesn’t have a God centered life. my relationship with God is in a different place. I read my bible most mornings with my coffee and feel his daily presence. I am starting to doubt however that this is where God would have me stay…. in this marriage. My forgiveness feels dried up. I am trying to move forward and forgive but the yelling and booming – I just can not deal with it any longer. I have two small boys and it’s my lifes mission for them to NOT be angry men. I don’t want a divorce, but i am worrying myself – I have found myself going days without wearing my ring or day dreaming more and more about what would it actually be like – how would i make it work if I had to get a full time job ect….. like my mind is making plans that i’m not sure my spirit is in line with. Please pray for me – ANY encouraging words I am open to hearing

    1. Maddie

      Sorry to hear you are going through that. My forgiveness has run out on my husband. He can’t seem to make a promise and keep it anymore. I know about verbal/emotional turning almost to physical. Mine got upset at me and took my hand and smacked his face with my hand, my knuckles were bruised for weeks and one time I tried to leave he stepped in dog poop in our backyard and wiped it on me and forced me back in. That’s not right and we do not deserve that. He has some major mental issues that need to be dealt with that only God can heal. i am at a crossroad on whether to file or not because I don’t think it will get any better. We have two children together and he does it in front of the kids. I am now separated and he has not contacted me, he acts as if we are already divorced but worse because he doesn’t show me respect. Those soft spoken words was just a load of garbage.

  85. Jenn

    Hello everyone I’ve read a lot of your post and I am begging for advice! I’ve been divorced almost 5 years but during those years my ex and I dated off and on. There was never any doubt of my love for him or his love for me. I had some things happen to me as a child and it caused a lot of mental damage on how I think which I know isn’t an excuse for my actions. My husband was a very Christian man but with the devil and my feelings of I would never be who he needed me to be I pushed him away many times only to go back because of my love for him. As a child being malested made me feel I could be the Christian he wanted me to be and needed me to be the devil rode my back everyday to the point I thought he would have a better life without me so even if I was dying inside I thought in my mind he deserved better then a damaged person who god that may be unforgivable. I broke things off and tried to move on quickly to save him from my damage. I remarried within 6 months of meeting someone and after 2 years I’ve tried to come to terms with my issues and with my sexual abuse and be closer to God. My heart has been heavy because now I see that even being remarried my heart is with my ex husband and I don’t know what to do at this point. I want to have my family back together. I hate to hurt the man I’m with he is a nice person but he has cheated on me more then once. I feel it isn’t fair to stay in this marriage if my heart is with my first husband. I pray everyday I’ve cried many nights and I’ve tried to be friends with my ex husband so our son can enjoy knowing we will both be there for him. The problem is when I’m nice to my ex and try to express he is important to me and I still care deeply for him he is very quick to say your married talk to your husband. I don’t know if he is saying these things because he does still love me and is hurt that I jumped into a marriage so fast or if he is over me. It’s so hard for me to believe that after 15 years and a son together he could just hate me and not have any love left for me. After I was married a few months he started to finally date and he is in a relationship now. I pray everyday for God to put us back on a path to each other because I know I can’t be happy without him. I just wish he could understand why I made some of the stupid choices I did and soften his heart back towards me. Part of me feels like he is hard towards me because he does still love me cause he always said no one would replace me I was the love of his life but the damaged part of me tells me he’s moved on he hates you now and you are getting what you deserve a life without your true love and I should have to suffer everyday wishing I had him back. If anyone reading this can offer advice or please pray for my ex husband and our situation please I’m asking for all the prayers I can get. This is slowly killing me to the point of depression and having to take medicine. I know with God all things are possible but I don’t know how to fix the pain I have caused my ex husband. Please help!

