My heart is sad…

My heart aches today. The reality of marriages and families falling apart all around us is overwhelming. I am around it all the time being in marriage ministry and being a biblical counselor. My marriage failed once, but God offered us a second chance. And that in itself is surreal. I think the pain I feel is in the fact that most desiring to get out of their marriage do not see the whole picture. They don’t realize what the holidays will be like. They don’t realize what the visitation schedule entails. They don’t realize the emotional trauma the kids go through. Kids are resilient, right? They will bounce back. But what are we teaching them? My mom made a comment to me as I was walking out on Jeff, that I will never forget. “You kids, you never want to work hard at things.” After Jeff and I reconciled, after experiencing 7 years of divorce, I called and apologized to her. She was right. I did not want to work hard at my marriage. i was willing to throw Jeff to the curb without giving him a chance. I was willing to break the sacred history we had the opportunity to build for our girls. I was willing to throw it all to the wind.

The pain never went away during the 7 years. We never got used to the visitation schedule. The holidays were filled with the ultimate joy and the ultimate sadness. It is hard to explain.

This Christmas I ask you to search your soul. Ask God to show you His plan for your marriage. Pray and seek His face.

I really want to hear from you…… to pray for you.
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Jeff & Cheryl Scruggs

Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs are authors, speakers, and Biblical counselors, not LPC's. Their writings include the widely used book I Do Again, which chronicles their thirty-year story of marriage, betrayal, infidelity, divorce, emotional damage and scarring, forgiveness, reconciliation, trust, and remarriage to each other. Jeff and Cheryl are the founders of Hope Matters Marriage Ministries in Dallas. They speak at conferences and weekend worship services in churches across the nation, sharing their love story of hope, redemption, restoration, and God taking hold of their lives. See their website:

This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. Bre Holifield

    Hi Cheryl, I met you a while back at the church offices. I’m so encouraged by your ministry and was excited to see your blog. I’m getting married in 28 days to a wonderful follower of God and look forward to reading your blog and the book next year! My parents are divorced so I understand the pain (and visitation times). Jon (my fiance) and I are excited to start this union and will see it the whole way through with the help of God. Thanks for sharing the testimony God has given you and Jeff.

  2. Rachelle

    Cheryl, this is so moving. What a poignant reminder. Reading your words, I keep thinking… that could have been me. The visitation, the sad holidays, the heartbreak. Thank God it wasn’t me.I didn’t want to work hard either. But I AM working hard. And it’s working. I wonder why I didn’t know my marriage–the same marriage I nearly destroyed–could be this wonderful?

  3. Anonymous

    I know my marriage can be wonderful, it has been, but we have both nearly destroyed it. And now I am desperate to get it back to what it was, but I just don’t know if he wants to. I know he does not know if he wants to because he told me so. I am at a loss as to what to do. I want to save my marriage, I just don’t know if it is too late. I pray that God will find a way to fix it and me.

  4. Cheryl Scruggs

    Dear Anonymous,The way you start is by praying and then asking God to change your heart…. to mold and shape you into the godly woman and wife He wants you to be. He can do immeasurably more than you could ever ask or imagine. He is a miracle working God!

  5. Anonymous

    Jeff and Cheryl, I truely believe that God sent us to your page for “I Do Again”. The similarities between your story and my own are to much for it not to be sent from God. We have twin girls, my wife has had an affair, and I’m at my ropes end. I just told her today that I can’t make it work by myself. She says that she is trying but I don’t know if she is giving 110%. I’m exhausted and frankly feel as though I can’t give anymore of myself. It’s been 16 months since I found out about the affair and I’m ready to call it quits unfortunately. I’m going to get your book as I have gotten other books since the beginning of all this. Any suggestions, encouragement, etc would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

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