How Do I Hang in There When My Spouse Wants Out???

Today was another one of those days…….
I was talking to a young woman who wants desperately to save her marriage, but her husband wants out and does not want to work on it. I was like that husband 19 years ago when I announced to my husband I did not love him and did not think I ever loved him…..I was the one who left when my husband was trying to knock some sense into me and at least try and fix what had broken in our marriage. Our book, I Do Again, gives you this whole story.

I wish I knew then what I know now, almost 20 years later. I wish I had seen marriage to the depths that God sees it. I wish I had understood then why God created marriage and why He gave it to us as a gift. Gosh it is painful to think of the decisions I made back then, and how selfish I was.

On March 19, just a couple of weeks ago, my father-in-law passed away. He is resting peacefully in his Savior’s arms now. As we packed our bags to go to the funeral in West Virginia, I thought back over the 27 years I had known him. What struck me most was his commitment to God, and to his beautiful wife of 59 years. 59 years. Who hears about marriages lasting 59 years these days? Did they go through hardships in their marriage? Of course! Was it tough at times? Of course! But they never had an out clause. Divorce never entered the picture. My father-in law was man of integrity, a gentle spirit yet tender warrior (Stu Weber, Tender Warrior). Family meant everything to him and he guided them well. He sought God for wisdom, and God made him a wise man. I learned so much from him throughout the years……….

So i got off track a bit…… So how do you hang in there when your spouse wants out? Answer: press hard into Jesus. That is the answer. Press hard into becoming the spouse God wants you to be instead of concentrating on what is missing or what your spouse is doing or not doing. Your spouse is watching you even if you think they are not. Pray for perseverance and endurance. Don’t give up too soon. The pain is so great that it seems easier to give in to ending the marriage. But let me tell you, it is not easier………but 10 times harder. Ask God what he wants you to be doing and do it. Actions are what really mean something. Remember these verses: Eph 3:20, Matt 19:26, and Deut 8:1-10. What do they say to you about standing in the gap for your marriage?

Would love your thoughts……..

Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs are authors, speakers, and Biblical counselors, not LPC's. Their writings include the widely used book I Do Again, which chronicles their thirty-year story of marriage, betrayal, infidelity, divorce, emotional damage and scarring, forgiveness, reconciliation, trust, and remarriage to each other. Jeff and Cheryl are the founders of Hope Matters Marriage Ministries in Dallas. They speak at conferences and weekend worship services in churches across the nation, sharing their love story of hope, redemption, restoration, and God taking hold of their lives. See their website: www.hopeformarriages.com.

This Post Has 35 Comments

  1. Dyelibins

    Hi, Cheryl,I happened by your blog as I was Googling “Tender Warrior” by Stu Weber. Thanks for the insights on marriage.

  2. Cheryl Scruggs

    Hi Anonymous…..You are doing the right thing by loving…….Love on her even more. Have you read our book yet? I Do Again? Have you heard of the Love Dare? Might want to pick the book up and start the dare. Is she a Christian? Have you heard of the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.

    1. Keyonna Alexander

      im 23 ive been married to my husband it will be 5 years in Jan. if we can make it!! im lost I don’t know what to do,he is saying he don’t feel the same about our marriage,and he says he love me,but don’t know if he is still in love with me,he tells me I am beautiful and he is still attracted to me.but he needs to take a break to see what he wants,cause at the moment im not who he wants and not sure if he would ever want me again…….tears I said vows im willing to endure the hardships in order to see a brighter day. PLEEEEEASE HEEEELP!!!

    2. Denn

      Is your book available in Canada? My husband of 20 years told me that he loves me but is not in love with me anymore. He has been holding on to things that I said or did for more than a decade. We are both Christians and he is very involved in ministry. He says I have lost my joy and need to find myself again. He even told me that he has gotten separation papers and has zero interest in being intimate with me anymore. He suffers from depression and is on medicArion to help him cope. I still am in love with him but he says he is tired of trying to make things work. I know this is an attack because God has great plans for our ministry but my husband just doesn’t see it that way.

  3. Anonymous

    Thanks for the encouragement. I really needed it today. How should I respond to my wife who after 8 months of limbo and 13 years of marriage finally filed for divorce two weeks ago? It is so hard sometimes to respond in love. We have a 5 year old daughter as well. I just can’t imagine this.We have sold our home and are moving into separate places in three weeks. My wife say’s she is lost and doesn’t know who she is anymore.How should I respond? Believe it or not it is much more easier to respond in love because when I give her the silent treatment it just rips me apart.Look forward to hearing you at Prestonwood. A longing husband who wants his wife back!