  86. Q

    This is the hardest for me. We got divorced almost 7 years ago. I was fine afterwards. Since then he has contested me more than once. We saw each other for the first time in 9 years and it was awkward for me. Feelings did surface more on my end than his. It’s been a tug of war. Everything we saw each other it was physical but we never talked about us getting back together. Mind you he got remarried after I finalized the divorce but stayed in contact with me. I wouldn’t see him as long as he was married. Once they were in the process of getting a divorce that’s when I decided to see him. He had been trying for years. Because of the recent contact I want a reconciliation but anytime I bring it up he shuts up. It’s been almost a year since I last saw him and decided not to date and practice celibacy. I am waiting for my husband to come back to me. He just told me today he leaving in November to pcs to korea. My heart broke. I wanted to sit and talk face to face but he acts like he doesn’t want to. What is this? Why did this man get back in touch with me just to hurt me. I took as though god wanted us back together. I don’t know what to do. Give up keeps ringing in my head.

  87. Laurie

    I have been divorced for 8 years and on my own leaning on the everlasting arms of God. At first I persistently prayed for reconciliation. Meanwhile my ex quickly jumped into serious relationships engaged once and remarried over 3 years ago. Once he was remarried, I released the idea that we could reconcile. God brought about healing. My ex did ask me to forgive him and said he walked away from our marriage because he had turned away from God. Strange, that at that point, I had peace and wasn’t living for the day to hear him say he was sorry. Just recently, my ex left his wife and filed for a divorce. Us it crazy for me to think reconciliation for us is an option? I honestly don’t know and certainly don’t want to be a part of hurting his second wife. She is believing for a miracle. I would love some feedback on this! Thanks

  88. Malena

    My husband left 2 and 1/2 years ago for another woman. I’m still feeling devastated and depressed. I think about us/him all the time. I loved him so much and this woman has taken him away. All I have left is memories of a man I knew because he is no longer the man I married. He is cruel to me now and has left me penniless. He lies and hides and won’t talk to me. I’ve prayed and prayed to God to restore my marriage but I know only a miracle could achieve that and I don’t see that many miracles happening these days? I’m losing hope and energy to fight. The devil has managed to destroy what mattered the most in my life.

    1. David

      Hi Malena,

      I am sorry to her your husband chose not to love you as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25), however I encourage you to get ongoing support and encouragement from other women in similar situations. I highly recommend Joel and Kathy Davisson at or They are a true blessing to those hurting from divorce and separation. The most important thing to remember in these times is that you are loved by our almighty God who will never leave nor forsake you. Abide in Him and hold onto His promises. God bless you.

  89. Laurel Zacharias

    I am struggling, my partner left me six years ago, I had worked since that moment to change my life and pray God would reconcile us. Last August he asked me and my daughter to move with him to Alberta, and then he asked me to live in his house (our house once) while he worked away. He lost his job two months ago, he asked me to leave it on his way home from losing his job, and now I hardly hear from him anymore, and we were very close, I don’t know why or what happened, I hear him talk of me as just his ex, and why should he help his ex, I’m once again broken, I am leaning on God, yet my fears and doubts eat me, he will not tell me why he is now like this, I only pray I can keep strong.

  90. Eedda Post

    My husband file for a divorce and leave the house 2 months ago and lives with his lover who steal my husband
    This year in July we shall be married for 32 years It love him with my whole hart he don’t want to do anything with me I send him messages to tell him I shall love him till my death and I shall defend the divorce and it is not the way God want it to be but he do not speak to me and if I speak to him I tell him he will always be my husband and his respond is he do not love me and he is not my husband and I must not speak to him or send him messages or call him but I still do send him messages about the word of God and how I love him I pray every day and bless him in my prayers and ask God to make his stone hart a hart of flesh I believe God can do the impossible to restore our marriage but nothing happen yet I cry always and begging him to come back but nothing I can’t go on this way God must help I know He can and believe He will but it is hard to stay positive

  91. kathee

    I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged….

