Today was another one of those days…….
I was talking to a young woman who wants desperately to save her marriage, but her husband wants out and does not want to work on it. I was like that husband 19 years ago when I announced to my husband I did not love him and did not think I ever loved him…..I was the one who left when my husband was trying to knock some sense into me and at least try and fix what had broken in our marriage. Our book, I Do Again, gives you this whole story.
I wish I knew then what I know now, almost 20 years later. I wish I had seen marriage to the depths that God sees it. I wish I had understood then why God created marriage and why He gave it to us as a gift. Gosh it is painful to think of the decisions I made back then, and how selfish I was.
On March 19, just a couple of weeks ago, my father-in-law passed away. He is resting peacefully in his Savior’s arms now. As we packed our bags to go to the funeral in West Virginia, I thought back over the 27 years I had known him. What struck me most was his commitment to God, and to his beautiful wife of 59 years. 59 years. Who hears about marriages lasting 59 years these days? Did they go through hardships in their marriage? Of course! Was it tough at times? Of course! But they never had an out clause. Divorce never entered the picture. My father-in law was man of integrity, a gentle spirit yet tender warrior (Stu Weber, Tender Warrior). Family meant everything to him and he guided them well. He sought God for wisdom, and God made him a wise man. I learned so much from him throughout the years……….
So i got off track a bit…… So how do you hang in there when your spouse wants out? Answer: press hard into Jesus. That is the answer. Press hard into becoming the spouse God wants you to be instead of concentrating on what is missing or what your spouse is doing or not doing. Your spouse is watching you even if you think they are not. Pray for perseverance and endurance. Don’t give up too soon. The pain is so great that it seems easier to give in to ending the marriage. But let me tell you, it is not easier………but 10 times harder. Ask God what he wants you to be doing and do it. Actions are what really mean something. Remember these verses: Eph 3:20, Matt 19:26, and Deut 8:1-10. What do they say to you about standing in the gap for your marriage?
Would love your thoughts……..