  4. Anonymous

    Thanks for the comments. My wife doesn’t have a deep faith but she say’s she believes in God.Why is there so many books that suggest you respond in different ways? Dr. Dobson’s book Hard Love say’s to play hard to get. I tried that for a month and it was ripping my heart out. I just keep going back to what Jesus would do. Love and love more!I didn’t know that through the years her heart was hardening. We were both working and we had a little girl. It was just a crazy schedule as we were both chasing the dollar. Nothing like crossing paths at DFW as I flew in on a red eye and she was flying out that morning. Not the best marriage arrangement.We are moving out of our house in three weeks and she is going to her townhouse and I’m going to a new house. She has filed but hasn’t pushed me to hard to sign it.I know so much more today then 8 months ago about how to be a connected husband. How to romance and pursue your wife. I had know idea what it meant to be a husband. I always went to church but just didnt’ know. At this point she just doesn’t trust the new husband/person that I’m becoming.Don’t get me wrong. I thought I was a great husband. I took care of our little one and kept my business going as she went out and climbed up the corp ladder. I thought that is what she wanted. I didn’t drink, beat her or go out chasing women. I just wasn’t connecting with her and that was enough to break her after all these years. I look forward to seeing you and your husband at Prestonwood.Thanks again.God Bless.

  5. Anonymous

    I just finished your book and have so much hope for my marriage, although many around me would say I am foolish and it is over I truly feel God is telling me it is not. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and I felt exactly like you talk about. I had an affair that lasted about 4 years, not all that recently ended. I decided to file for divorce and my husband was against it. Then around Christmas as friends were against me because of my affair, he stood up for me and comforted me. This and the prayers of many friends and family changed my heart. Unfortunately he had already become involved with someone else(also still married but in the process of divorce) and does not want to reconcile. We are separated, I did dismiss our divorce but believe he is going to refile soon. We have a 2 year old daughter. But again your testimony gives me hope that God really can do more than I can imagine and I am not giving up. I am working on becoming a better person and mother and leaving the door open for him.

  6. Cheryl Scruggs

    Hi Anonymous,He did not treat me very loving at all for a while.

  7. Anonymous

    Cheryl, How did you husband treat you when you filed and left him? Was it always out of love or did he struggle with showing you love?Look forward to hearing from you.

  8. CGC

    This is what I have been struggling with for nearly 3 months. My husband was living in NC (for financial reasons) & having an affair with a women in our home town here in the DFW area. We have been married nearly 27 years and are both Christians. I have been committed to rebuilding & restoring our marriage. He, on the other hand, continued to have contact with her, even after we moved to Colorado for a new beginning. Things got worse in February & in March I flew back to DFW because he no longer wanted me. 2 weeks ago we received an email from his affair partner. It was addressed to both of us and she ended the affair and all contact. Still he isn't willing to try to work things out. He refuses to read books, talk to anyone, seek counseling, go to church. Now he insists he must initiate any contact between us. He thinks he has to do this himself. How do I hang on? I have done Love Dare – couldn't tell it made an impact. Have read many self help books & am currently reading "I Do Again" Strangely enough, his affair partner & her husband recommended Sacred Marriage to me & are sending me a copy. They speak very highly of you & your husband. I feel the deck is stacked against me, even more so because of the physical distance between us but my husband does not want me to move back home. How do I press hard to Jesus and hang in there when we are 1200 miles apart?

  9. Anonymous

    CGC,Hang in there. I know it is not easy. From a male perspective have you tried playing hard to get?I’m not an expert but read Dr. Dobson’s Tough Love. I don’t know if it is for you but it may give you some insight.Men like a challenge and if you give him the idea that you are moving on with your life I think you will have a much better chance of getting his attention and he will be on his hands in knees begging.My suggestion, go to the spa, new hair cut, get in shape (if already not), go out with your friends. Most importantly, stay in the Word.God Bless you and I want you to know I’m praying for you!A friend in Frisco.