  92. Walter

    Please pray for my wife to want to reconcile. We have been married for 23 years and have two children (13 and 11). For me, things were very stressful financially, and when my wife quit her job 6 years ago things got worse. I now know that I should have trusted God, and been more supportive of my wife. The stress made me feel like she did not love me or the family and it hardened my heart. I drank, at times abusive and grabbed her three times since 2010. Inexcusable behavior, I am in AA, seeking His kingdom, and asking Him to help remove my character defects. I do not see my kids, and my lawyer says this is very contentious. Please pray Amen

  93. David

    Hi everybody,
    I came across this site and was overwhelmed with all the encouraging words of wisdom. My spouse left me a year ago and it was so out of the blue. I’ve cried myself to sleep every night since then. It’s the most pain I’ve ever felt in my life! I’ve prayed, I pray and I’ve given my god this mess to sort out. I’ve asked her to come back and revoncile and I’ve done and said everything I possibly can and the rejection is so hard to endure. I just keep positive knowing God can do anything and through him, I can do anything! I will not give up and will continue to stand my ground in this grueling battle. I will win, we will win! True love doesn’t just stop and neither do I! God Bless

  94. Dana Gunn

    I came across this site while looking for help in saving my marriage, My husband and I have been seperated for 6 months and divorce has been filed, We have been married for 27 years and Im not ready to throw in the towel but he is. Iam not only dealing with him in this am also dealing with the fact that he has a girlfriend already, Any and all prayers and words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.. I will continue to stand for my marriage as long as I have god by my side, I firmly believe with God all things are possible.

  95. Robert

    I need some prayers, encouragement or advice. I am praying for reconciliation to my wife. We have been separated for 4 months now, and she says she isn’t going to change her mind. She has filed for divorce but so far it hasn’t been final as yet. We met back in 2012 and went together for 4 months and then she broke up with me. 2 months later we got back together, and were married in November of 2013. I can honestly say we never had any arguments or yelling at each other, and only a couple of minor disagreements. I was determined to be the best husband I could be to her. Things were going along well until February 2014, 2 days after Valentine’s Day. I came home from work and she was packing things in boxes and telling me she didn’t love me like when we got married. I am devastated, and pray everyday for god to soften her heart. I cannot make sense of it ….. there was no abuse, cheating, or any kind of mistreatment. She will not communicate with me, and so I have no idea what is going on in her life. I have wrote her texts, emails, letters and cards telling her my feelings. I want to stand for this marriage, and I pray to God everyday, but I get very discouraged. I don’t understand why this has happened, I have seen marriages where there was all kinds of abuses …… and they stay together. I cannot understand why she just tossed our marriage away like this. she says there is no one else, and I don’t believe there is. I have many family members and others just telling me to give up and move on. I can’t. I love my wife so much and care for her so much …. There are no children involved, just her and I. There are times when I feel like I can’t go on…….

    1. David

      Hi Robert,

      I encourage you to check out It sounds like you are not meeting her where she is at. There is some obvious deep-seated issues. The best thing you can do is be Christlike in your manner with her. Don’t make it about you and your feelings, but rather about loving her where she is at. Some books that really helped me in this area was Discovering the Mind of a Woman by Ken Nair and Joel and Kathy Davisson’s books at God Save My I pray that you get centered on Christ first and in the process work to win your wife’s heart back. God can restore your marriage and standing for your marriage is probably the most courageous act you can live out in this life. Where there is anxiety and fear love can not abound. You wife needs you as an initiator, like Christ (Ephesians 5:25). I just prayed for you as you walk out this journey.

  96. Robert

    Should of said February of 2015 …….. not 2014. We were married 14 months .

  97. Melody

    My darling husband divorced me last December. I had been a gambling addict four years, and only recently have been delivered. Problem is, I lost everything. I have no home, live on my 18-wheeler. I am having to file bankruptcy because of my sin and wandering away from the God I love. I never meant to hurt my husband, it’s just the addiction took control and as much as I hated myself and prayed and cried and tried, I couldn’t be free. It took losing everythng.
    He still calls daily, but the past few weeks has dwindled to twice a day and once on weekends. He still says he loves me, but he doesn’t want to see me. I showed up one day after seven months and we visited a little, but he is so against getting together again.
    He says he doesn’t know what he wants, and sadly, I have been unable to cease crying and pleading with him for reconciliation. His answer is always, “I’ll thnk about it”, which to me has come to mean, “no”.
    Please pray for us, I was so stupid and selfish, and so sorry…. and I know beyond a shadow of doubt things would be different, but he doesn’t, so he keeps his guard up.
    I have paid the worst price for my sin. I know God has forgiven me. I long for healing and restoration. I love him with everything in me.
    The Lord put us together in the most amazing way, and I let my hurts and troubles and sin destroy the most beautful life. I know God is more than able. I need strength to carry on. Some days I have a little faith, some days it looks so hopeless and I want to give up.

  98. Joseph alba

    I need prayer in my marriage that is going to be divorced I had issues within myself like anger and stubbornness that would causes me and my wife to get into fight and they would get ugly sometimes I never wanted to be that way I just could at stop it I wanted to change but I just didn’t know how. No she is moved out and has told me that she is not in love with me anymore and wants a divorce and I’m crying out to God to take all the emotions I have to be the light in my marriage for he has already shown me that it will come to pass I just need to learn how to be able to lean on his word and not my own understanding.

  99. R

    Hi! I’m not sure if anyone will read my comment but I’ve read all of the posts above and I see similarity – I’m not married but My boyfriend just broke up with me this morning – after almost 2 years. I didn’t commit infidelity but I betrayed a trust and a promise – he felt a exercise class instructor was too close to me although he was married and I saw no threat – he made me chose him or them I chose him because I loved him and wanted my life with him but I missed my girlfriend and the class and I went back liked to him told him I wasn’t going and he found a picture of me and my girlfriends from the class. I know I was wrong and I sinned he told me he would work on it give me a chance I didn’t what he asked broke all ties and didn’t see the friends and unfriended them however he told me his heart has grown numb and he has been pretending with me and can’t be in a relationship with someone he can’t trust – he never expressed he wanted marriage or kids with me until now he said he loved me and wanted all that – we are both Christians so why won’t he work with me and work it out I know I’m at fault . My heart is broken and pray hai heart softens – thank you for listening

  100. Madeleine

    I am in the opposite position as a lot of the writers here. My husband of 5 (almost 6) years wants reconciliation but I cannot bring myself to do it. I found out accidentally (via answering his phone) on Christmas day last year (2014) that my husband has been in contact with numerous escorts via craigslist etc. He has made his apologies, promises, etc. but I have lost all trust and respect for him. I moved in with my daughter the day I found out and since have gotten my own apartment. As we come up to the anniversary of the reveal (and will Christmas ever be the same for me again??), I am finding myself in the same position I have been for a whole year. At first I cried every day, every night. I relived everything over and over again, and my imagination did the rest. I have read hundreds of websites on marriage, forgiveness in the past year, and obviously being here tonight I am still searching for guidance because I am a God fearing and God loving woman. I am in counselling, and I pray daily for God’s direction to be revealed.I too hate the thought of divorce (and I realize that the Lord has made exception for adultery) but I have been in sheer agony over this for a year. I do not believe this is the life that God would want for me either. I believe I will find my way to forgiveness but that is not the same as returning. My husband refuses to discuss divorce so the burden of the decision is left to me alone. I would like to hear from other believers opinion about when is it NOT best to reconcile. I mean, we are not meant to be the doormats of our mates right? That is not what God expects of us is it? I have no idea where the answer lies, but I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. Wishing blessings on all who seek……….