  10. Anonymous

    I recently came to Power Lunch at Prestonwood and had the privilege of listening to your testimony. My wife of 3+ years has filed for divorce and has taken our 22-month-old son with her. Jeff, as you thought I also thought everything was fine other than she was a little stressed that I was unemployed for a bit. On March 14, 2009 she had me served with divorce papers. This is the second time that this has happened, the first time was a little over a year and a half ago and we reconciled three months later but basically only put a band aid on the issues. I thought I was living according to her guidelines but apparently she did not think so. She wants no part of any reconciliation and will only speak to me through attorneys right now. In addition to everything that is going on she has started with false allegations against me, basically calling me an alcoholic abuser in order to limit my access to our son. Some guidance please.

  11. ENV

    Cheryl and Jeff, Thank you so much for your book, “I do Again” and for your heartfelt honesty. It has helped save my marriage. After three years of failed marriage counseling, I decided that I had enough and left my wife. In the beginning, I was in Jeff’s shoes, not knowing why my wife was so distant. She told me she didn’t love me anymore, not sure that she ever loved me. I tried my hardest, tried everything, except asking, truely asking for Gods help. When I left, I was empty, numb, and a female friend started to fill voids in my life. I had givin up on trying to fix my marriage and wanted to move on with my life. My wife finally wanted to work on us, but my heart was already too hardened. She read your book, found God in a new way and slowly became a new person. She was persistant in trying to make our marriage work, while I was filing for divorce. Afterwhile, her persistance won and softened my heart just enough to say yes to dinner one night. Thats all it took, for me to realize that I didn’t want out, that I wanted, needed to find God, and had to surrender myself to him.We are continuing our walk with God everyday.I just finished your book and wanted to thank you so much for your inspiration for my wife and myself.I love my wife more now than ever!

  12. Anonymous

    I guess am at the point of so many others. My husband and i have lived apart for 2 years now even though we've said "we were trying to work out our differences" we had been seeing each other consistently for the past eight months and then he just stopped coming over or calling. i received and email from im last evening saying he saw no point in cotinuing the marriage and that we still had issues with trust and respect. I am not sure about the issues. We lived apart because he left where we were for work, we were both christians but now he said he found something more in Islam I love my husband and believe he loves me but I just don't know what to do anymore. My faith is strong in Christ but I don't know if i should just let go and give him freedom from the marriage thatt he seems to want. I welcome comments and prayers. Carolyn

  13. Tom

    I read your book this week, I see so many similarities that it is like we wrote it. My wifes name is even Sheryl. 14 years together and I dont know what there is left to do But pray. My wife is right now in another state with her " new guy" We are not even divorced yet. I have tried standing for my marriage, but when she filed for divorce I realized nothing I was doing, mattered to her. I did the love dare for 100 days. took off time from work to help her find her dream job, bought her a new wardrobe. I feel my heart hardening a little more every day. I understand how Jeff could not look at Cheryl after the divorce. I am pretty much there. My kids are lost in this. My wife wants to move them 900+ miles away from me to the new guy. I am fighting with everything I have for my kids. We don't deserve this, and God please help us with this. I still love my wife , but I see my family breaking.

  14. Cheryl Scruggs

    Hi TomCould you go to our website and send me the same message you put on the blog so we can respond to you personally? Where do you live?

  15. Cheryl Scruggs

    Oh…tom our website is http://www.hopeformarriages.com

  16. TommyToady-MASSACHUSETTS

    After 2 years of separation, I found Cheryl and Jeff, just yesterday.I can't believe I never found them before this. I have been searching on the internet for answers for 2 1/2 years, since before my wife left me.I found a lot of info, and a lot of people trying to help, but the best advice I've gotten is "turn to God"What surprises me most is how many stories could be mine if you switched the names. So many people going through the same thing.I have been trying to restore this marriage for over 2 years. Today will surely be a mile-marker in my journey to restoration.God Bless You Cheryl & Jeff

  17. Anoyomus

    Well I have been married 17 years. My husband is living in another state where he is working. We have had problems for about 2 years now. Being blamed for things can really mess with your head, which he did.I pushed him away for a good year because of this and wasn’t even sure I wanted to stay married anymore. He seems to really love where he is and the people he’s met there. He was home back in December over Chrstmas and we actually connected and had a great week together. We had been talking everyday texting and calling.. But a few days ago he was hard to reach and when he finally called me back the conversation didn’t go to well. He was saying he didn’t think he wanted to stay married anymore and that maybe we should get a divorce. We haven’t talked much except by text but he dosent say he loves me or misses me anymore. I’m supposed to move out where he is in April, but now I don’t think he wants me to come there. I hope we can work this out cause I truely love him.

  18. Regan

    I have been married 2 years. I have a one year old and I am 9 weeks pregnant with twins. My husband just told me recently that he doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to work it out. I am so lost. I want to work it out. But when I try calling him he wont answer. He wont talk to me or his daughter. How do I fix this.

    1. iona

      I am going through what you are going through .
      im still fighting for my husband .

      1. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

        Don’t stop

  19. David Dods

    My wife told me several times over the past year that she doesn’t love me and never has. She wishes now to go to the next step and she has sent me a separation agreement … she has also stated that the house is to be listed in March, spilt the cars, cancel the joint account, etc. We have been married for almost 22 years (in June). She is like a different person – I do not recognize her at all. I readily admit that there is much room for improvement on my end and have 3 counselors to transform myself but I do love my wife … believe that God choose her for me … what do I do? Any words od wisdom would be much welcomed and appreciated. Thanks.

    1. Jeremy

      David I feel you. I’m going through a very similar situation myself. I’ve ignored her trying to explain to me the problems we were having in the past and have only now, through the wisdom and grace of God, have come to realize that I was an idiot the entire time. I have begun working on myself as well starting with re-prioritizing my life to the way it should be 1. God, 2. Wife, 3. Family, etc. I just hope that God can open her heart to see the changes I have made in myself to agree to a second attempt at marriage counselling. We still live in the same house but only as roommates and my fear is that I will not have enough time before she moves out to change myself enough for it to truly make a difference to her. And to make matters worse today is our aniversary…

      1. Keyonna Alexander

        sorry to hear that! similar problem right here,but I will tell you that we serve a God that says with the faith of a mustard seed we can move mountains!it takes time and dedication,dont let the devil have the victory keep on keeping on!!

  20. Cindy

    My husband and I have been married for 11 years, seperated for 5 months. After months of thinking I finally realized this was a long time coming. We basically just grew apart. I have googled, read book and soul searched. He is emotionally shut down and just done. He finally filed for divorce 3 weeks ago. I asked for counseling and he refused. I am absolutely heart broken and lost. I love my husband so much. We have two young boys together, ages 6 & 3. They miss us being a family and tell me all the time. We went from being his world, to him just walking out and giving up. I plan to read your book, and pray it can help me. I don’t want to lose him, but I’m losing hope. 🙁

    1. David

      Hi Cindy,

      I hear where you are coming from. I am praying for you. May I also suggest http://www.rejoiceministries.org/ and Godsavemymarriage.com. Both have helped me as well. God is certainly for you and can restore you marriage even when it appears hopeless.

  21. lanette

    My situation is alot like key on a Alexander. My husband told me he is moving out after Christmas. He had B affair while I was living in texas this past year and he was living in Arkansas. We have two children. He told me he loves me but not in love with me. He doesn’t want to keep hurting us. I don’t know what to do. I’m seeing a therapist but he doesn’t want to go. I thought things were good and I’ve been praying daily and fasting. I pray for him and our marriage daily. I have faith.

  22. Karen

    We’ve been Married 7yrs. 2 months, live in Houston Tx. He is into Porn & expects me to do unclean unchristian things! Said if I don’t he looking for a woman who will & Divorce me! I Love this man & always will! But, I’ve reached my limit. I can not take this anymore! I don’t want to fight or Divorce! The Lord Brought us together for a reason! He won’t let me tell anyone & refuses Counceling, we went thru that a couple of yrs. ago. All that did was make him Angrier! He says it’s me that has the problem. Counclers told me not to let him verbally abuse me & force me into doing things in Gods Eyes! Help! Emotionally Exhusted!

  23. Anthony Wilson

    Wow,i really appreciate this feedback.I’m going through a similar situation. My wife and i have been seperated for about 8 mos now married for 17 years with 2 beautiful children and she was the one who wanted out, i didn’t. I relocated to NJ to stay with family. Since then, we’ve been talking off and on. What bothers me is she comes and goes in and out my life often. Everytime she sees me there’s definitely still an attraction there and the last time she came up she said she loves ne before leaving. She is saying that although she’s not ready to get back together that she’s also not ready to let go. She’s been seeing other people but says she hasn’t been intimate with anyone. We had a great marriage but the last few yrs lost intimacy in the marriage. I was going through a lot of health issues which caused depression but i always loved her and never would have given up on her. These past 8 mos have been very emotional and depressing for me, i feel like giving up although my heart is still in it. I’ve been praying and reading scripture just trying to wait on answers. I also had my pastor pray for me and others as well. I’m suffering so much inside, still cry everytime i think about her.

  24. Gretchen

    Married 15 years. We love each other, get along great, respect each other. Good parents together. But he says he doesn’t feel loving toward me. Does want to be intimate with me. Doesn’t see me that way. I’m not giving up. I want our intimacy back. It started slacking off after our first child now there’s none. We have a 10 year old and a 7 year old. We’ve been through so much. I love him. I want to repair what we’ve damaged and move forward. What can I do??

  25. Tammy Lewis

    I’ve seen your story on YouTube. I cried! I’ve watched it several times and also “I am second”. Tears flow!! I came across it trying to find hope for my marriage. I have been married for 24 years ( this coming March 14th). I’ve been separated for a year now. My husband moved in with the other woman (a co worker) in November 2015. I have been standing for my marriage since I found out about his affair. Praying to the Lord to restore. My husband was my best friend. I KNOW he loved me with all his heart! But some where along the line Satan captured his heart away from me. Some call his emotional affair “limerence”. I don’t know what to do. I feel hopeless. I pray everyday and night! At first my husband was trying. It was an emotional rollercoaster. He’d act as though he wanted for us to restore then he would back off. Since sept he stopped contacting me. Only in October he said happy birthday. The holidays cane and went and he did not contact me. I just feel it’s over! I don’t know what to do. There seems to be no hope! I’m afraid I’m suppose to file and move on. I will always love my husband. Maybe God is telling me to be alone! I’m so happy your story ended so well. God bless you!

  26. Sara

    I wonder if Cheryl will see this – or Gretchen… i wonder how you’re doing as well.

    Long story that I will try to shorten as it would take a LONG time give all the sordid details- my husband and I have been on shaky ground off and on for a couple of years now . Fall 2014 through Spring 2015 we both retreated into survival mode suffering from our own depression (me) and him STRESSED and BURNED OUT from a job he hates! Something clicked in me and I was able to see what was happening and pulled out of my funk – most of the way anyhow. This last year has seen me trying to fix “us” which I know was really not in my control at all – and him pulling further and further away from me. Me pulling the proverbial rope trying to “reel him in” and he letting his hands go up and totally and completely LET GO! He still hates his job but now feels he’ll be happier divorced – but he won’t leave his job.

    My husband is struggling – he says he finds joy in NOTHING even our kids although he tries to force himself to have fun with them. My question for me is what kind of wife lets her husband sink to this point? I know I’ve made HUGE mistakes and I’ve spent the last year trying to learn how to accept God’s Grace and Forgiveness and how to have both for myself. But my husband now says that while his job is his biggest source of unhappiness, his marriage is the 2nd greatest source. He’s not willing to leave his job, but he wants out of this marriage. He’s not willing to do anything such as date nights, weekends away, nothing in order to renew. He just wants out. He thinks the kids will be happier knowing he’s happier divorced than he was married – even though he still hates his job. He tries to make things better at his job by reading books, making plans and going on team building happy hours. He tries to make things better with his kids by playing games etc. But he wants nothing to do with our making our relationship better. he says there is no other woman and while I know there was a woman from work that shared some of the stressful situations back in 2014/2015, I do NOT Believe there was any love or physical intimacy. When I look at that part of this rationally, there really are no signs other than my insecurity that that’s happening and when he talks about it and say there is nothing, i do believe him. Naive? Maybe but I really don’t think so.

    More concerning, My husband has completely turned his back on God and any Faith he had is gone.

    I have tried to lay this at the Cross. I know it’s not my mine to change or save. I know I can PRAY for our marriage, for my husband and for me, but the actual “fixing” is not mine. I’m working on my Faith Journey but I don’t know how to really let things lay? How does one detach while still trying to stand for a marriage the spouse wants out of? I don’t believe in Divorce. I have never wanted “out”, just for it to be better and fulfilling again. I try to let go of expectations of my husband to actively engage in our marriage. He will make love with me, but he won’t go on a date. He’ll tell our kids he loves them, but he only says it to me if I say it first – so I’ve stopped saying it. I don’t want to pressure him. i’m so lost. I KNOW love is more than a feeling but he doesn’t I guess.

    Cheryl, the last paragraph of this post is:
    So i got off track a bit…… So how do you hang in there when your spouse wants out? Answer: press hard into Jesus. That is the answer. Press hard into becoming the spouse God wants you to be instead of concentrating on what is missing or what your spouse is doing or not doing. Your spouse is watching you even if you think they are not. Pray for perseverance and endurance. Don’t give up too soon. The pain is so great that it seems easier to give in to ending the marriage. But let me tell you, it is not easier………but 10 times harder. Ask God what he wants you to be doing and do it. Actions are what really mean something. Remember these verses: Eph 3:20, Matt 19:26, and Deut 8:1-10. What do they say to you about standing in the gap for your marriage?

    ***********************************
    I don’t know how to do this. I’m trying but I really don’t know how. I’ve Prayed. I’ve worked on my changes. I’ve tried not giving up – but what is “too soon”. At what point do you realize it’s lost. I have ugliness inside that feels ugly saying it’s done and he’s going to file, to just give up… but after I PRAY I have a sense of Peace that says to stay the course. BUT HOW! How many months/years can one hear their spouse doesn’t want to be married before accepting defeat? I ask God everyday to show me how to let it go, how to lay it at the Cross and focus on fixing me and finding “me” but I guess I”m not doing a very good job of it.

    I’m lost, I’m frustrated, I’m hurt, I’m scared, but most of all I love my husband. I’m sad I helped create such a horrible situation for him. i’m sad our marriage has come to this. I’m sad for our kids, for our families. I”m just sad. I don’t know where to go from here. He has agreed to counseling but admitted his goal of this joint counseling will be to seek his happiness, his kids happiness and an amicable separation.

    I hope someone out there has a happy ending and I hope to have some advice or insights as to how I truly lay this at the Cross. I know God won’t MAKE my husband do anything so letting go is so scary for me… it feels like giving up!

    I’m sorry this got longer than I planned. Thank you in advance for any help or ideas you can offer!
    Sara

    1. Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

      Hi Sara,
      Thanks for writing. You press in to Jesus by reading His Word, praying, worshiping Him on a regular basis and being in Biblical community.

  27. Betrayed

    I’m going through a similar situation. My husband and I have been married 19 years. He has always been my “oak”- a man of God, and I never, ever worried about him straying- he was (and I’m believing that deep down still is), a man of moral character, who loves his wife & children very much and knows his current lifestyle is sinful).

    He began to withdraw from me in the beginning of this year- (Feb/Mar), we hired a secretary in Feb, and I found out in August (2017) that he had been having an emotional affair since April with her (for the record, I don’t 100% believe him that it was strictly emotional). Not only was he having the affair, but he agreed to purchase a Harley without discussing it with me, and I’ve caught him drunk twice now. This is a man who would’ve NEVER done any of these three things. When I caught him in the affair, he apologized and became depressed. Then he became confusing. Saying I love you, but then saying that he “loves me but doesn’t know if he is IN love with me.” Then he told me that he doesn’t even feel bad about the affair and asked me what that meant. I told him that it didn’t mean ANYTHING in relation to our marriage, but that it clearly showed me where his walk was with Christ for the fact that all conviction of sin is absent from him. The fact that he knows it was sin, and doesn’t feel guilty to repent to God for it- he has walked so far away from jesus. He just looked at me and didn’t say a word. He says he needs time & space to “think about things” but when I mentioned that I couldn’t believe that we were even remotely facing divorce, he got irritated and asked why I always had to jump to the extremes. His behavior and words are conflicting. The woman made contact with him last week, and since then he has literally cut off all physical/emotional contact with me and has informed me that he is taking her son hunting and that “I have made a bigger deal of their relationship than it was, and that she was nothing special, and if it wasn’t her, it would’ve been someone else.” This is NOT the man I’ve been married to for 19 years and have two children with. The fact that he is more excited and already making plans to take HER 16-year old son hunting, and not OUR 16-year old son hunting is both disrespectful and hurtful. I’m prayerful for reconciliation, and I’ve read Dobsons book “Tough Love”. I know that I need to detach- he has spewed at me a few times that “I’m suffocating him” even though I’m truly not. Any thoughts or wisdom is much appreciated.

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