  101. Cb

    Jeff and Cheryl,
    I first heard about you through YouTube. I have since watched that video and followed up here many times but I’ve never posted anything.
    My husband left with zero warning nearly three yrs ago and divorced me two yrs ago. He left while I was at work and never came home again, leaving almost all of his belongings and leaving me in absolute shock. I was terrified. I thought something was horribly wrong with him. He seemed far too good and stable to ever do something like this. I never, ever saw it coming. The day he left, he got rid of his phone number. He has never once checked up on me, talked to me, nothing. He moved out of state eventually but I only know where he works. I have no contact info. He literally just ran off and cut me out of his life 100%.
    I have no idea why he has cut me off like this, and to such an incredible extinct. It kills me not knowing! It makes me feel like a horrid monster that he had to throw out, abandoned, and then kept away from him. I live in a no-fault divorce state and so he divorced me against my will, I had zero ability to say no to it.
    He left me because his parents/brothers/sis in law and I did not get along. I did not act like a Godly wife/sister/daughter in law to them and we all had grudges against each other that were long-standing. It created tension with my husband and I. I personally was especially upset because his parents would not send him mail or Christmas gifts to our home, only to his work and only addressed to him,and they would all only speak to one another on the phone when he was at work. I hated the hidden phone calls and them addressing holiday cards specifically to him only, I felt like an unwanted outsider. I wanted him to stand up and tell them to stop. He would get upset because I grew to hate them and not want them around. Obviously, there was more with this but really, the whole thing was petty and immature. They were small, stupid things. I cannot tell you how much remorse I feel for not behaving the way I should. Deep down, I truly felt that he needed to “cut the cord” with them unless they would treat us differently, and as a couple. He disagreed. I truly did not know how ignorant I was being or how much hurt I was causing him. Somehow, I was lost in my own pride and self-seeking tendencies and I didn’t see the whole picture.
    My husband I, however, truly had many great things going for us. I loved and still love him with all my heart. I wanted to do what was right by him but I had it all screwed up. I believed he loved me too. I believed I had a wonderful husband and had zero doubt that we would grow old together. I was so blessed. I thought this issue would just work itself out.
    He now works by his family, told his lawyer that he left me because I was “taking up too much time that he wanted to spend with his family.” All I’ve heard is that he’s super happy now and I know he has a great job, calls himself Christian, volunteers, and spends loads of time with his niece and nephew and family. Was I the problem all along, preventing him from having some great life that he wanted? Did God want him away from me? Because my life has not worked itself out and my heart yearns for him while he is blessed.
    I wrote letters to his family, apologizing and asking for forgiveness. I tried calling them all too. They’ve never responded. I’ve tried emailing him, asking for reconciliation, asking to talk in any way, expressing apologies and offering forgiveness. I prayed so much, fasted, surrendered, asked God for clarify and any sign of movement, and so on. But nothing has happened. Nothing. Not one phone call from him, not one sign of anything. Just nothing. And I feel like my battle is even harder because there is zero communication and not only does he not see me as family, but his family doesn’t like me either. Why would he ever leave this new life for me? I’m at a loss. I’m about to just give up. I don’t know what God wants. I am losing all hope at this point, my faith is faltering, and my life is just so hard. I want him home but I just don’t even know what to do at this point.

    1. Kp

      I don’t know where you are in your journey now, but your husband’s duty was to put you first after God. The bible speaks of husband and wife becoming one flesh and that you are to leave your mother and father. You are his family now, and it seems that his family are all narcissists and controlling. They are extremely selfish and if you are now divorced, they will have tp answer to God for their actions one day. Theu knew what they were doing. Have faith, and I would not reach out anymore. Pray that your husbands eyes be opened to what is going on around him.

  102. Terrence

    I was an alcoholic for more than 13 years and it destroyed my marriage. I have recently given back my heart to God again and I am now placing him first in my life.
    The problem is that the last 13 years has hardened my wife, Lize’s heart so much that she refuses to reconcile. I promised so many times that I will change my ways but only did it to get her back… time and again. Never did I put God first and then my marriage. I am on the right path now, but my wife refuses to budge. She even refuses counselling.
    I have fasted (and still do), prayed, begged and even threatened (very wrong of me) her and don’t know what to do anymore. She was the one that always prayed for me and now that I am saved, she is still proceeding with the divorce.
    Please pray for a miracle, because my wife’s heart is so hard that it will take a miracle to soften it and only God can intervene.

  103. Waitingforhelp

    All these comments about how God can do anything – ? Only God can soften my husband’s hard heart? So why doesn’t He? My husband has been with four women, the last one for a year. He lives with her now. I have changed so much, have begged for reconciliation, have owned my part of the breakdown of our marriage. He doesn’t own his part and blames our ending to ‘incompatilibility’. Our four year old son’s first prayer was for Daddy to come home. He’s stopped praying now and I don’t have the heart to tell him to continue, when I myself cannot believe God will restore my marriage.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *